Below is my situation; please bare w/ me because, it is long.
Thanks and I look forward to meeting everyone. :
I ve been trying to get help on some other sites and found this one. Maybe I am just looking for a confirmation on what I already know. I just do not see any solution to my problem.
To sum it up; I have an abusive father n law and a abusive husband. Both have tryed to control me in one form or another. My husband has been in a master and servant situation all his life with his father and my husband abuses me verbally and has physically. All the abuse he gets from his father rolls down to me. Now his father has been trying to put me in that same master and servant situation. But, I do resist the abuse as much as possible.
I want to get out but, my family lives in the south and I live in north. I have no money to leave. My best friend she is the only one that knows about the physical abuse I have gone through. My parents know about the fighting but, I haven't said anything of the physical or verbal abuse to my parents. Only the current event that happen recently yesterday on Father's Day; which came from his father.
Recent past in April 2011: Yes, we were both drinking and we both this time got into a physical fight. However, it ended with me on the floor my husband choking me. This has not been the first time. He says he will stop drinking but never does. He has pancreatitis and still drinks and eats in excess. We can go through months when everything is fine and then an explosion starts. I have had my moments too drinking but,not to throw me in the hospital. I have been getting better control of my drinking over the past year. I do yoga and meditation and that is my outlet for some time now. But, yes I have my slip ups at times. Not an excuse but, I keep a journal of when I see myself drinking too much. Again not excuse, if I do drink in excess it because, I know I am trying to runaway from my problems.
Oct. 2010: The other time he has pushed me and choked. I ended up w/ bruises (each time). He‘s feeling is well you provoked me. The one in Oct I did not. He was completely drunk and calling me some ugly names (Cu-T). He got in my face and said what are you going to do about it. That‘s where the violence happen and I was defending myself.
As for his father; I know were my husband gets it from. His father is verbally abusive, manipulative, self centered, pushy, needy and very imposing. He told me last night to get out of my own house and to shut up. Just because I didn‘t wish to lock my cat up in the bathroom. Which has no AC so that his wife (not my husband‘s mother) can enter the apartment. Which he didn‘t ask me but, in secret told my husband to put the cat away. My father n laws wife has a serious phobia to cats. Which I truly feel sorry for her but, she can‘t change the rules and laws every where she goes. In their home if I have the cat with me I comply to their rules. I feel in my house you can‘t just override and undermine me in my home. In "Rome you do as what the Romans do". Also, I had no idea his wife was going to come indoors because, we know she has that problem. It was originally going to be my father n law visiting my husband again after my husband got out of the hospital; for the 5th time on drinking and eating excessively. His pancreas gave out again. This pattern of him throwing him in the hospital is a result of him beating himself up because, of his father. I have been through thick and thin for him but, he does not see the damage I am going through. The stress and frustration of never knowing if he is going to get his life together. I have had to stop my plans each time he gets himself sick. He knows what to do but, choose not to do it to save himself. Plus, he seems to always fall in favor of his father saying " he is really trying this time". All I see is the same behavior again controlling. I just can't take both of them anymore.
I just do not know what to do. Should I stay in this relationship or go. My husband is going thru therapy but, it doesn't seem to be working. Now I have decided to put myself through therapy because, I know I am in a abusive situation. Any thoughts, help would love to hear. Thanks.
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