Forever in Love

I think he feels it might be better if I don't even exist... He told me to kill myself the other day after an argument. When he cane to visit us he said I made him so mad that he would kill me that I make a person want to do that. He won't stay away and even though I've tried even after leaving him he says I don't know why you convince yourself that you don't want to be with me.. The truth of the matter is that I'm confused about it all... I. Don't know how to stay away and I fear something bad might happen to me if I don't. I know the people who are around me most don't realize he is like this to me... Everytime I get a chance I get down in myself and wonder what it is I've done to make him act this way. He say that I'm naive and I act like a little girl bit I've taking care if our son on my own since he has been born he has given me 60 dollars two boxes of diapers and a box of baby wipes. Ira my fault for waiting around for him to grow up. And Im down I sit at home thinking about it crying about how badly I was treated during my pregnancy and how all of this has boiled down to him being annoyed by a very small personality flaw according to him. I have been naive ubwill admit thinking that things would be okay. I think about all the women that have aborted children just to please a man and I'm thankful everyday that I never considered it. People close to me don't know how much this hidden life has affected me I just wish it would all go away and get better... But I am more confused than ever and I am afraid of him. Hes been wanting to come back and I can't say yes or no for fear of a reaction... A negative reaction that displays me as a person that doesn't know how to put words together a person that can't speak without it backfiring in someway. I need help it's getting harder for me to hide the pain I feel and I don't want my son to see me upset and crying all the time. Need a counselor or someone that can help me have enouh strength to move on and let this go. I am physically mentally and emotionally broken... Im tired of him being the person that depicts my daily mood. How can a woman that is strong enough to go to work after physical abuse like nothing ever happened be called a little naive girl. How can a woman keep this stiff hidden so even those close to her won't see. I get told I play the victim but I don't want people feeling sorry for me I write here to clear the thoughts that are a burden to me... I need some help

Do not hide any bruises, tell people how it is. Tell him you will have him charged with assault if he hits you, get a restraining order.
To hide and deny the abuse enables the abuser, he knows you will keep it secret and watch his back for him.
Take photos of any injuries, secretly video him at his worse go to your doctor and show him if you are hurt. Get evidence of his abuse, your child needs protecting from him.
Will your family support you, help protect you? If so go to them and accept their help.
You might need to go to a refuge for battered women to escape this man.
He won't change.
It is NOT your fault if he loses his temper, there is NO excuse for abuse and violence.
I am wondering why you describe much of his violence as 'petty'. Did you see much violence when you where a child?