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why do I miss him, and when will it stop

Open Discussions About Domestic Abuse.

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why do I miss him, and when will it stop

Postby Irishgirl » Mon Jan 24, 2005 1:36 pm

I am working through the divorce. I am terrified of my ex. His abuse was on and off for 21 years, and the last two his abuse against me was constant.

Can anyone tell me? why do I miss him, and when will it stop? I hate missing him. It seems crazy.
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Postby sweetngentle » Mon Jan 24, 2005 3:06 pm

I'm not in your situation ...but maybe the reason you miss him is that you just miss the familiarity...nightmarish as it sounds?

I"m glad you are away from him !!!

Wishing you well and please feel free to vent and ask questions any time.

Sweetngentle
Blessed are those
who can give without
remembering, and take
without forgetting.
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Postby Irishgirl » Mon Jan 24, 2005 3:36 pm

I miss everything, my home, my children and grandchildren, my water bed. I think of him but only want to remember the good things. When I think of the bad parts of our marriage, and they were numerous, I feel ashamed that I miss him. I am terrified to be in the same courthouse with him as this divorce progresses. I hope it is over soon, so I can leave for Ireland and begin over.
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Postby Guest » Wed Mar 09, 2005 9:29 pm

As hard as it is, I am so happy to hear that you are no longer with him. If he was abusing you for 21 years, thats a long time of pain and suffering. Yet a long time of memories, like you described. I think that it is very normal for you to miss him. Even though he would do the hateful things to you, there is always the good times. And when you think about memories or when you are missing someone, it is sometimes hard to think about the bad times. It seems like all you can think about is good times. Just know that you are a strong woman and that you are doing what is best for you. And that in the end you will be happier than you have been in YEARS! Don't give up hope. Missing him will slowly fade away and you will start your new life. Full of only happy memories, I hope!

Hang in there and never give up!
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Postby Irishgirl » Thu Mar 10, 2005 3:32 am

Thank you :) I really appreciate your reply and encouragement.
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love

Postby katfish67 » Wed May 18, 2005 1:09 pm

i have been married for 20 years myself and mine had abused me in the past, now it is just vurble sometimes. I have left him and not sure if i even missed him so much as i missed my bed , house , kids , dog , yard everything but him. but when he did come to mind i did not want to think of the bad just the good. if you do miss him it is because (U) loved him or u would not have stayed there so long. and a creapy as it sould like Sweet said u miss the familiarity, use abuse women are kinda weard that is what they are tring to find out now in a report i saw on tv why we go back or wont leave, we love the dumbasses and miss our lifes. and somewhere in the back of our minds we keep thinking and they make us think we did something wrong and all we want is for it to get better , so we stay in the hopes that one day it will and we will be happy and he will stop. Its kinda like the way they say that a person that is kindnaped starts to feel sorry for or develop feeling for there kindnaper. same for us, why i have no ideia but may be worth reading up on. and for when it will stop when you find a man or he finds u, that will sweep you off your feet and that will stand up for you and stand up to him if need be. your knight in shining aromor.
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Postby Butterfly Faerie » Wed May 18, 2005 1:56 pm

I think when you have been with someone that long there will be moments where you will miss him, not the abuse persay but the 'good times' that you had with him.

However the divorce from him is a good thing, I'm so proud of you for getting away from him and taking a step in the right direction.

I'm sorry that you are still afraid of him.
I cannot remember if you were in therapy or not to deal with the abuse?
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Postby Irishgirl » Wed May 18, 2005 4:57 pm

oh yes, I am in lots of therapy. I had lots of losses and abuse before I ever met my husband, but I think I could have taken all of it on the chin if it were not for his cruelty and abuse.

I don't miss him anymore. I do still miss my home the good things that were in my life, like losing my dogs. But I will have another dog someday, and hoping a little place to plant a few flowers and watch the grass grow. My kids are coming round little by little one at a time.

I am beginning a new therapist this week. This one deals specifically with trauma, and uses hypnosis. Maybe he will be able to shake something out of or off me. I seem to be in a rut I can't get out of even with all the therapy and the help of a good shrink.

I am going off line for a few months to save money. I will miss this forum, but I won't be off line forever and will check back in when I return.

Very warm regards,
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Postby Butterfly Faerie » Wed May 18, 2005 6:36 pm

Irish Girl, good luck to you.

As for loosing the house and the dogs, yes that will be hard, but you will start again. You said you want your garden, and eventually another dog. I'm sure you will get it.

Hang in there, good luck with your new doc, please keep us updated when you can get back online.
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hello :)

Postby little dots » Fri May 27, 2005 5:17 am

hey there IrishGirl, its joe -voice-. amm i'd like to wish you the best for your next days, weeks and years. i can see you are perhaps offline by now. i was reading this thread. i think you'll forget about your exhusband as soon as you see you still can hang with men outhere. you wont miss him that much once you see ur kids growing up and telling you stuff about their lives and how they understand what you'been through, they will. and im sure you'll have a new dog. i have owned several dogs in my time-life and i think all of them had been great. just remember the dogs dont forget, and maybe one day we'll met them again. im sure your dogs are OK wherever they are. now you need to treat yourself right. now you need time to design your new living place, you can invite any friend in there, its your place and your kids will be always your kids, your neighborgs will be your neighborgs and your new dogs will go outside to go pee.
cheers 8) . amm im just hangin around here again,this is not my forum, just wanted to say hi.
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