I need help

My fiance was emotionally and verbally, twice physically abusive in the past to me.
When we had our daughter, we were apart and he started to change. For the past two years I have not had any indication of abuse from him. He has been nothing but sweet and considerate. we have had long talks about what he did and he has said sorry for the first time. In two years things have been great, first when we were apart and he was just visiting his daughter, then people started telling me that I should go back with him and he has changed.
So I did, about four months ago. Things have been wonderfull. But last night, i noticed he was acting strange. I warned him to please not do this. He was talking like he used to to me. He told me to fix my attitude when I was on the phone with him asking him to come home at midnight.
When he got home I asked him if he had anythign to say and he told me no. I said for him to get out of my house and he called me a god damn bitch, just like before.

I told him this morning that he is no longer welcome here. That he doesn't get chances with this sort of thing.
Were both under a lot of stress right now and I haven't been too nice lately either, but is this the right thing to do?
Stop it before it starts?'

Thanks

anon,

Usually if men have abused before they will continue to do so unless they know they are in the wrong and want to get help for it.
I think you've made the right choice to tell him to leave.

I hope that he respects that.

Are you seeing anyone, a professional to talk too?

Anyone you can trust to get this off of your chest?

Well, I am glad that I told him to leave when i did. He threatened me tonight and threatened to take our daughter from me.

If he has threatened you then you need to go talk to someone, police and tell them about this treat, and tell them that he is harrassing you.

Could you possibly go and stay with someone if you are feeling that threatened?

Also no jury alive would let an abusive partner have the kids, if they do then there is something seriously wrong with the system.
I'm sorry you have to go through this, I don't know what else I can offer you right now because I'm also having a hard time..

When I'd leave my husband in the past, and he'd call begging for another chance (which I'd give him), he'd be nice for about three days. Then it would go back to the way it was. You are very smart to tell him to leave. You not only have you to look after but that sweet little one of yours. Have you heard of the organinzation SafePlace? They really helped me this last time I left. They helped ensure I wouldn't go back. I didn't realize how abusive he was. I was completely convinced I was the reason he was acting so cruelly. He told me it was my mental problems getting in the way, or he'd tell me I have a problem with committment and that was why I was pushing him away. Ridiculous! I feel so much better now, and am actullly getting excited of the thought of having a nice man in my life someday. Want to talk more? Emily

Do you really want to keep your man by having him too scared to express his feelings or desires? Even trying to keep him terrified in a fragile relationship holds his concept of family hostage to your whims. Threats like that of breaking up and reminding him of past actions that supposedly had been forgiven are just as violent to a man as a physical fight. Don't use threats. Most of the women organizations that supposedly help only try to empower women to back up threats against men. You will be encouraged to lie, to tell one sided stories, to not think about the feelings of a partner you supposedly loved, and to manipulate the system as much as possible. They are very very very biased and feminist. Want power? Get a dog. Want a relationship? Don't terrify your partner.

notalways,

(Sorry, group, that this is so long after the fact...I just discovered this site).

Man, you sounded pretty defensive.

Q: Could you be an abuser lurking in a victims' "safe place" , taking the opportunity to counter womens' attempts to extricate themselves...Are you looking to defend the abuser's actions...or, perhaps your own?

Offbeatgrl53

I am a woman with plenty of self respect, but I can see what notalways is saying.

This is how I see it. If you have to threaten in that manner, there's no point in trying. It's not a bargain; a real relationship is built on trust. Lying and abuse of the system by women has hurt quite a few men I know who really never harmed their wives, and it has made me realize the biases that can occur. Believe it or not, women are at least 10% more likely to be physically abusive than men, but men are taught not to admit such things (and obviously they are not as likely to be injured).