I really need someone to talk to

Hello, i'm Stef, im sorry if this message doesnt make much sense but i really need some advise, and to be told if im over reacting or not. My mum and i have been verbally and mentally abused by my dad all of my life. I'm 22 and still living at home because i hate to leave my mum. My dad is a complete control freak and bully, everything we do he puts us down and makes us feel worthless. He shouts and screams and trashes the house quite frequently. I'm sick of seeing my mum crying. She used to be such a beautifull woman but now she has let herself go, her self esteem has gone and she has put on lots of weight because of the abuse. My sister, who is not my dads daughter left home years ago and will not even enter the house when he's around he put her through so much. He does crazy things like smashing up the kitchen if my mum throws any food away that is out of date. He holds onto the money and my mum even has to secretly have a loan to buy christmas presents because he makes sure she doesnt quite have enough. No guests will come to our home because he acts so high and mighty that no one wants to be around him.

This has happened all of my life, christmas times have always been awful, one year on the eve of christmas he threw the tree across the room and smashed things up, just because i was very small and asked him not to start shouting this year.

We live in a government funded house as he doesnt work and my mum isnt allowed to because he says if she did they wouldnt give him as much money. He's not the kind of man who would leave, we have asked him to so many times.

Does anyone know what we can do?

My mum says she's too old to start again but she doesnt want him here, we both hate him. I hate to say that because he's my dad, but i do!

Tonight he has started again, over a telephone bill, of course its all our fault to him.

I'm so sad i can't stop crying.

Hi, BabyL! What's happening to you and your mom is awful. Could you find out if there are any women's crisis centers where you live? Maybe they can tell you what you could do or where you could go. Would your mom go to the police?
Your mom will have to get a lot of strength to get rid of this abuse, but she has to do it, neither of you deserves to be treated this way.

I don't know where you live, but most places you can call the police if someone is acting violent and endangering other people in the house. Call them or look up women's centers or abuse centers in your area. You both need to get out and it sounds like you both want to. No you are not overreacting. You are stuck in a controlling household with an abusive person and you and your mother should get out now before someone gets hurt.

Ooh this is a difficult one. Its soo easy for people to say don't put up with it just leave but its not that easy is it? I'd put money on the fact he has made sure he is the main bread winner. This would be a way of controlling your mum. I don't know how this has affected your own confidence? Are you able to work? Reason I ask is if YOU can get a job you maybe able to save enough money for a deposit on a place or alternatively stay with a relative miles away? Once you are out of his control he has no right to follow or harrass you. If he tried, involve the police and report EVERYTHING.

I remember meeting a lovely lady who had no confidence whatsoever. She was psychologically beaten down NOT bu abuse but by a persistant ex boyfriend who showered her with unwanted attention, flowers ect. he just wouldn't leave her alone.I got rid of him for her and then she went off with another bloke...great eh!! AAh well, its not clouded my judgement and I hate bullies of any kind. I'm dad myself and can't understand why anyone would turn on their own daughter??? OMG my sons male (obviously) but if I'd have had a girl I'd probably have been the worst dad in the world (waaaaay too soft)

I know you dont want to leave your mum but if you got your own place you could meet your mum for a meal or something and ask her to move in....very cramped at first but then get a divorce ect.....get a SETTLEMENT and leave this abuse behind forever. Its NEVER too late and theres ALWAYS a way out.just needs a little planning.

heey best of luck

Tim

Sorry PlainJane and Tim, this post is several years old.
Im sure there are more recent posters who could use your support though!
Take good care,
One

Aah no worries Stef

Sounds like you've left your problems behind

GREAT NEWS