Not understanding Male violence

Early on, in childhood, I suffered enough physical violence from my Stepfather to now have severe PTSD, to include dissociative episodes and panic attacks. I'm 72, divorced, and actually had surgery to change from male to female as much as possible. I was not "transgender" and am Celibate now.

I was married for 38 years to a very damaged, but successful woman who constantly quipped that males were inferior or some such trash. I did my best, but one can not help the unwilling to heal. I was never violent toward her.

Tonight I read about an Army Sergeant with several children who was murdered by her X husband.

I do not understand violence in men, not one bit. Is there a real reason that men so often resort to violence? Are men less human than women? Much/most of the religious establishments I have been exposed to seem to postulate that men are superior.

I'll admit that the surgical removal of my male organs were the actions of a sick person, but I am not repentant. If there are any religious here, I had very solid Biblical reason to do it.

Perhaps I murdered my male self out of hatred?

1000yardstare wrote:... actually had surgery to change from male to female as much as possible. I was not "transgender"

Where I live, you're referred to a psychiatrist, with whom you'd have to work with for quite some time, before you could get the surgery - Are you saying you never identified as a female even though you got sex change?

If so, how did you get the doctors to approve it?

1000yardstare wrote:I was married for 38 years to a very damaged, but successful woman who constantly quipped that males were inferior or some such trash.

I would assume this would intensify hatred for men, and perhaps the desire to renounce it within yourself.

1000yardstare wrote:Tonight I read about an Army Sergeant with several children who was murdered by her X husband.

I do not understand violence in men, not one bit. Is there a real reason that men so often resort to violence? Are men less human than women?

Did hearing about this murder activate your post traumatic stress disorder? Are you getting any type of support/counseling?

If we want to go by stereotypes, men are more likely to be physical - whilst women are more likely to be psychologically violent.

People who've survived what you have, are likely to see men the same way you do.

Whilst people who've been physically/sexually abused or psychologically tortured by women will view things through that the lens of wondering if "women are less human than men" instead.

1000yardstare wrote:I'll admit that the surgical removal of my male organs were the actions of a sick person, but I am not repentant. If there are any religious here, I had very solid Biblical reason to do it.

Perhaps I murdered my male self out of hatred?

It's none of my concern what people choose to do with their bodies but I am curious if taking action to separate from your "male self" a desire to divorce yourself from what you hate, or was it fueled by hatred and rage?

"Solid Biblical reason"?

I was so subdued with heavy psych meds that I thought I was TG. Years later, I understand I was not and it was my hatred of males that drove much of this. I was a very feminine male, but not gay. Later I found I am XXY and a bunch of stuff.

The LGBT Political Action PAC were happy to transform me to a female, and did much of the footwork. In retrospect, had I known about Native American Two Spirits, I may have pursued that. There is no surgery, or hormones. If you feel male that day you are male. If you feel female, you are female. Being gay is not a prerequisite.


"Solid Biblical Reason" won't make any sense to someone who is not religious. It surprises me that I am still religious. It is ONE thing left from my old life.

For the Religious only: Matt:5, Matt 19:12, and Isaiah 56:4-5 provide the theological foundation. It is pointless to discuss these scripture with non-religious folk.

1000yardstare wrote:Early on, in childhood, I suffered enough physical violence from my Stepfather to now have severe PTSD, to include dissociative episodes and panic attacks. I'm 72, divorced, and actually had surgery to change from male to female as much as possible. I was not "transgender" and am Celibate now.

I was married for 38 years to a very damaged, but successful woman who constantly quipped that males were inferior or some such trash. I did my best, but one can not help the unwilling to heal. I was never violent toward her.

Tonight I read about an Army Sergeant with several children who was murdered by her X husband.

I do not understand violence in men, not one bit. Is there a real reason that men so often resort to violence? Are men less human than women? Much/most of the religious establishments I have been exposed to seem to postulate that men are superior.

I'll admit that the surgical removal of my male organs were the actions of a sick person, but I am not repentant. If there are any religious here, I had very solid Biblical reason to do it.

Perhaps I murdered my male self out of hatred?

Sending many hugs!

I love God in a Christian mind set very much. But I don't follow the religion faithfully like the catholic church teaches. That still doesn't take away the fact I love Good in my life which is what God is supposed to be. A lot of other things come into play why I am the way I am.

I notice in myself that I tend to fear at times if a woman will betray me in friendship. I am friends with many males. Even better friends with them than the females in my life. I don't feel judged by a male friend like I do with my female friends. My point being that I was raised in a home that had the two females, my mom and my sister treat me bad. It was physical but mostly psychological bad treatment. Emotional Abuse. I ran away from home at 18 to family and eventually preferred a homeless shelter to being back with my mom. From there I got a job and started to put my life together. I suspect that somewhere in me, being it my subconscious, or just outright obvious everyday thinking, I can't trust most women because of my upbringing. Add to that some friends betraying me in my adult life. I am 44. Just wanted to share about me.

Be strong! I want you to be happy like I feel happy and be at peace with you and all in your past, present, and future. I wish you the best. quietgirl

Hi Quiet One:

I was on a bunch of drugs from 2001 to 2008 and then realized that they weren't for me. If you are on drugs and they help, you should do what is best for you.

I had thought I was Borderline, but my current Counselor feels that it is the PTSD having its effect on me. Life is actually pretty good. Family stays away except for my youngest Daughter. Everyone has baggage of some sort.

Merry Christmas.

"1000"

1000yardstare wrote:I was so subdued with heavy psych meds that I thought I was TG. Years later, I understand I was not and it was my hatred of males that drove much of this. I was a very feminine male, but not gay. Later I found I am XXY and a bunch of stuff.

The LGBT Political Action PAC were happy to transform me to a female, and did much of the footwork.

It takes more abuse and trauma than I want to imagine to want to divorce myself from my biological make up.

I don't find problem with transgender or sex changes even when the person isn't gay; however, being drugged up on medications with a ton of trauma while receiving what almost sounds like pressure from (or at the very least, overly enthusiastic) political activists is concerning.

Do you have any thoughts on this?

I wonder how many others have received surgical procedures under similar conditions.

1000yardstare wrote:In retrospect, had I known about Native American Two Spirits, I may have pursued that. There is no surgery, or hormones. If you feel male that day you are male. If you feel female, you are female

Very interesting that you're XXY, and resonate with being Two Spirited.

One Two Spirited individual I met, had such a strong presence and intense energy I found it hard to look at her/him.
Unfortunately, I think I came off as a racist which I am not.
I can be very sensitive to what energy people give off and uncertain in how to react.

1000yardstare wrote:"Solid Biblical Reason" won't make any sense to someone who is not religious. It surprises me that I am still religious. It is ONE thing left from my old life.

For the Religious only: Matt:5, Matt 19:12, and Isaiah 56:4-5 provide the theological foundation. It is pointless to discuss these scripture with non-religious folk.

I've always loved a lot of Sermon on the Mount, but His level of tolerance for when people harm you, and His expectations that others to adhere to this level, are more than I will ever live up too - nor do even I want to be peaceful, passive or tolerant when it comes to those who cause me harm.

I like the meaning you connected through your religious reasonings.

1000yardstare wrote:I had thought I was Borderline, but my current Counselor feels that it is the PTSD having its effect on me.

BPD and Complex-PTSD are often mixed up because of the traits that overlap.
There's a movement that wants to put them in one category.
For a long time, I denied the existence of C-PTSD because of this.
I thought if I acknowledged those aspects, it would be the same as being borderline.

Going back to your first post:

1000yardstare wrote:I do not understand violence in men, not one bit. Is there a real reason that men so often resort to violence?

Although political in nature, Gender Studies might hold more answers than experiences and opinions on here.

Most colleges offer Gender Studies courses and there must be some online too.

I'm too lazy to look too deep, but maybe something like this type of free online course would answer some questions in a more fact based manner.

"Human Rights, Human Wrongs: Challenging Poverty, Vulnerability and Social Exclusion"
https://www.edx.org/course/human-rights ... verty-vuln

A couple websites that host Free Courses from Accredited Universities you could look through for answers (if you felt like it):

https://www.edx.org

https://www.coursera.org

Thank you. I think you understand more than most.

I live in a City that is strongly bought into the LGBT mind set, so I'm really cautious at the College. It is very late, so I will review this more tomorrow, and perhaps make additional comment.

Thank you.

happily

I am a male. I am asexual, although married with 2 children. My wife is also a survivor.

The questions you have raised are very deep and question our basic social and political structure.
My first abuser was a mother followed by an extremely violent psychopathic brother. Both broke my nose and both injured me terribly, issues that still plague me 50+ years later. I am 65.

I have found most males never consider their role in society or how they should or can behave. I think the male stereotype seen in everything from sport, to politics to beer adds is basically that - a stereotype. I feel many men are happy to buy into the superior male BS as they have little else going for themselves. Many of these men are rather sad pathetic creatures. Maybe the feeling of not living up to the stereotype is what makes them so poisonous. Maybe narcissism and feelings of not achieving what they deserved.

A question for you though. How can a woman introduce a dysfunctional male, exactly the type we are talking about into her home when she has a vulnerable child. I have a file on how these men terrorise, torture and murder these children, often while such a woman plays the defenceless victim.
How can someone hate their former partner so much that they will try to rid themselves of his child in the worst way possible. How can the men do it. I cannot believe that they are so basic to do what animals do. Maybe I am naive.

So yes men and women can both be monsters.

But what you talk about though is the need to terrorise. To lift oneself up by creating fear in another. My brother used to do it. Humiliate and terrorise. Make it so I only cared about eating and sleeping (safely) . He had been brutalised by our mother, but why do it to me. I had also been brutalised even worse because he used to run and leave me.

So no I don't know. In his case it was not society or feeling he had been done by the system. I just don't know.

DaturaInnoxia wrote:

1000yardstare wrote:I was so subdued with heavy psych meds that I thought I was TG. Years later, I understand I was not and it was my hatred of males that drove much of this. I was a very feminine male, but not gay. Later I found I am XXY and a bunch of stuff.

The LGBT Political Action PAC were happy to transform me to a female, and did much of the footwork.

It takes more abuse and trauma than I want to imagine to want to divorce myself from my biological make up.

I don't find problem with transgender or sex changes even when the person isn't gay; however, being drugged up on medications with a ton of trauma while receiving what almost sounds like pressure from (or at the very least, overly enthusiastic) political activists is concerning.

Do you have any thoughts on this?

I wonder how many others have received surgical procedures under similar conditions.

1000yardstare wrote:In retrospect, had I known about Native American Two Spirits, I may have pursued that. There is no surgery, or hormones. If you feel male that day you are male. If you feel female, you are female

Very interesting that you're XXY, and resonate with being Two Spirited.

One Two Spirited individual I met, had such a strong presence and intense energy I found it hard to look at her/him.
Unfortunately, I think I came off as a racist which I am not.
I can be very sensitive to what energy people give off and uncertain in how to react.

1000yardstare wrote:"Solid Biblical Reason" won't make any sense to someone who is not religious. It surprises me that I am still religious. It is ONE thing left from my old life.

For the Religious only: Matt:5, Matt 19:12, and Isaiah 56:4-5 provide the theological foundation. It is pointless to discuss these scripture with non-religious folk.

I've always loved a lot of Sermon on the Mount, but His level of tolerance for when people harm you, and His expectations that others to adhere to this level, are more than I will ever live up too - nor do even I want to be peaceful, passive or tolerant when it comes to those who cause me harm.

I like the meaning you connected through your religious reasonings.

1000yardstare wrote:I had thought I was Borderline, but my current Counselor feels that it is the PTSD having its effect on me.

BPD and Complex-PTSD are often mixed up because of the traits that overlap.
There's a movement that wants to put them in one category.
For a long time, I denied the existence of C-PTSD because of this.
I thought if I acknowledged those aspects, it would be the same as being borderline.

Going back to your first post:

1000yardstare wrote:I do not understand violence in men, not one bit. Is there a real reason that men so often resort to violence?

Although political in nature, Gender Studies might hold more answers than experiences and opinions on here.

Most colleges offer Gender Studies courses and there must be some online too.

I'm too lazy to look too deep, but maybe something like this type of free online course would answer some questions in a more fact based manner.

"Human Rights, Human Wrongs: Challenging Poverty, Vulnerability and Social Exclusion"
https://www.edx.org/course/human-rights ... verty-vuln

A couple websites that host Free Courses from Accredited Universities you could look through for answers (if you felt like it):

https://www.edx.org

https://www.coursera.org

It has taken me a while to respond to your post. I am sorry.

At this place in my life, I'm almost 73, I don't have sexual feelings for anyone, at least not strong enough for me to want gratification. There is no question about being drawn to males because there is NO trust there.

As to being drawn to females, I like hips and butts. I think that mostly the female way of handling things is just 'better'. I get envious of them. Would I have remained male under different circumstances, a perfect childhood and all that? I think that is likely. At this age it does not matter.