Epilepsy and Spousal Abuse

I’m epileptic and my spouse has been my sole transportation for the past year. He married me 12 yrs ago knowing there could be bad times. He decided to limit his work to make this happen so I could still work, provide insurance, 401(k) and my salary. Late last year I had a terrible seizure that nearly took my life. After being comatose for a day, in the hospital for a week and enduring a long recovery I am doing much better. My husband found me that night and I believe has untreated (he refuses therapy) emotional issues from the experience, along with long existing anger issues. Since that period, his screaming has escalated and he does not care who knows. He has thrown things at me, choked, pulled hair, punched, kicked, spit on and held me down. He calls me the most vile names all under the guise ‘he makes my life possible and I should be grateful’. He has no problem telling me to shut my mouth and ‘stop poking the bear’; he’s given me all the tools I need to be happy, if I don't like it I can leave. Someone even witnessed him pulling my hair and called the cops on him. I told the officer I was fine that day. I wasn’t ready to deal yet. He cares more about going to jail than attempting to try therapy (despite many promises) and have a healthy marriage, his ego is insane. He has even attempted to talk me into a threesome to keep him happy.

I had a beautiful life until recently. Now he just wants to trade me in for a better model. Nothing I do is good enough, I am just an inconvenience he has no problem bullying. I had a huge appointment today and want to discuss the treatment but he keeps making it about him and how my disorder makes life hard on him. After three attempts, I mentioned that. He got mad and told me to go to bed. He wasn’t repeating himself. We’ll talk tomorrow. He was fine this morning. Total jerk picking me up. No idea what happened. I am so lost and finally to the point that divorce may not seem that bad.

Welcome to the forum Epi,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. It seems like you have been through a lot and it hasn't improved much in awhile. I think therapy is great (I have gone through it and know others who have also), but I do know that if the other partner isn't willing, they can't be forced to change. I found that if people are forced, they fight back against the treatment and are unlikely to try it again.

I don't know how serious you are about divorce but perhaps giving each other space might help.

I hate to suggest divorce unless there really it no solution to fix the marriage or if one person has completely given up.

Huge argument today. My husband swears he has done nothing wrong but got very upset and defensive when it came down to showing his messages between the two. They text almost daily and see each other a few times a week while I’m at work. But I’m crazy for not trusting him. He told me to never speak her name again. I ruin everything good and now he can’t talk to her anymore. I told him I don’t want him hiding it, I will find out. He would rather divorce me than deal with someone not trusting him. Wow.

I have lots to say, but can't quite put it into words.

It's easy for me to say get a divorce, but I know it's not such an easy thing to do. Hang in there. Sending hugs, if wanted.