Direction, Im lost

Again, I am the SO of an amazing man.. no matter what name he is using at the time, he is my husband in heart, body and soul... The Core -Chase has now been locked away by Jack as well as others being locked up by Jack to have JUST US- JUST JACK AND DANIELLE.. To be clear, all parts of Chase are in love with me.. Chase does not want to be locked away, and Jack has done this out of his own wants and needs without thought about anyone else but US according to him.. all of this I understand... I truely do, its hard to be an alter and have to share time with others, but Jack is stuck just believing I am married to only him and that the rest dont deserve this life with me as he was the first to meet me and us fall in love... My question now, is what do I do??? I am very much in love with Chase, jack needs Chase and the rest, they all do.. I have always firmly believed they all need to happy to survive.. Jack has what he has wanted for so long, just as well as I have wanted.. and that in fact is us... but we share time with Chase until Jack locked him up yesterday.. Chase has done all he could for us, intergrated in early feb when there was a battle internally, then split again in August into 2 large male part, one being Jack and one being Blake, the rest were small and weak and minus jobs... He has worked hard to make Jack large and strong and to help guide him to have a better life for Jack, for all of us.. he loves Jack, he wants him happy, he wants them all happy.. and I believe if it wasnt for Chase, they would never even be with me, as in residing with me, sharing a life with me.. prior to, it was long distance and alot of chaos before the Core made his appearance.. JACK is basically null and voiding all of this, saying he has fought hard for us, to just be him with me, and he has, and so have they all... I have fought right along side them out of love and need.. HOW do I carry on now, im so confused, I ask Jack to release Chase and Blake and speak with them, but he is fearful Chase will in turn lock him away... he says he cant live with me being unhappy now, although he feels I need just him... Do I just be me and let them do their thing? Let the war they are having happen and stay out of it, and just continue to love who is with me, hopefully making them happy in return.. I am at a loss, I have fought for Jack and the rest continuously, I love them sooooooo much, but I am hurt for Chase, for Blake, we all need them, but I can see it and Jack cant

Do either of you have a therapist who is skillful in helping DID clients? (Or SO's...)? What I am hearing sounds like (perhaps) Jack is scared that while you claim to love 'all of them'; that if he lets Chase out - you will pick him. Or maybe that he will be locked away (how much time was he getting when Chase was out? Do you think he felt that he was locked away or that it was unfair that he did not get as much time as he perhaps asked for or needed?

Does he know that your love is not something that can be 'used up' in one or two or 8 people...that there really is enough love for everyone?

Until they want to communicate and work things out amongst themselves, the best thing you can do is let Jack know that you do love him, as well as the others.

One thing struck me though. When you are saying to us (and possibly to Jack) that he NEEDS Chase....well, if it were me, that stance (even if you feel it is true) might make me feel like you think I am powerless without him...that I am weak. Incompetent. Less than....

My experience has been that alters (and anyone for that matter) need to know that they are, in fact, safe, accepted, wanted, loved, and capable.

Let Jack know that you are confident in the skills HE has shown you; that you appreciate how he helps (the whole) with the way he...x, y, z.... His skills and strengths are DIFFERENT than Chases'....but not inferior to them. I think that the more he finds he does not have to prove his power/strength/etc to you...the more open he will be to re-opening communication with the others. This is just the opinion of another Singleton though. i could be way off....so take it with a grain of salt.

Jack is currently, well prior to locking Chase and Blake away sharing time 50 percent.. He is out have the day or night as well as Chase was, both of them seeing me daily..He has alot of qualities and abilities that he knows continuously I love and appreciate and recently had to hear Chase and I both give him some suggestions on how to make his alter life easier, as in maybe co-ing with Chase to see how things need to be done in daily life, but he also feels pain easier than Chase, anything issue they have medically seems to hurt him more and its sad and depressing for him, as well as the realization that Chase is the core and stronger..but he no less of a man..But when we make suggestions, he also takes it very hard and personal, like we are saying he is less of a man or just plain lazy or incapable when Chase and I are more than willing to hold his hand through everything.. And Chase does this for him and I.. out of love.. Jack though thinks if he acts at all like Chase or learns from him, it will change Jack as a person, when all we feel is it will make him more capable to live happily in everyday life with me as he wants..

It sounds like you need to beat this into his head a bit. Consistent and constant communication with Jack. Explain these things as you do on here to him, everyday, and repeat what you want (everyone, not just him). Say the stuff you say on here (and in other threads) to him and have talks with him everyday. Write him notes. He's being a mountain, right now. Unmoving. You need to wear that mountain down and get through to him. Explain you love everyone and want everyone, not just him. Explain that he's not going about this the right way, and ask why he's not happy sharing with the others. Explain why he should share with the others, and explain why it's not fair to you and not fair to them to be doing this. Constantly. He's brought out the big guns, it's time for you to do the same. Ask for Chase and the others constantly, write them notes, play music they like, serve food they like, anything that might help break through his hold on them. Fight for them, because I know they're fighting to be with you. This already isn't a pretty situation, so don't expect it to stay pretty. You know his limits, though, so be careful to not push too much. But definitely start pushing. Explain that while you're not happy when he's sad, you're even more unhappy with everyone else being sad. He can't see that he CAN be happy if he CHOOSES and LETS himself be happy sharing with the others, and that might have to just come with time. So, you're the one who's going to have to call the shots, and choose the lesser of two evils, basically. And try explaining how he can be happy, and how he'll need everyone to integrate, and how he won't be lost or anything like that if they do integrate. Ask him if he can at least allow himself to talk to Chase and the others about these issues, with you there, as well.

-KAT

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but personally I'd be pretty offended if I was in Jack's position at the moment. I don't think it's real cool to go saying "go away and let the others out". If Jack has any insecurities about how much you love and value him, that wouldn't be surprising seeing as you're pretty much telling him to go away. You are full of praise for Chase. But where is Jack's share?

Personally, I think you should just deal with whoever you are given and quit complaining. It's their issue, not yours. They'll sort it out. It won't be helped by you telling them what to do, that's for sure.

I can see where you're come from, Salted, but look at the other threads that deal with this, like "Just Jack". I think Danielle is pretty clear she loves Jack and everything, she just felt hurt that she was being kept from loving everyone and that Jack wanted it to be just him and her. Besides, no matter how much you look at it, it's not cool to go around and put others on lockdown just because you think it should be your life only and lived the way you want. If Jack had pushed himself out and was simply refusing to give up control without locking down the others and putting them away, that'd be different. If they were still there but just in the background and not locked away somewhere, then I'd agree with you. But locking them away like that and being like "this is my life, only my life, and I'm going to live it the way I want"? Not cool.

(Not saying that Jack's a bad person or anything like that. Not my intentions at all. I actually like Jack from what I've read so far, and I connect with him a lot. I'm just stating what I believe to be truths).

-KAT

Kat- again thank you for your support and advise and trying to clear up what Salted thought... Saltled Lipstick*** I appreciate your chiming in, but perhaps you are completely misunderstanding all of our post, and especially mine, CAUSE I WOULD NEVER EVER EVER TELL JACK, WHOM I LOVE AND ADORE VERY MUCH, NOR ANY OF THE ALTERS OR THE CORE - TO GO AWAY AND LET THE OTHERS OUT.. not sure where you get that from at all and I was completely stunned and appalled that anyone would even think that.. Jack has no insecurites on how much I love him, nor any about how they and myself all need him... Not that you know our situation at all, or have read any of the other post perhaps, but I am full of Praise for All of my Glorious and Amazing men residing in this one body.. Jack gets his share of time 50% with me and they all equally get all my love.. And personally, I think when speaking to someone in a crisis, especially when they are crying out for help for the one they love and themselves you should use more care.. I never complain, but I certainly value honestly and no disception in our relationship, for the health of all of us and the mental health of the body and soul I love... There is no tolerance for one hurting another, who is in turn the same person..

Hey its Chase, I just want to tell my BEautiful Wife, thank you for all your support with me and with my alters. I appreciate all you do. And also to KAT- thankyou for replying to Jack and Danielle, giving advice, Its greatly appreciated in times like this. As for Salted, I dont believe thats the case at all right now, Its more like, Jack feeling like Danielle loves him more than anyone else and her only needing him, not me or any of my other alters, which is false. Danielle has always told us she loves us all equally, theres no favortism. I just feel like he feels this is his life with Danielle and that he wants to be JUST him,even though its all of my life, no matter the alter, hes very sad being an alter. He doesnt like time sharing, even though he gets 50% of all of the time being out. Its just not enough for him to be happy. But Danielle never said for him to go away and let us out. She did tell him it was wrong what he was doing , BECAUSE IT WAS, and she did tell him her feelings on it, how it made her feel, but never to go away. Shes never talked that way to any of us. Jack definately likes to believe he is the favorite though, and hes become obbsessed just like my other alters have over Danielle, and Im still trying to figure out why they do that. But anyway, I love you Danielle, and Thank you everyone for all the advice

Much Love
Chase