Just Jack

I am sorry for hurting everyone, i dont want to be unhappy though. Just being me makes me happy, if we go back to chase running thngs and him locking me up or whatever the case may be, i wont be happy at all. why would I risk the unhappiness??? If I feel that FINALLY I get to just be me, FINALLY I can live my life the way I want, not under control of someone else, why would I want to change that. I know Im very stubborn, but Ive been through alot with these alters and this life and im tired of it. Im flat out tired. I do know that I cannot go on with danielle being miserable with me though. I faught for years now to be able to even just be apart of this life, and i have done alot to get us to where we are, I just feel as though I deserve it, not them. And I understand Im causing pain and damage and alot of hurt feelings, I just cant give up my power in order to go back inside, FOR WHAT? to be miserable and unhappy myself? Its either make myself unhappy or daniele is unhappy, and I hate it. I want us BOTH happy. And if I cant do that then I dont know what to do.

You think I'm happy living the way I am? Yeah, I have my happy moments but I also have my unhappy f*#king moments. I get to WATCH as the guy I LOVE, ME, I love him, he was MY choice, and Cassandra let him walk away the first time. Well now I get to watch as I HAVE to let him walk away because if I lived the way I wanted to, EVERYONE ELSE would be unhappy, just as EVERYONE ELSE is unhappy in your system right now, I'm sure.

If you love Danielle so much, LISTEN TO HER. She WANTS EVERYONE, she NEEDS EVERYONE, and she WISHES FOR EVERYONE TO BE BACK. She's said it many, many times. Take it to heart.

Your system obviously needs some re-working. NONE OF YOU SHOULD BE SHUT AWAY. Not you, not Chase, not ANYONE. Is there any way you system can come to a compromise with time out, sharing the body/mind, sh*t like that? Because as I said before, compromise and communication and respecting each other is the only way this sh*t is going to work out. No systems are perfect, and often what we needed at one point in time needs to be changed as our situation, environment, and other sh*t changes.

I get how awesome you feel, finally getting to be you, finally getting to be free. I get it. I've felt that way too. But you can't keep it up. It will blow up in your face, and then you really won't know what the f*#k to do. Danielle is trying so f*#king hard to work with you, and if you love her so much, you should try working with her. You're like this unbendable mountain, standing there and saying "I'm not moving", while Danielle's like blades of grass in the wind, pleading with you, "Please just work with me". Both of you need to be like blades of grass and bend with the wind, bend with each other, and work this out with each other, including the others in your system.

You've clearly demonstrated your power. Would it make you feel better if you only let the others "out" if they agreed to compromise? A sharing of the body/mind compromise? I don't really think that's the road you should go down, but it is an option.

No one wants to be unhappy, but sometimes we all have to make sacrifices and sh*t. But the others in your system don't deserve to be unhappy ANY MORE than you do. You are all equals, you all SHARE this life, this body, and this mind. NONE OF YOU have the right to claim it as simply your own. When you all integrate, YOU ARE ALL NEEDED TO COMPLETE THE PICTURE. So, how are you not all needed now? Doesn't make any f*#king sense to me.

You do deserve something- You deserve time out, but not ALL the time. EVERYONE deserves time out, and no one is above anyone else in that respect. No matter what they've done for the system, or how much "more" they've done, you ALL HAVE A PURPOSE and are ALL NEEDED.

If nothing else, listen to Danielle. She's obviously trying her hardest and is at her wit's end trying to get through to you. The only way she'll be happy is if she has everyone- she's clearly stated that. And the only way you'll both have a chance at being happy is if you, and the others in your system, SHARE TIME OUT EQUALLY. That way you get your time out and aren't shut away all the f*#king time, which is better than nothing, and Danielle is happy. And it might take a bit to come to a compromise, but think about what you're doing right now- think about what matters most to you. Does Danielle matter most, or yourself? If it's Danielle, then you gotta look at what she wants, and that's everyone.

-KAT

I really dont want to sacrafice myself in order for everyone else inside to be happy, danielle will not be happy if im not happy. and shes not happy this way either. She was just going through hurt and sadness and depression because of me feeling sad and depressed myself, so me being worse off than i was will only make her sad too. She can tell me to bring them back, and that shes sad and hurt and everything right now, but if i do she still will be sad because i will be sad and depressed again. so either way i hurt her i guess. I never want to hurt her or upset her or do anything ill towards her, ever. those were not my intentions upon doing what ive done.

Of course I was sad for you Jack, sad the man I love was sad and depressed and we as in all of us really cant make you happy unless you live your life as yourself, but the rest of us are aware that in order to be ok in this life, you have to share time, or be intergrated.. There isnt much choice in that matter, if I could change things for you or them, I would..You dont want to sacrifice yourself but are willing to sacrifice everyone else, which DOES INCLUDE YOURSELF.. AND OUR RELATIONSHIP, especially if you continue to only see one side and refuse to be happy with all you have, and not focus on what you dont have when its everyone sharing.. cause in all reality.. YOU HAVE IT ALL, beautiful loving children, a very loving patient and strong wife, and amazing willing core, other alters who work as a team with you, a big home now, the ability to help yourself medically, food on the table at all times, love, more love than I could ever express, everything in life others wish they had.. u do.. I love you very much

With all you are going through - I want to give you support and affirmation for being willing to talk at all. You are in a very difficult situation and it is high in emotion and wondering where you stand and all. I really respect your willingness to communicate with people on the board...and considering your system.

My son's system has a 'contract' regarding not harming others on the outside or inside...so they will not lock anyone else away. Your system members can make this agreement for the good of all so that no one has to be locked away... it sounds a little scary (for anyone).

Just know that you have support while you sort this out...and I'm confident you all can...

No one wants to make f*#king sacrifices, that's why they're called sacrifices.

It's clear you see no good in either option, so choose the lesser of two evils. Right now, no offense, you're being pretty f*#king selfish. I'm not saying the others weren't selfish at times either, but that doesn't excuse what you're doing right now. You're about the same as a jailer, right now. A warden. Going around, locking people up and keeping them in lockdown. That's not cool. And you seem to HEAR Danielle, not listen to her. Just because you acknowledge what she, and us on here, say, doesn't mean you're actually getting it (at least, I don't see that you do. Sorry if I'm wrong, but it's the impression I'm getting from you. If you truly saw and understood everything everyone, including myself, has said, then you wouldn't still be fighting this as much as you are).

For all everyone has said, it's clear you're not getting this through your head. So I don't think there's any point in me trying to help or say any more. Danielle, I'm sorry, but you might just have to wait until Jack's more receptive to reason. H3ll, you might even have to wait for this to blow up in his face before there's any progress. It sucks @$$, I know, but sometimes, that's what's needed.

I hope you all can work this sh*t out soon. And you will always have support and be welcomed here.

-KAT

Im writing just to say Chase is back and at the moment we are currently talking and just happen to look at this.. Kat, thank you so much for all you have posted and taking the time for your input, I really appreciate it..

I rarely feel helpful, and I rarely AM helpful. But when I read this thread- it struck way too close to home for me to not put in my two cents. Like I said- I've been where Jack was/is. A few times. I didn't want him making the same mistakes as I did because it is a very hard road to go down, and the others are still healing from the damage I've caused. And they may never heal from it, and I have to live with that. I didn't want Jack living with the same sh*t.

Glad to hear Chase is back. You certainly have a lot to talk about. I hope this all works out.

-KAT

Thank you Kat again, for more words, and I do believe you help alot.. Im sorry you have also been in the position of Jack or had to go through anything that you have to still feel reprecutions of, we all know how that is.. I really do appreciate all of your words..