Very stressful things! Trigger Warning

by **ManyHearts** » Sun Oct 07, 2012 9:11 pm

I just hate it! HATE IT!!
Every girl out there, I hate them, I want to kill them!!
Why do they get the chance to be happy? I just want to rip those happy smiling faces off
Boyfriends, beautiful clothing, beautiful handwriting, and I'm stuck in a male body that I just can't get to write beautiful letters!!

it just drives me mad, very mad, I want to be happy too!
What did I do wrong? Why did god have to put me here and all of them in a female body?
he just hates me! hates me!!!!

(Written by Claire, because Jasmine can't write, I'm sorry for the rude language)

Yeah, cheesy I know, but I don't give a sh*t.

I hear ya, Jazzy. I do. I'm a dude stuck in a chick's body and let me tell ya, it's kinda cool at first, ya know, gettin' that chance to experience the whole "I wonder what it's like" type o' thing, but it gets real f*#king old, real f*#king quick. What I should look like and what I find when I'm "out"- it's like "woah" every single time, and not in a good way. Miss my muscles- Cassandra's got nothin'. But then, she's a chick, so...can't expect much. Miss my hair, includin' facial sh*t. I got little f*#king feet with little f*#king hands- and I'm shorter than h3ll compared to what I "should" be! I got parts I shouldn't have and don't want (least not on me, not permanently, ya know?). An' if I want any chance at gettin' a girl, I gotta find me a lesbian. (No offense to any lesbians out there, but where we're at, I ain't seen that many good lookin' lesbians). 'Sides, half the time I f*#king forget I can't hit on straight chicks and so it doesn't really matter. AND I get t' come out to the fact that Cassandra's got a boyfriend who she shares a room with. Not 'xactly my cup o' tea.

So yeah. I get that it sucks major @$$ sometimes. But God don't hate ya, Jazzy. We all got our crosses to bear, ya know? We all got tests in life an' sh*t. Our test an' our cross is just different than most people's. But when ya think 'bout it, 's not that different. I mean- look at transies. They feel the same way we do. Only difference is that they get to have operations an' sh*t to make 'em look and feel as much like whatever gender they identify with as possible. But ya know what? Don't change what they was born as, and they'll never be as "good" or as "natural" as someone born bein' that gender. Deep down, no matter how good that operation was, they'll always have their days where they feel like we do. So we're not alone in how we feel. I know that doesn't solve nothin', but it kinda helps knowin' that we ain't the only ones with these thoughts an' sh*t.

Do ya do stuff to help ya feel like you wanna feel? I do our hair up as best I can to look like mine, I wear guy clothes, act myself, sh*t like that. I do as much as I can to feel like myself when I'm out. Maybe it'd help you ta do the same. Won't completely stop those feelings an' thoughts, but it'll help lessen 'em I'm sure. As far as boys go- could always talk ta the others 'bout it, see if maybe you can get a boyfriend? Sure he'd have ta be gay or bi, but he'd still be a boyfriend to ya. Could even be a casual date type o' guy, ya know? Nothin' serious. In case the others ain't cool with, uh, certain mature sh*t happenin' (you're too young for that if you're 16, anyways).

If nothin' else, you can always vent here, anytime.

-Dallas

Very stressful things! Trigger Warning