A split from me? Relate? (rambling)

by **lifelongthing** » Wed Sep 19, 2012 6:28 pm

**trigger warning for sexuality etc**
So I was wondering.. There's been this girl who's obviously from me. We share a lot of the same facial expressions (mine being the most noticeably different from Nin's and the one that freaks people out the most for some reason) and we word things in a lot of similar ways (..e.g we both swear loads haha

) except that she's mute and I'm very far from mute

She seems to have held some of my feelings (and maybe had a job that I won't get into right now).. I think she might have split off from me when we were relatively young. We have lost time to her. She's very hard to switch back from as she's very "heavy" in the body (even for me which is unusual). She's said things some of us have been very embarrassed about before we all "came out" (as far as we know our entire system likes women or are kids and obviously don't think that way at all). Well, now that we're out and living in a relationship with a woman she's kinda been gone for a good while. Except on an anniversary date. She came out, we lost time, and since yesterday when Anastasia tried to contact her because she figured it was her on the anniversary (and I was right, so

) she's been back so we can hear her (well her music and such anyway) again.

What I'm wondering is.. How do you know it's an alter and not just a fragment? How do you know she's "real"? I mean, she's a flirtatious, confident, funny as hell, honest, mute girl. Is that enough to make her real? I don't really understand all of it. But I know she got quiet after I started feeling safe enough to actually own those feelings on my own without it being a safety risk to us. We thought maybe she just disappeared back into me because of that but she's back again so obviously not. Eh, I'm kinda rambling.. Guess I'm just wondering if someone can relate? I know I have questions but I can't seem to figure out what it is I actually want to ask/want to know so I'll just post this and hope something makes sense to someone..

But not in a bad way. Nah, she just doesn't let sh*t get in her way or anything like that. She gets what she wants no matter what the cost. That type of sh*t. Anyway, Valera's kinda like a split off of Kat and it sounds kinda similar to what you're talking about. Yeah, Valera's got the emotionless, clear logic of Rain, with the dangerous, violent, emotional explosions of Kat yeah, except Valera has better control and explodes only if it's "appropriate" or whatever. But anyway, she shares a lot of Kat's characteristics, and if she didn't have an accent then it'd be almost impossible to tell them apart (when they're out in control. In here they look different enough). She seemed to disappear for a time after her little boy toy dropped out of contact. Hey, I seem to recall someone liking that "boy toy" back when they were bi. Yeah, that was also when making out was like having s*x, so f*#k off. :roll:

ANYWAY, everyone just thought she had integrated back with either Kat or Cassandra. But wasn't the case. Yeah, she was just lying low 'cause there was no real reason for her to be out unless her boy was around. Half the time we forget she's there just 'cause she doesn't make herself known or anything. Not even in the inner world. In fact, if we didn't already know she was a part, we'd probably think she was a fragment and label her as one. But parts don't have to, well, play a big "part" in the system to be a full part instead of a fragment. They don't have to come out a lot, if at all, and they don't have to do much inside, either. Doesn't mean they're not a full part. In your case...

We think if she's built up her own qualities like being funny and honest, and she's able to have ownership of sh*t, like HER music, then she's a real part, not a fragment. OMG we're such dumb@$$es! We shouldn't be wasting her time bullsh*tting about Valera and Kat! We should be talking about Cassandra and Sandra! Wow we ARE dumb. :roll:

Ah, ce la vie. Alright, we'll try to make this short n sweet so we don't take up too much of the f*#king page.

So, there's Cassandra, who's a bit shy, friendly, helpful, caring, selfless, open-minded, emotional, has little confidence, can get easily stressed, often indecisive, responsible, goal-oriented, and is sometimes impulsive... And then there's Sandra/Sandy/Sandra-Dee, who's confident, she knows she’s sexy, she enjoys showing herself off and being flirtatious, loves to party, gives things her best shot even if she’s unsure of what she’s doing, she's impulsive, and is mature when needed to be but doesn’t want to grow up. What makes her a fragment is that she doesn't have her own real "voice", Yeah, so like, when she's thinking/saying stuff, Cassandra still thinks/says it with "I, Me, Mine," etc. she doesn't have her own "image", So in our little "inner world", she doesn't have her own body or nothing. She's just Cassandra dressed a bit differently and sh*t like that. and she doesn't have her own things. Meaning she doesn't have her own clothes (she's got a STYLE that she likes, but she doesn't have her own clothes like how Luna has her gothy girly sh*t), she doesn't have her own music, she doesn't have her own anything; she just likes certain styles a bit more than Cassandra. Like cliche club/party music? Cassandra thinks it's ok and will listen to it if it's playing, while Sandra will f*#king download it and listen to it 'cause she wants to and likes it. Hope this is making sense. Basically, it's like this: You know how some days you feel awesome and confident and all that sh*t? And some days you just feel like yourself and you feel good, but not top-of-the-world good? Sandra is the top-of-the-world days, and Cassandra is the good days. Yeah, she's still "attached" and sh*t, she just leans more towards certain characteristics than Cassandra does is all. Doesn't really have her own characteristics, just magnified certain ones Cassandra has. Watch, now that we said this, Sandra's going to turn out to actually be an alter. HA HA H- That's not funny. :roll:

Yeah, yeah, bad joke, sorry. (Sandra IS a fragment, not to confuse anyone). Anyway, hope we helped somehow. Yeah, if nothing else, you could always try to "test" that she's real (not meaning to sound mean). Like seeing if she can write to you or type on here or something. Yeah, she's welcome to write on here if she wants. Anyway, good luck figuring sh*t out. ~L.C. ~Luna

by **lifelongthing** » Thu Sep 20, 2012 8:13 am

Thanks for sharing all of that. The longer the better

And yeah, we finally got some communication going between some parts this morning and found out that not only is she an alter, we're 19 instead of 16 alters! ###$ me, wasn't expecting to get that much info

Awesome though

So yeah, guess it helped to write all this out and ask the questions even though I didn't know what I was really wanting to ask

she just leans more towards certain characteristics than Cassandra does is all. Doesn't really have her own characteristics, just magnified certain ones Cassandra has.

Ah that makes sense. Never really got the whole frag thing so thanks a bunch.

Yeah, if nothing else, you could always try to "test" that she's real (not meaning to sound mean). Like seeing if she can write to you or type on here or something. Yeah, she's welcome to write on here if she wants

Oh she def can write here if she knew we were on here. She has her own playlists etc so I know she does her own things

So yeah - thanks!

by **lifelongthing** » Thu Sep 20, 2012 9:07 am

So yeah, thought we'd let you all get to know our "newest" additions. Only one is actually kinda new.. So here goes:

It's the flirty one. She's definitely one of mine and she's been introduced above. Neat-o.

It's also another female. A very, very sad and lonely woman we made because of a traumatic event. She carries all of our sadness, loneliness and longing that we couldn't hold in regard to that particular happening. There was a major change in our life, and it hurt some of us deeply, and she split from Anastasia. From what I've heard she's 20 years old. Our SO has met her a couple of times - we (in this body) don't know her very well though. Is it normal for someone to hold those kinds of feelings after the others feel them and can no longer bear it? I thought one was supposed to make "useful" alters (e.g someone who wouldn't mind what happened or was strong) instead of someone to hold the hurt? Anyone relate? Either way we obviously welcome her!

There's also one more, but the host doesn't know about him/her yet so that's for a different time

It's all good though so I'm glad we got all this information.

**trigger warning for religion**
Michelle Featherstone - God bless the child

God bless the child
who can find their way home
God bless the child
who is weary in soul

God bless the child
who is broken and bruised
God bless the child
who just wants to be good

Oh, beware
to take care of yourself
or you'll lack the strength
to help somebody else

So take care, take care
of yourself
**trigger warning end**
That was for the sad woman, she (Leo) says.. The info came after I played a song for the 3 y/o because she was scared (music is hugely important for our system) and she and the SO talked a lot about our grandma and us all staying together forever etc etc.. The song goes like this:

Michelle Featherstone - I'm there too

I see myself in you
In everything you do
And when you’re all alone at night
You know I am by your side
'Cause I’m there too

I see me in your eyes
And I’m tears you cry
And when you fall apart
And I’m dying from a broken heart
I’m there too

I see your footsteps in the sand
As you journey on across this land
But if you should fall on your way
Then I will carry you that day
'Cause I’m there
I’m there too
Yeah I’m there too

I see your face in mine
And I know there’ll come a time
When you will take my hand
And I will understand
That you’re there too
When you will take my hand
And I will understand
That you’re there
You’re there too

So yeah, sorry this got so long :shock:

But had some news

by **tomboy24** » Fri Sep 21, 2012 3:46 am

Hey Flirty, welcome 20 yr old, and hello Mystery! You're all welcome here, and congrats to lifelongthing for learning about these guys. People. What? Well, they're not all guys. I meant guys as in people, dumb@$$. Not guys as in boys. Duh.

"Duh" yourself and shut up.

ANYWAY, alters that hold sh*t like pain, loneliness, memories, etc., are "useful" alters too. Yeah, without us and without Damone, and probably a couple others like Cassidy, Cassandra and the rest of them would have to deal with this sh*t themselves. Alters that hold stuff like pain help the other alters but usually it's mainly to help the host, right, and the host, function better. Yeah, see, if an alter's holding sh*t like pain or memories for others/the host then the host/others don't have worry about coping with that pain/memories/etc. on top of dealing with everyday life bullsh*t. So, like, we carry a lot of pain from sh*t that happened and it affects us. Mostly me. Nah, affects both of us. Just affects you more. Nothin' wrong with that. Right. :roll:

Anyway, if Cassandra didn't have us to hold that pain, then she would be affected by it in the same way that we are. And that would make everyday life extremely difficult for her. And Kat. And Cassie. And Rain. And anyone who was "out". Well, maybe not Rain so much. Maybe... but still. The point's there. Yes it is. Congrats on your perception skills. :roll:

F*#k you.

Whatever. So, yeah, short story long we can relate because we're made to hold sh*t too. And it's normal to have alters like that/for that purpose. You know, I just thought of something. The fact that we're extremely apathetic so we usually don't mind anything that happened/happens? Yeah, thought of it too. So, does that makes us the kind of alters that hold sh*t and don't mind, like a "useful" one I guess, or- No, dumb@$$. We (used to) SH. We have our bad days. The sh*t still affects us. Just only sometimes. 'Cause the rest of the time we don't care about it. :lol:

Gotcha. We should stop rambling now. Yeah. So, hello to all "newbies", and welcome. Nice to hear about you. And we hope we helped clear up the whole "useful" alter thing. ~L.C. (No, you didn't offend anyone. Even if it had actually been offensive, we're apathetic. We could care less about offensive sh*t). ~Luna

by **lifelongthing** » Fri Sep 21, 2012 5:05 am

Yeah I should probably clear that up - I didn't mean useful as in the others are useless. I meant that for that alter who is hurting so much, it would be more useful to be able to work through it and not stand in the middle of the pain all the ######6 time. We care about everyone in the system - no matter what they do or how they cope or anything. I can be offensive without even meaning to at times

Plus, I kinda felt like we "did it wrong" but yeah you're right - someone's gotta hold it I guess. I'm used to Elisa.. She takes the emotional hurt for almost the entire system when they can't hold it any more. But then this split and she has the same job sort of but she only has the emotional memories from that one event - not a 1000 events like Elisa, if that makes sense. I'm so tired I could collapse so sorry about anything weird we wrote yesterday. But yeah, makes sense so that really helped. I didn't know you could split off emotions from an event that you had already experienced and already felt the pain of. I thought you could split as it was happening, not afterwards kinda. But it seems once can cause we did it so

.. All in all - very helpful and thanks for the welcomes

by **lifelongthing** » Fri Sep 21, 2012 12:56 pm

So yeah - another little question if you all don't mind. Does that mean you don't lose time to a fragment or do you lose time to both a fragment and an alter but their.. uh, "fullness" is different? I'm not too smart so sorry to be asking loads of weird questions

by **tomboy24** » Fri Sep 21, 2012 7:39 pm

Well, uh, we just found out kinda that we don't really lose time. Or at least, Cassandra doesn't. Yeah, other ones like us who aren't out most of the time can technically "lose time" I guess, but mainly if we don't remember something, it's because we were in our rooms or just didn't care to pay attention or something like that. But, Cassandra never tried to convince herself that she lost time with Sandra/Sandy/Sandra-Dee. Yeah, mainly 'cause with a fragment, you don't lose complete control. Because it's not a complete change/switch. Right. It might be hard to get through to the controls, but at least for Cassandra, it's a lot easier to gain control through Sandra than it is with a full-split alter/part. It's kinda like...hm.. Do you know Freud at all? The id, ego, superego stuff? Yeah, like id's primal or whatever, superego is super good or whatever, and the ego tries to balance them out? A fragment is more like your id or superego, kinda like a conscience or something, where as an alter is like a whole person named "Id". :lol:

Hope that makes sense. :roll:

So, yes, we believe that you would not lose time with a fragment. You might not remember as clearly, but you should remember since it's a fragment of you that's out, not a completely different part of you. No worries about the questions, we don't mind. Besides, it's good to ask questions when you don't know stuff or are unsure about it. We just hope to actually be helpful instead of rambling annoyingly. :lol:

~Luna ~L.C.

by **lifelongthing** » Sat Sep 22, 2012 12:37 pm

eah, mainly 'cause with a fragment, you don't lose complete control. Because it's not a complete change/switch.

Does that mean you never lose time to a fragment? Or, the one the fragment is split from/a part of?

where as an alter is like a whole person named "Id".

Haha that's funny :lol:

Needed a laugh!

And yeah - you guys are def helpful

Thanks!

by **tomboy24** » Mon Sep 24, 2012 1:28 am

With how DID varies from one person to the other, we like using the saying "never say never". But, with possible exceptions, you're right- the one who the fragment is a part of shouldn't lose time. Other alters can lose time when that fragment's in control, because it's not a fragment of them, otherwise (at least in our experience and from what we've read) there shouldn't be any black-out time loss. The fragment might still be able to sort of "block out" whoever they're supposed to be co-hosting with depending on the person and their system, but no straight black-outs or blank spots in memory should be caused by a fragment. Like, you know how switching is with DID? Yeah, kinda like someone hijacking your car and driving it around before bringing it back to you? With a fragment, it'd be more like someone jumped into your lap and started driving for you but you're both still in the "driver's seat" and know what's going on. If that makes more sense. So, like, with us, when we switch with Cassandra, it's a full-on "she gets out of the driver's seat and we sit in it" switching deal. But with Sandra, it's more like she comes up to Cassandra, sits on her lap, and starts "driving". ~Luna ~L.C.

A split from me? Relate? (rambling)

A split from me? Relate? (rambling)

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