Done living this lie

tomboy24 wrote:I'm starting to think that Christmas is the problem. It's been at least 9 years since we had at least an "ok" Christmas, and even before that it was hard to have a good Christmas (just not as hard).

I am wishing you the merriest of Christmas' this year Sweetie!

There is NO f*#king "Pretty", and there is NO f*#king "Blank"!! STOP THIS BULLSH*T RIGHT NOW!! THIS IS GOING PAST THE LINE OF RIDICULOUSNESS!!!

Oh, and as far as listing a non-existent "alter" with the same name as my brother.... If. You. Do. Not. Take. That. Name. Down. I. Will. Take. It. Down. Myself. And. It. Will. Be. Over. Between. Us. Is that crystal f*#king clear? We will not be friend anymore, ever. You will never talk to me again, ever. I will never listen to you again, ever. And I will forever hate you. Is that what you want? Because that's what you'll get if you don't take down that name and stop this f*#king bullsh*t ASAP.

You're only hurting yourself. Stop making more lies. You're only going to drown yourself in them, it's already happening and you know it! Just...make the lies into story characters or something to get this sh*t out of your system, but stop making up more non-existent "alters"! You are the cause of pretty much all of your problems. WAKE UP and REALIZE THAT.

-- Thu Jan 17, 2013 6:46 pm --



I took it down...
is leaving "deleted" ok...?
I'm sorry...please don't leave...please don't be mad at me...you're right. You're always right. I don't know why it always takes me so long to see it. I'm sorry... this is getting ridiculous and I have to stop. At the very least I know I have to stop making up new ones and I'm not trying to...my thoughts just get carried away, and then I over-think things, and then I start believing even though there's no proof, and then yeah...it gets out of hand. But I'll work on it. I swear.

-Cassandra

I HATE YOU!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?! STOP F*#KING WITH MY HEAD! F*#K YOU, AND F*#K ALL YOUR SUPPOSED "ALTERS"!

-- Fri Jan 18, 2013 11:48 am --

I'm not sure what I'm doing but I'm sorry for whatever it is....

I never meant to upset you, especially not this much....

-Cassandra

-- Fri Jan 18, 2013 11:49 am --

You know d@mn well what you're doing. F*#king having your supposed "alters" try to convince me of bullsh*t that's not true! Stop it!

shay
see
stuff
inside.

shay
type
right
with
cassies
help.

shay
type
what
see
and
hear.




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People sitting/standing around big table. Look like meeting room. Kat standing, arms crossed. Rain, Marie, Hawk, Cassandra, and Dallas sitting. Valera sitting in corner, away from table. Everyone looking at Pinkish Person that standing at head of table.

Pinkish Person: "Imagination."
Kat: "No."
Everyone else: *shake head no*

Pinkish Person: "Hallucinations, schizophrenia, drugs."
Kat: "No, no, and no."
Everyone else: *shake head no*

Pinkish Person: *look angry, glares at Kat lots* "Factitious Disorder, "molded to fit", faking turned into Factitious Disorder."
Kat: "No, no, and still no."
Everyone else: *shake head no*

Pinkish Person: *looks frustrated* "Need for attention, faking turned "real", lies made truth by belief."
Kat: "No! We've already been over all of these! How many times do we have to go over them?! They don't f*#king fit, they're not f*#king correct, and you're f*#king wrong! Get that through you're f*#king head!"
Pinkish Person: "According to you, my head is your head, so tell yourself to get it through you're f*#king head if it's so simple!"
Kat: *starts toward Pinkish Person*
Rain: *stands in way of Kat and Pinkish Person* "Stop this ridiculousness now before it goes any further. This is not helpful to anyone in any way. I would hope you two would be intelligent and mature enough to grasp that fact."
Pinkish Person: *looks away, looks mad*
Kat: *backs off, re-crosses arms, glares at Pinkish Person*

Rain: "Now, then. Kat, you do have a point, we have already discussed over all of these possibilities, and nothing explains everything better, so far, than the possibility of DDNOS-1/DID. We have talked about these topics repeatedly. I believe it is time that we all come to an agreement on the fact that the possibility of DDNOS-1/DID is, in fact, very real for us."
Pinkish Person: *open mouth to protest*
Rain: "Before any protests are made, please note that I said the POSSIBILITY of DDNOS-1/DID is real for us." *hard stare at Pinkish Person*
Pinkish Person: *crosses arms*
Hawk: "We've been over this before as well. DID is an actual diagnosis, it is an actual condition, it's in the DSM, it has treatment centers, there are therapists who specialize in this condition- these things don't exist just to exist. They exist for a reason, and that reason is DDNOS-1/DID is real, and it is time to face the reality that it is POSSIBLE that we have it."
Kat: "If any of us, including Cassandra, was doing this just for attention, we could milk a lot more attention out of it if that's what we truly wanted, and you know it."
Pinkish Person: *glares at Kat*

Valera: "Enough. I am done."

*all turn towards Valera*

Valera: "This person's, this alter's eyes are closed, and they will not be opened by any of us it seems. So I am done. I will not waste my time trying to make someone see what is right in front of their face." *stands and faces Pinkish Person* "I am not of this body, yet at the same time I am. I am Russian, yet in reality, my body, which I share, is not. I am from Mother Russia, yet in reality, my body, which I share, has never been to Mother Russia. I look nothing like this body, yet in reality, this is my body, and this is how I look in reality, as much as I wish it was not true, no offense to Cassandra. I am nothing like this body, this life is nothing like what I would live, and yet I accept the fact and truth that this is my body, I share my body, and in reality, this is my life, though it is still lived in a way that I would not live it in." *moves closer to Pinkish Person, stares eye to eye* "If I can accept such opposites to be true all at once, because they are, then you can at least accept the simple possibility of all of this being true." *steps back from Pinkish Person* "And if you cannot see this simple possibility, then I will not waste my time waiting around for you to open your eyes, talking in endless circles with you."

*Valera walks out of the room*

*All look back to where Pinkish Person was. Pinkish Person suddenly gone now*

Kat: *slams fist on table* "G*dd@mmit!! Disappeared again! F*#king sh*t!"
Dallas: "Not exactly such a bad thing. That means Valera got to them in some way to make them go running back "home"."
Kat: "Yeah, and the last time they ran back home, they f*#king set fire to the Second Level."
Hawk: "Yeah, and now we're more prepared for this sort of stuff, aren't we? Let's go, everyone. Take up your watch stations, keep in touch. Marie, you and Damone are on the clean-up crew today. We'll be adding help and switching out when we can. Let's go, people!"

*Everyone leaves room*


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~s
h
a
y~

&

- cassie

Every little talk and every step you take is progress. It might not feel like it and you may not be reaching him/her yet, but you're working together - and that is progress in itself.

The best of luck.

Pinkish person, salmon-text, whatever you want to be called...
First of all:
1.You're a da** idiot. I'm sorry to say that (NOT!), but just because you don't want to accept something doesn't mean you can go around screwing up someone else's, in a sense, life.
2.Cassandra, this person is not your friend. I don't care what you think of the salmon-text, he's trying to screw with your life and your head. Please don't let this person take advantage of you.
3.Salmon-text... just... my God. I don't even know what to say to you. I was honestly trying to come up with some angry reply/rant that was so awesome you would just f*** off, but apparently not.
Don't worry Cassandra, I've got your back.
-Shadow (Is back...)

(Thank you for your support, Lifelongthing and Shadow. However, Shadow, I have to ask you to please put a Trigger Warning on replies that are confrontational in nature, as such replies can be triggering to other users/people here.

I am allowing the "Pinkish Person" to reply this time, though I will be changing their text color so it is less visible, since this is not the place for confrontations and replies of a confrontational nature should be as non-triggering as possible here.

~Rain)


***Trigger Warning: angry/confrontational reply**
First of all, Shadow, mind your own f*#king business.

Cassandra is the one screwing up her life. I was trying to help her stop f*#king it up. I was trying to be a good friend. Key word: WAS. I tried to f*#k off. I was done. I still am done! I had washed my hands of all of this bullsh*t and lies. But then all these m*therf*#kers started dragging me to meetings and won't leave me the f*#k alone and are f*#king with my head. So you know what? F*#K YOU. I tried to f*#k off and got f*#king dragged back in to all this bullsh*t.

*End Trigger Warning*

Please let me make it clear that no one is upset with you (aside from the "Pinkish Person"), Shadow, and you have done nothing wrong. But I wish to state that it is important for us that this person/alter does not simply "f*#k off". Every alter is important, and we are all parts of the same puzzle. The puzzle cannot be completed if a piece is missing. Every alter was developed for a reason, every alter has/had their purpose/role/"job", and every alter is important to the system, even those that do not seem helpful at first or those that can be difficult to interact/work with. In order to make progress, we need every alter to be as close to "on the same page" as everyone else as possible, but we also understand that things like this do not happen overnight, and do not always happen easily. This part/alter is only hurting themselves with their denial, and once they realize that, I imagine they will be devastated to some extent.


~Rain

-- Mon Jan 28, 2013 2:53 pm --

Desiria wrote:
2.Cassandra, this person is not your friend. I don't care what you think of the salmon-text, he's trying to screw with your life and your head. Please don't let this person take advantage of you.

Don't worry Cassandra, I've got your back.
-Shadow (Is back...)

Thank you, Shadow...

It's kinda nice hearing that said outside of my system (we usually tell each other we got each other's backs all the time, so it's nice to hear that supportive saying other places, from other people).

Friend or not, it's hard to not listen and start to believe what this person/part says at times... Especially since the things that are said sometimes seem to make so much sense and be so true.... But I'm trying to recognize this as denial more often, and I'm trying to not let the doubt take over. I was even at the meeting today. That's the first one of those meetings I've been to. Apparently there's been a few like that. I didn't know those were happening.

I hope that this person/part comes around soon... They've seemed to get a bit better... But I was able to see today in the meeting just how frustrated they really are and how much you can tell they're obviously fighting against themselves and what they recognize as facts/truth... It kinda made me feel bad for them... I think they'll be very upset when they finally realize everything and can start to accept everything... It'll be better in the long run, of course, and it's healthier and it's needed, but I think it'll still be a huge upsetting situation for them...


-Cassandra

Can you understand why any person would act like Walk_Alone? What kinds of situations does Walk_Alone come out in? What kind of memories does Walk_Alone have?

We want to help, but I can't keep this straight in my head right now. We have several people in our system who act like Walk_Alone. Please, if you have any questions, ask. In the meantime, I'll try to ask everyone for their advice.

@Pinkish Person/Salmon-Text/Walk_Alone: We didn't know what to call you, so we called you Walk_Alone in this post (like your screen name), but if you have something you'd rather be called by, please let us know.

michiru7422 wrote:Can you understand why any person would act like Walk_Alone? What kinds of situations does Walk_Alone come out in? What kind of memories does Walk_Alone have?

We apologize. We have forgotten that we know for a fact that Walk_Alone/Pinkish Person is an alter known only as "Big Ryan". "Big Ryan" is strongly suspected to be a father introject. We are unsure/unaware of any times "Big Ryan" has come out. We do not know what memories they have. Not much is know about them except that "Big Ryan" is suspected to stay in "The Darkness" and Keith/"Little Ryan" is usually with "Big Ryan".

michiru7422 wrote:We want to help, but I can't keep this straight in my head right now. We have several people in our system who act like Walk_Alone. Please, if you have any questions, ask. In the meantime, I'll try to ask everyone for their advice.

Thank you for your reply, it's helpful to just have support. We'll keep your offer in mind if we have questions to ask. Thank you again.

michiru7422 wrote:@Pinkish Person/Salmon-Text/Walk_Alone: We didn't know what to call you, so we called you Walk_Alone in this post (like your screen name), but if you have something you'd rather be called by, please let us know.

(Not trying to answer for Walk_Alone, but they've expressed that they don't want to share any name to go by before, and we doubt that's changed).


~A mixture of us(?)

To Walk_Alone.

(I hope it's OK to call you with that name, if you're not okay with it, just say so.)

** might be confrontational **

I have a question. Whether you believe you're part of Cassandra etc. or not, can you maybe tell what would happen if it were the case? I.e. what would happen if you found out the DID/DDNOS-1 is real and that Cassandra is, well, not the only one in her head, so to say?