Done living this lie

Ok, this is IT. I've HAD IT. We are figuring this sh*t out RIGHT THE F*#K NOW!
Ok.
What?
I agree with you. This needs to be resolved as much as possible, as quickly as possible. So, here: **TRIGGER WARNING: Discusses alters, alter roles**

'Bout f*#king time.
Ok, well, let's start out by listing what we know about the pink text.

• They like or at least tolerate the color pink more than the rest of us,
• They are confident, and rather arrogant and cocky,
• They know everything, or almost everything, that's happened in our life. They just don't view it as also being their life,
• They trash-talk, aren't afraid of anyone (so it seems), and will stand up to any challenge (from what I've seen from the memory archives),
• They say they're a "friend" of Cassandra's,
• They say Cassandra doesn't need therapy,
• They're obviously in denial,
• And they say that Cassandra never went through any trauma or abuse....

You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
Yup-
Possible Father Introject.

So, now what?
Now we take stuff inside, and see what we can do. ~The Hawk
-KAT

It's great that you're working together with this to solve this. Wishing you the best of luck

Hawk....


Deep breath!
You are getting too worked up.
Go enjoy Christmas... or is Christmas the problem.

Work on integration rather than going in the direction you are going. Work on all parts getting along. Relax. When you begin to integrate the parts will work better together and in the direction of the same goals.


note: Yeah - I detest trigger warnings too! Heck my life is one trigger after another. The goal is to learn to deal with them, not avoid them. But we have to be politically correct in public don't we.

tylas wrote:Hawk....


Deep breath!
You are getting too worked up.
Go enjoy Christmas... or is Christmas the problem.

Work on integration rather than going in the direction you are going. Work on all parts getting along. Relax. When you begin to integrate the parts will work better together and in the direction of the same goals.


note: Yeah - I detest trigger warnings too! Heck my life is one trigger after another. The goal is to learn to deal with them, not avoid them. But we have to be politically correct in public don't we.

I'm actually fine, I'm not getting worked up at all. The gung-ho one is Kat, and that's just because she's getting sick of everything just running in circles and not getting anywhere.

I'm starting to think that Christmas is the problem. It's been at least 9 years since we had at least an "ok" Christmas, and even before that it was hard to have a good Christmas (just not as hard). Cassandra's told me that lately she's been hearing this denial voice more often lately, so I'm thinking that Christmas may be triggering it.

We don't wish to integrate, but even if we did, I'd much rather do it while in therapy with a professional to help us and guide us instead of attempting it on our own. Right now, my hopes are that the more we know about this possible part/alter, the more we can understand why they say the things they do, and the more we understand, the easier it will be for Cassandra to think "They're just saying this because of this", instead of thinking, "They must be right", or something like that.

I'm certainly not trying to rush anything, and I will definitely slow down or stop if needed. My only goal right now is to be to a fairly stable/functional point so that the littles can enjoy this holiday for the first time in a long while (possibly the first time ever for 1 or 2 of 'em).


~The Hawk

lifelongthing wrote:It's great that you're working together with this to solve this. Wishing you the best of luck

Thank you.


~The Hawk

My only goal right now is to be to a fairly stable/functional point so that the littles can enjoy this holiday for the first time in a long while (possibly the first time ever for 1 or 2 of 'em).

We're working for this too.. I hope it works for you. So far it hasn't for us but we're still hoping and doing our best. From me.

It hasn't really worked for us yet, either. Well, kinda. Cassie was super excited to get a real tree for the first time in a long time, and she had fun baking cookies (after getting over some stuff related to holiday cookie baking). But other than that things haven't really gone that well. I'm hoping that the actual holiday days will go well at the very least, though, and I'm going to do my best to help that happen.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Having/getting good holiday memories are definitely worth continuing to try for, especially since we deserve to have good holiday memories (just as everyone else does).


~The Hawk


(On another note, I've realized another important piece of information about the pink text- They don't want to share any information over the internet about themselves, and are wary about the whole idea. This is similar to our father, who has always been slightly paranoid, especially about the internet and people being able to see/take your information and stuff. So, yet another clue that this text may very well be a father introject).

Yes. We've been trying for many years now. Tried the hardest this year though. Ironically, this is the worst one yet. Hopefully things will feel better soon. It's a bit better today at least. From me

lifelongthing wrote:Yes. We've been trying for many years now. Tried the hardest this year though. Ironically, this is the worst one yet. Hopefully things will feel better soon. It's a bit better today at least. From me

I think sometimes when we try too hard, we end up making it worse. Sometimes we just need to step back and not force it so much. If you're not ok, be "not ok". If you're doing ok, do things that will help keep you "ok". Stuff like that. It's just as important to let yourself cry as it is to let yourself smile.

I highly doubt this is the worst holiday season yet. This time, you've gotten to know more parts of yourself, and you're able to all be there for each other now as a type of family. That's got to count for something.


~The Hawk

I highly doubt this is the worst holiday season yet. This time, you've gotten to know more parts of yourself, and you're able to all be there for each other now as a type of family. That's got to count for something.

Of course it does, but for us - this is the worst holiday season yet out of the ones we've tried to make good. We have each other, but that also means more PTSD, more memories, more everything. But things are going okay now. It's getting better. Of course, it's always better than being at home *shudders*. All in all, we'll get through it and we've got people who care both inside and out. I'll stop hijacking this post now, I'm sorry. From me

*Possible Trigger Warning*
ryan ryan ryan ryan ryan....
that name echoes in my head...
i don't like that name....
i don't want to hear that name....
but still it goes...
ryan ryan ryan ryan ryan....
i don't know why i chose yellow...
i don't know who i am...
i don't know if i'm real...
but i know the name ryan even though i don't want to...
the things i know are the things i don't want to know....
ryan ryan ryan ryan ryan ryan....
that name is too close to me...
i don't like it....


- ???