Done living this lie

STOP SAYING "WE"! STOP LYING! All you speak is LIES and it's got to STOP! You ARE CASSANDRA. YOU ARE ONE F*#KING PERSON/PERSONALITY/WHATEVER! STOP HIDING BEHIND THESE FAKE NAMES, THESE FAKE PARTS, THESE FAKE "PERSONALITIES"! The ONLY solution you HAVE is to STOP LYING and STOP LIVING THESE LIES!

But you know what? If your lies are all you want, then go on, have your f*#king lies. I'm through with you. Don't ever try to talk to me or anything ever again. I hope you're f*#king happy with your lies, 'cause that's all you're ever going to have.

Oh, and I WILL make you pay for lying to me. Unlike you, I don't lie, and I mean everything I say.

-- Sat Oct 13, 2012 9:48 am --

NO!
I'm sorry...I'm so so sorry....
I don't know why I can't seem to stop....I tried! I really did!
Please don't hate me....I'm just really, really f*#ked up....but I am trying....I do want to stop lying....it's just really, really hard.....
Please understand.....
Maybe....maybe just give me some time....? Give me some space...? I WILL try to stop lying, I just need some time....you know? I can't just stop all at once....it's so hard....so reflexive....
I don't mean to upset you...I really, really don't....and I don't want you to go....I never meant to chase you away....
I WILL try to stop lying....I won't say I promise, because I know you won't believe me, but I WILL try....I just need a chance, some time, to show that I am trying, that I CAN stop lying....ok...?
I know I don't deserve you, and I know that you've put up with a lot of bullsh*t you shouldn't have had to deal with from me, but please....understand that it's not that easy for me to just stop....not when I've been doing it for so long....
But I WILL try. I WILL.

-- Sat Oct 13, 2012 9:49 am --

No you f*#king won't! You are NOT going to f*#king toss us aside like that! We will NOT be locked away!! I'm not going to let you call me a lie and do away with me that f*#king easily!

I'M SORRY!!
I didn't mean to!! I swear!!
See what I mean?! I try to stop, but it just..happens..again! It's like a reflex! I don't know how to stop it! It's like...it's like when someone says they'll stop smoking, but then they find themselves lighting up a cigarette...you know...?
I just need some time...ok...? I'll show you I can stop lying but I need some time to try....

So we aren't oracles of multiplicity but just thought we might say that it doesn't seem like you are lying. Yeah, if you weren't a multiple, you would not be having this conversation, Cassandra. Sorry things are sh*t for you all at the moment. Denial is a dangerous river, chickie. Safe hugs! -Gem&Minne-

tomboy24 wrote:That's cool that you don't hate me, BUT...
I am NOT trying to protect any "system", I am NOT "part" of Cassandra, I am NOT part of any of this! I'm posting here by hacking into her account because I see no point in making my own since all I want her to do is stop lying and stop living these lies! I HATE those lies, those "parts" that she says she has! I'd never do anything to try and protect her lies or whatthef*#kever.

If she doesn't come clean, she's going to be swallowed up by all these lies and be trapped by them forever. She's going to spend the rest of her life bound to lies, living lies, and having to "keep up" with these lies. I didn't want this for her and tried to help, but it's clear she doesn't f*#king care how she ends up. She can drown in her lies alone for all I care, now. What she's doing here is ending our friendship, or what little of it we had left thanks to all of her bullsh*t.

I know her life wasn't perfect, but it wasn't nearly as f*#king bad as she makes it out to be. She just does that to get people to feel sorry for her. She didn't have any real trauma, least not as much as she tries to say she's had to try and explain these lies. As for me, I haven't been through any "trauma", except maybe for all the bullsh*t she's put me through with her lies and drama and sh*t.

Hi there. You're welcome!

Okay, so if you are not "part of anything", as you put it, are you someone from the outside? A member of the family perhaps? Or a voice of conscience? (We all have that, no matter if we were multiple or not!)

I can really understand you hating the "lies" you are being told - do they cause panic or other intolerable feelings in you? We all have different motivators for our behavior, I example wouldn't start a fist fight without a good reason! So what is your good reason behind this? I know you already told me that Cassandra would drown in her own lies and "ruin her life"... So even if you said that you're not protecting her (or anyone else) - isn't this a bit similar to what you are doing? You just want her to have a happy life without any lies or pretending to be something else and you want to save your friendship with her. And that's quite a remarkable job you're doing! I'll tell you that.

You certainly have the right to be mad at Cassandra if she has hurted you in any way. But try to understand that if you try to silence Cassandra (and others even if you dont believe they exist), it'll only make things worse. For both of you. Does Cassandra even KNOW how you feel about all this? How you feel about breaking the friendship you two once had?

I really hope you can fix your relationship! I hope I can help even a little bit because it makes me sad beyond words to see how you two and the others (even though you don't believe them existing) are having such a painful fight.

I REALLY don't want you to make feel bad but I want to ask you something... What would it mean to YOU, if the "lies" Cassandra is telling you and others, would be in fact truths? If she didn't make up all this, the DID, the parts...what would it mean to You? This is purely theoretical thinking and I don't want to force you this thought as a truth. That is for you to decide if you want to think that more or not.

tomboy24 wrote:-- Sat Oct 13, 2012 9:35 am --

Adameil: We've tried talking. We've tried everything before I couldn't sit back and play nice anymore. So far, the only thing that seemed to work for a bit, but ended up not working as well, was the whole "look down", shock-thing that I did, showing them that their hands move as I type.

If they can hear us, they don't acknowledge us. And we can't hear them. Only Cassandra hears them. We only know stuff from what Cassandra tells us and what we read here when they post sh*t.

We're trying to understand them, but they won't budge. All they want is for us to stop lying, even though we're not. The only time they were "happy" was after Cassandra posted that "I'm done lying" thread and tried to shut us all away again. She almost f*#king did, too, but Shay wasn't about to stand for any of that, and she fought her way out and kept herself out until she felt that she had proved herself to Cassandra.

So, we're at a f*#king loss of what to do. Talking isn't working, fighting obviously isn't working, the only thing that "worked" was Cassandra trying to shut us away, but f*#k that sh*t. What else is there? 'Cause we have no f*#king clue.

Hi there.

I get it that you're mad for these new parts. Hurting others, forcing them to go back in and silencing them would make me throw a fit of the year aswell! And I have gone through something similar, not even a long ago. (The a-parent doppelgangers were like this.)

Some parts carry tons of protective layers before you finally learn to understand them. Fighting certainly doesn't work and it'll only make things worse by causin even more aggression in the system. So whenever someone attacks, can you try blocking? We just invented a new martial art in our system that is used ONLY for blocking safely and in pain free way parts that are angry. We also use a football field where they can kick the ball to walls and let the excess steam out.

I also noticed that some of my parts use aggression and violence to show how bad they are feeling. It's like pain aggression! The more it hurts, the more aggressive they get (both physically and mentally) and the more they need to move around.

I really hope you can figure this out! And I'm sure that sooner or later you do. I hope I can help even a little bit.

Adameil wrote:Okay, so if you are not "part of anything", as you put it, are you someone from the outside? A member of the family perhaps? Or a voice of conscience? (We all have that, no matter if we were multiple or not!)

I'm a friend of Cassandra's "on the outside", I guess is how you'd put it. You know, a real person? I found her account sh*t one day, so I've been sorta hacking into her account to post on here.

Adameil wrote:I can really understand you hating the "lies" you are being told - do they cause panic or other intolerable feelings in you? We all have different motivators for our behavior, I example wouldn't start a fist fight without a good reason! So what is your good reason behind this? I know you already told me that Cassandra would drown in her own lies and "ruin her life"... So even if you said that you're not protecting her (or anyone else) - isn't this a bit similar to what you are doing? You just want her to have a happy life without any lies or pretending to be something else and you want to save your friendship with her. And that's quite a remarkable job you're doing! I'll tell you that.

They don't cause anything like panic- I just don't like lies, lying, liars, etc. Especially when people lie to friends and people they say they care about. Not cool.

I never said I wasn't trying to protect Cassandra. I'm trying to protect her from herself and the downward spiral she's on with her lies and bullsh*t. I just said I wasn't trying to protect those fake "personalities", I'm not trying to protect her lies.

Adameil wrote:You certainly have the right to be mad at Cassandra if she has hurted you in any way. But try to understand that if you try to silence Cassandra (and others even if you dont believe they exist), it'll only make things worse. For both of you. Does Cassandra even KNOW how you feel about all this? How you feel about breaking the friendship you two once had?

She's been lying to me after she supposedly "came clean" about everything. So yeah, I'm a little mad. I see I was right about her coming crying apologies, though. I know her lies are pretty f*#king reflexive by now, so who knows, maybe she does just need some time like she says. I won't be holding my breath though, that's for sure.

She knows how I feel. We've...talked, I guess you could say (they usually turn into yelling matches, but we get our points across).

Adameil wrote:I REALLY don't want you to make feel bad but I want to ask you something... What would it mean to YOU, if the "lies" Cassandra is telling you and others, would be in fact truths? If she didn't make up all this, the DID, the parts...what would it mean to You? This is purely theoretical thinking and I don't want to force you this thought as a truth. That is for you to decide if you want to think that more or not.

I know these lies aren't true, but since you asked...
If the lies were true (I'm not saying they are, 'cause they aren't), then I'd probably start wondering how this came about because she hasn't gone through any real trauma to cause this, you know? She hasn't been through anything that would make this real, if that makes sense. I'd also start wondering how she can seem to be perfectly normal in certain situations, and then seem to be, "multiple" or whatever, in other situations (usually, it seems, by choice). I'd also wonder why she her psychologist or whoever doubted, and at first didn't put down, DID when she was evaluated for diagnosis. He even ended up just putting "possible DID" because she threw a little tantrum for him catching her in her lie.

-- Sun Oct 14, 2012 11:54 pm --

I DO! I DO just need some time... that's all I'm asking for. Some time to work on adjusting and learning to not lie so compulsively and stuff... I am trying to stop lying, I just can't do it immediately, you know..? It's hard...

Just like at the other topic: Calm down, both of you.

Lies or no lies, leave it. does any of you know why those lies happen? does any of you know what causes those lies to exist? And I'm not simply talking about an addiction, I want a reason, a cause. I don't care if the words are lies, I'd rather look at the feelings.

Do multiple personalities cause you to be multiple persons? or do they cause you to have a different way of dealing with stuff? I don't care if you have a hundred personalities or only two, in both situations you only live ONE life. You are ONE person, living ONE life during ONE lifetime. The multiple personalities are just a way of living that one life, whether they do or don't really exist. So what if someone likes to hide behind different names and ages, who cares?

Back in 1961, two students raised their glasses to freedom... thy ended up in prison for 7 years.
These days, freedom is still hard to find, just take a look around and look at how similar everyone has to be in order to be accepted. Have the guts to live your own life on your own way, and have the courage to accept the way others decide to live, whether it is a truth or a lie.

I thought I was rather f*#king calm compared to previous posts on here, so get off my back.

I happen to not like being lied to, and I don't like watching a friend of mine trap herself into a downward spiral of lies for the rest of her life. I've stated the reasons for why I think these lies exist- I'm not going to retype it all because you can't read previous posts. In a nutshell- she lied to get attention she wasn't getting at home, then just never stopped lying. I'm trying to f*#king show her it needs to stop; she's gotten in way too deep, and it's gotten out of control.

She's hiding from responsibility and consequences by hiding behind names and lies, and it's not right. So yeah, I happen to care about that. She gets away with murder and never takes responsibility for anything she does, she just hides behind her lies and fake personalities. It's time for her to face life and deal with it without lying and without escaping consequences. She uses them as excuses for everything, and it's got to stop.

I don't know how you're ok with people living lies, but I don't like seeing someone who used to be a fairly good(ish) person and my friend trap themselves into living a lie for the rest of their life. I don't like watching someone ruin their lives by continuing to lie and hold up lies they don't have to f*#king stick to. If she comes clean, she can be free of everything and stop hurting herself and people she says she cares about. I don't know when lying and living lies became "ok", as you've stated. Maybe it's now old fashioned, but usually lying is considered a "wrong" thing to do, and people usually are hurt, angered, and feel betrayed when they're lied to.

and yet the weird part is that what you're doing is triggering people to live lies, you're not accepting the way they are.

"They" do not exist, it is not the way "they" are, that is the lie. I'm trying to help her come clean and live truthfully. If Cassandra would at least admit it's a lie and not parade it around or try to live up to it all the time, I probably wouldn't have as much of a problem with it. But when she lies to her friends, tries to lie to me, lies to her boyfriend, and starts lying to her family, that's where I begin to have a bit of a problem with it. If she didn't hide from all possible responsibility and consequences behind her lies, then I might not have as much of a problem with it. But she's gone too far with her lies and they need to stop.

tomboy24 wrote:I'm a friend of Cassandra's "on the outside", I guess is how you'd put it. You know, a real person? I found her account sh*t one day, so I've been sorta hacking into her account to post on here.

Hi there! So you are a friend of Cassandra from the outside? Got it. And you are certainly a real person! How long you've known each other and how long you've been around?

tomboy24 wrote: They don't cause anything like panic- I just don't like lies, lying, liars, etc. Especially when people lie to friends and people they say they care about. Not cool

Okay. We all have our sensitive spots in us. I tend to get winded up if I face violence towards innocent people/parts. T_T I don't know if this is similar case with you, correct me if I'm wrong. So you could say that lying is certain type of "trigger" for you? You just can't help yourself and you just gotta do what you gotta do, so to speak?

tomboy24 wrote: I never said I wasn't trying to protect Cassandra. I'm trying to protect her from herself and the downward spiral she's on with her lies and bullsh*t. I just said I wasn't trying to protect those fake "personalities", I'm not trying to protect her lies.

She's been lying to me after she supposedly "came clean" about everything. So yeah, I'm a little mad. I see I was right about her coming crying apologies, though. I know her lies are pretty f*#king reflexive by now, so who knows, maybe she does just need some time like she says. I won't be holding my breath though, that's for sure.

She knows how I feel. We've...talked, I guess you could say (they usually turn into yelling matches, but we get our points across)

I know these lies aren't true, but since you asked...
If the lies were true (I'm not saying they are, 'cause they aren't), then I'd probably start wondering how this came about because she hasn't gone through any real trauma to cause this, you know? She hasn't been through anything that would make this real, if that makes sense. I'd also start wondering how she can seem to be perfectly normal in certain situations, and then seem to be, "multiple" or whatever, in other situations (usually, it seems, by choice). I'd also wonder why she her psychologist or whoever doubted, and at first didn't put down, DID when she was evaluated for diagnosis. He even ended up just putting "possible DID" because she threw a little tantrum for him catching her in her lie

Yup, pardon me for getting that wrong. ^^; But still I stay behind my words that you are doing h*ck of a job at there! It's sad that you're being pushed aside so violently but I can also see the reason behind that... Just as Cassandra has hurted you, You have hurted Cassandra. You two have so different points of view in life so it's inevitable that you get these clashes together. And as long as you are going hold your way of thinking, so is Cassandra. It's just not gonna stop. I can assure you this. It won't stop until you two start to understand each other instead of silencing and fighting.

I know I probably sound mad as h*ll but could you consider this thought? As you have seen in the past before, Cassandra has "come clean" multiple times and yet she has carried on with her own way of thinking. It just won't work. For neither of you. You have to figure out new ways to deal with the issue in hands. I certainly don't want either of you dropping your way of thinking (that would be just cruel) but to respect the way you both are thinking and feeling. I know lying is a big d*mn "trigger" (so to speak) for you but can you at least try to think of doing things differently? As long as you feel comfortable of doing so, can you try to have different approach with Cassandra? And the same goes for her. Could she try a different approach?

People don't usually remember their trauma, especially when it comes to childhood trauma or so. So even if Cassandra remembers and you don't, it doesn't mean that something didn't happen. Just because you can't remember, it doesn't mean that Cassandra doesn't. She is a different person than you and she feels things and experiences things from her own point of view. But the same goes for you. You experience everything and feel things from your own point of view. You two have experienced your life differently but it doesn't mean, that either of you is wrong. You are both right. You are both RIGHT. Even if you remember things differently, it doesn't mean that Cassandra is wrong or that you are wrong. You just have experienced it differently. And it would be so amazing, if you both would show respect towards each other's way of experiencing things.

Here are my thoughts. I hope I can awoke some thoughts in you and that I didn't hit any nerve. I appreciate you having time to reply to my posts in such a great detail! ^_^