Done living this lie

I don't think you're lying, I KNOW YOU'RE LYING! And you ARE lying! Even now! "Don't know who I am"?? Really?? Who the f*#k are you trying to kid?! It's just lies after lies with you!! I thought you knew better than to try and keep feeding me your lies because I see through all your bullsh*t, but I guess not! Are you stupid as well as a liar? Seriously. I won't take much more of your lying bullsh*t so you better decide real f*#king quick if you're going to come clean, or if you're going to drown alone in your lies, because you chased everyone away with this bullsh*t, including me.

Do you need some more f*#king enlightenment or what? 'Cause I can certainly help you with that.

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:03 pm --

It's YOU who needs the f*#king enlightenment, not me. And I know what that different font color means, you're still trying to live this lie, STOP IT. I already told you, I see through all of your bullsh*t. That includes when you try miserably to be "sneaky" by not signing those stupid fake names at the bottom of your posts.

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:04 pm --

Oh yeah? Well look at this now, this is starting to look pretty f*#king familiar, don't you think? We're posting back and forth on the same f*#king account again. Would you like to look down again like last time? 'Cause that was pretty fun.

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:05 pm --

STOP LIVING THIS LIE. You're still trying to live it, even now, even with me, even though I KNOW YOU'RE LYING. This is f*#king ridiculous and I'm not going to take much more of it.

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:07 pm --

Yeah? And just what the f*#k are you going to do about it? Walk away? Never contact me again? Oh heaven forbid, whatever shall I do? You'll be soo missed.

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:10 pm --

Yeah go ahead and act like a tough b*tch all you want, but when you're truly left all alone to drown in your lies, you'll regret this.

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:11 pm --

Well, we won't know that for sure until it f*#king happens, right?

You act like a b*tch now, but I know you. When you're done playing this little f*#king game of your's, you'll supposedly feel all horrible, and you'll blame some fake other personality, and you'll come crying apologies and begging forgiveness just like you've done with every single boyfriend and many of your friends. So don't f*#k with me, because I will walk, and then you'll be left to cry like the pathetic liar you are all alone.

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:14 pm --

If I'm so f*#king pathetic, and such a liar, and all these other sh*tty things, then why the f*#k are you sticking around in the first f*#king place? That's what I wanna know.

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:18 pm --

Because you used to not be so bad! I've watched you go down this h3llish spiral of lies and manipulation and becoming more and more of a horrible f*#king person. I'm trying to f*#king help you wake up and save what you have left of your f*#king life! I'm trying to stop you from getting so far in over your head, you can't get back out! I'm trying to stop you from living these LIES your entire life because you've made yourself believe them! But I can only take so much bullsh*t. You're like that drug addict friend that people have that they try to help, but they can only put up with their lies and relapses for so f*#king long. I'm not going to sit here and watch you be swallowed up in your lies, and I'm not going to go through any more of your f*#king drama or bullsh*t. I have a f*#king limit just like everyone else. And when you reach it, you'll never f*#king see me again.

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:19 pm --

Good! Maybe I didn't want you here anyf*#kingway!

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:20 pm --

Hah! Heard that song before. You can't bullsh*t me, so STOP TRYING. Like I f*#king said, I know you. After you're done playing pretend and being a tough b*tch, you'll come crying apologies and sh*t. Only this time, I'm not f*#king accepting them, so watch your f*#king step.

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:22 pm --

But why would I lie..? Why would I keep this up this long?

Because you wanted f*#king attention, duh. You weren't getting any at home, you weren't anything special like a star athlete, you certainly weren't the prettiest girl around- no offense, sh*t like that. You wanted to be special, you wanted that spotlight, you wanted to have attention. Everyone does. The only f*#king difference is that you lied to get it. And when you saw that it worked, you never stopped lying. H3ll, you've made yourself believe it so that you can live the lie even better! You've "fixed" yourself to "fit" this disorder, you've made yourself believe that things like memories need explaining when they don't! You want explanations? You cheated on your boyfriends because you're a cheater. You lie to people for attention and to get what you want- you're manipulative. You're selfish and only truly care about what you want but you act like you care about other people so that it won't be obvious to them that you are selfish. You wanted to be the victim and you made your life out to be worse than it actually f*#king was. You wanted people to feel bad for you, to give you attention, to give you chance after chance because you had a disorder. You didn't want to have any responsibility, so you hide behind fake personalities and blame them for wrongdoings so you won't reap the consequences. You do this all for your benefit, to get what you want, to get attention, and to not feel bad about using people. And it's worked so why should you stop? Well I'm here to f*#king tell you- you've gone too f*#king far. It's time to stop, it's time to accept the cold hard truths of yourself, and it's time to stop living these lies.

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:31 pm --

But...the voices. The switches. All the differences and such... how do you explain that?

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:36 pm --

Hah, "voices". Your f*#king "voices" were nothing more than yourself. You had a lot of inner conflicts, like normal people do, only you decided to turn your id, ego, and superego into fake personalities. You turned normal, conscience-like voices into something they never were! And the switches? Please. You really do need to be an actress, seriously. You're aware of all that you do, you KNOW what you do, and you KNOW you can pull it off! The first time you were so jittery, so nervous, but once you saw you could be convincing, that was it. You knew you could pull it off. Didn't fool your psychiatrist or whoever it was that diagnosed you, though. He saw right through your bullsh*t, just like I do. And the differences? Well, how else were you going to make in convincing? You had to make them different- that's why you started bringing boys into the mix! You think up these things, create these personalities, and then add them to your already-existing lies to make it seem even more real! Half the time you believe it yourself! But it's got to STOP. This whole making an alter Autistic thing is going way too f*#king far, and anyone who can't see through that f*#king lie is blinder than a bat. I know you crave attention, but seriously, it's time to STOP THESE LIES.

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:39 pm --

So...that's it then? It's all...just in my head? I just made everything up to get attention..? And to not get in trouble with people...?

What do you mean, "that's it"? Do you realize what you've gotten away with?? People are putty in your hands! You can commit murder and get away with it! You came up with the most brilliant, and horrible, scheme ever! You found something that was fake-able, you made it work for you, and you exploited the sh*t out of it. You can use people and suck them dry and they won't blame you or anything! You've left a trail of broken hearts in your wake and yet most of them would still come back to you if you so much as gave them a hint that you wanted them to! You have so much power over people! But your skills can be used for much better things than all this bullsh*t. It's time to stop living these lies and start actually f*#king living.

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:45 pm --

So...if I stopped...if I stopped pretending...but I don't even realize I'm pretending...

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:48 pm --

Not anymore you don't. You really think after pulling off this lie for years and having to live it that it wouldn't become reflexive? Even subconscious after all this time? Seriously. I never said it'd be easy to stop living these lies. Especially after you've managed to convince yourself that they're true so you wouldn't feel so bad about faking and lying. (Brilliant tactic, by the way). But it is time to stop lying to yourself and everyone around you.

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:50 pm --

...great. I'm an intelligent liar and a horrible person....

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:51 pm --

You would've made a great evil mastermind. But you can be better than that if you actually f*#king tried.

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:53 pm --

I mean, why do you think that you're able to pull off being normal so easily to people like your family? Or when you "need" to? Because YOU ARE NORMAL. You just lie when it suits you. But you've gone way too far now. It's time to stop.

I don't think I'm that normal if I've convinced myself of my own lies....

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:56 pm --

Maybe not "normal". I mean, you are pretty f*#ked up in some respects, but then again, everyone is in their own way.

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:59 pm --

so....that's it then....? what if....I hate who I am...if that's the truth...?

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 10:00 pm --

I wouldn't be surprised, honestly. You really did go too far. But you're not unsaveable. You can still come clean. You can still get out of this mess. You can still choose to not live these lies anymore.

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 10:02 pm --

....yeah....like anything I could do would make up for all of this....

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 10:02 pm --

I never said you'd right all your wrongs. But at least you can stop making new wrongs and start living a clean life while you still can. Leave these lies behind and start fresh.

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 10:04 pm --

.......ok...........

-- Tue Oct 09, 2012 10:04 pm --

Ok? Ok, what?

I didn't expect you to make a whole new post, but thank you for finally coming clean and everything.

F*#KING LIAR! You LIED AGAIN! To ME, even! You came clean and then went back on everything, went back to living your f*#king lies!! I will NEVER forget this, and I will NEVER forgive you! How dare you come clean and then turn right around and start living your lies again! How dare you lie to ME! It seems you've been working on it- usually I can see through your bullsh*t, but this time you must've piled it so high, NO ONE can see through it. You are a f*#king HORRIBLE person and I HATE you! I hate you and your f*#king lies!! You'll pay for lying to me. You will.

Hi there.

Things have certainly heated up quickly with you. =/ It's sad to see you fight and hate each other so much...

This is for the part with pinkish red text:
I'm sure that you have done enormous job at protecting each part in the system (even if you say that those do not exist) and when I read you writings, I'd like to ask are you scared? What would happen if you all would NOT come clean? Would something terrible happen to you or to other parts (even if you dont think they exist)? You sound so similar to one of our parts...you use similar words and similar ways to explain things from your perspective.

I don't hate you. You have done amazing job at protecting all of you. You certainly have the right to be angry if no one wants to understand you and tries to kick you out of the system! Are YOU being denied by others? Is all these things you say towards other parts something that was said to YOU? Are you the one that is carrying all those memories of having to deal with the traumas by FORGETTING them and explaining them AWAY?

This is for all of you:
Violence only creates violence. When one hits, the other one wants to take revenge on that. It makes a painful circle and it's very hard to break. You should try and stop hurting each other with words, try to break the circle and understand each other. Is there any possibility you can take a time out and take a deep breath? No more mental violence...just talk what ever you need to talk about.

No more shouting and hurting. Everyone should be heard.

That's cool that you don't hate me, BUT...
I am NOT trying to protect any "system", I am NOT "part" of Cassandra, I am NOT part of any of this! I'm posting here by hacking into her account because I see no point in making my own since all I want her to do is stop lying and stop living these lies! I HATE those lies, those "parts" that she says she has! I'd never do anything to try and protect her lies or whatthef*#kever.

If she doesn't come clean, she's going to be swallowed up by all these lies and be trapped by them forever. She's going to spend the rest of her life bound to lies, living lies, and having to "keep up" with these lies. I didn't want this for her and tried to help, but it's clear she doesn't f*#king care how she ends up. She can drown in her lies alone for all I care, now. What she's doing here is ending our friendship, or what little of it we had left thanks to all of her bullsh*t.

I know her life wasn't perfect, but it wasn't nearly as f*#king bad as she makes it out to be. She just does that to get people to feel sorry for her. She didn't have any real trauma, least not as much as she tries to say she's had to try and explain these lies. As for me, I haven't been through any "trauma", except maybe for all the bullsh*t she's put me through with her lies and drama and sh*t.


-- Sat Oct 13, 2012 9:35 am --

Adameil: We've tried talking. We've tried everything before I couldn't sit back and play nice anymore. So far, the only thing that seemed to work for a bit, but ended up not working as well, was the whole "look down", shock-thing that I did, showing them that their hands move as I type.

If they can hear us, they don't acknowledge us. And we can't hear them. Only Cassandra hears them. We only know stuff from what Cassandra tells us and what we read here when they post sh*t.

We're trying to understand them, but they won't budge. All they want is for us to stop lying, even though we're not. The only time they were "happy" was after Cassandra posted that "I'm done lying" thread and tried to shut us all away again. She almost f*#king did, too, but Shay wasn't about to stand for any of that, and she fought her way out and kept herself out until she felt that she had proved herself to Cassandra.

So, we're at a f*#king loss of what to do. Talking isn't working, fighting obviously isn't working, the only thing that "worked" was Cassandra trying to shut us away, but f*#k that sh*t. What else is there? 'Cause we have no f*#king clue.