Done living this lie

With all of this in mind, the question becomes not, “What’s on the other side of the closet door?” but “Can I continue to thrive on this side of the closet door?” If my shoes are too small, I cannot wear them. It doesn’t really matter whether I’ll like a larger pair or not, whether a larger pair will suit me or if all I can find are some embarrassing clunkers that go with nothing I own. I don’t have the option of wearing shoes my feet can’t fit into. Neither do I have the option of living in a way that has become too small for me.

Wow that is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing that (even if it wasn't for us). It helped me to read.

oaktree wrote:Ow, oops, missed that one in a previous post. Sorry. Yes, for DID there has to be trauma.

What would happen if it turns out it's indeed bad enough to be trauma? Or that you just don't know it all (yet)? (She might not have told everything.) Just a theoretical question.

No problem, it was probably before you joined this thread or something. Or with the- wow, 12 pages? we're up to, it could've easily been missed.

Hah! You just said "we're" m*therf*#ker!

What the f*#k- this bullsh*t again?! F*#k off!

No way. No Rain to save you now. Time to open your eyes. Remember what it was like to look down that first time? Wanna do it again?

F*#k. Off.

No. I'm not going anywhere. You have to deal with me, f*#ker.

F*#k that. I don't have to deal with anything I don't want to.

Oh yeah? Like to see you try and get rid of me. I'll even follow you around in here if I have to.

I'm not "in" anywhere. Now f*#k off before I make you f*#k off.

Big words. I'd like to see you try. How 'bout instead, we look down again? Wanna watch your hands type outside your control?

F*#k yo-

Enuff!!
I am done vwith this!
Jyou- come vwith me. I am putting a stop to this once und for all.
And jyou- do nyot follow us. Go back to jyour post or jyour room or somethink.

F*#k you, foreigner.

Kat, do nyot tangle vwith me. It vill nyot be pretty. Do vhatever jyou want- but do nyot follow us.

Fine. F*#k you, and f*#k you, and f*#k all this bullsh*t. I'm done dealing with this f*#king sh*t anyway.

Now, jyou- come vwith me.

Why should I? F*#k you!

Jyou vill come vwith me. Jyou can make it easy on everyone and choose to follow me, or jyou can make it hard on everyone includink jyouself and make me find a vay to make jyou follow me. And trrust me, I vill find a vay.

Just to get you to leave me the f*#k alone, let's get whatever this sh*t is over with.

@Cassandra:

We keep having the same arguments over and over again because Walk_Alone can't get past them.

Thank you for explaining to me. But I meant the post more to be for you, not Walk_Alone.

Me personally, when denial happens, I think I've gone crazy (usually schizophrenia). I get extremely disoriented. I panic a little. Until I realise how impossible all of that is and reason through it. And having that piece of paper helps me to come down from that a little bit easier. Because I can reason through it again in my head, but I've done it better before when I can think better and the paper is comforting because it means I don't have to think.

I'm sorry that I'm not able to help you out more.

michiru7422 wrote:@Cassandra:

Thank you for explaining to me. But I meant the post more to be for you, not Walk_Alone.

Me personally, when denial happens, I think I've gone crazy (usually schizophrenia). I get extremely disoriented. I panic a little. Until I realise how impossible all of that is and reason through it. And having that piece of paper helps me to come down from that a little bit easier. Because I can reason through it again in my head, but I've done it better before when I can think better and the paper is comforting because it means I don't have to think.

I'm sorry that I'm not able to help you out more.

Don't be sorry at all! You were able to help me, and it was all very much appreciated! I'm usually the opposite when denial happens. I don't think I've gone crazy, I just end up thinking I'm a horrible person who's lying and faking for attention or something like that... Although like Kat keeps saying to me, "If we were doing this for attention, we'd be milking it a lot more".


-Cassandra


(Thank you, SaltedLipstick, for your help and everything. Much appreciated).

*Trigger Warning: denial*

This isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real.

This isn't real.


What have you done to me??!!

You've drugged me, haven't you?! To hallucinate your so-called alters and make me think this is all real!! To have crazy @$$ hallucinations like being trapped in a body that's not mine and bullsh*t like that! F*#k you!! Why are you doing this to me???!! How dare you drag me in to your mind f*#kery!!! Stop it!!! Stop f*#king with my mind!!!!

You've drugged me. This will all pass. Just gotta wait it out is all. F*#k you. How could you do this to me??!!


This isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real.


THIS IS NOT REAL!

*Trigger Warning: denial*

My little brother is not an alter!! And even if he was, he wouldn't be your f*#king alter!! He has his own body!! He's my little brother, not a f*#king so-called alter!! He's real! All this bullsh*t is not!!

Why are you doing this to me??!! How can you do this to me???! Stop f*#king with my mind!!


This isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real.

tomboy24 wrote:*Trigger Warning: denial*

My little brother is not an alter!! And even if he was, he wouldn't be your f*#king alter!! He has his own body!! He's my little brother, not a f*#king so-called alter!! He's real! All this bullsh*t is not!!

Why are you doing this to me??!! How can you do this to me???! Stop f*#king with my mind!!


This isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real.

You can keep trying to tell yourself that, but something will come to jerk you out of your own (pitious?) lament eventually...
Night-Shade

*Trigger Warning: (dumb@$$) denial*

This isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real this isn't real this isn't real this isn't real...


What did you drug me with??! How long is it going to last???! What the f*#k did you do to me???!!! Stop f*#king with my head!!! How could you drug me??!! How could you make me hallucinate all this sh*t??!! Make it stop!! Why are you doing this to me???!!!

sissy...it's ok... what you said wasn't real is all real...

...
...
...
Oh no...

No no no no no no no no no no NO!

NO!

You're not real!!! You're not my little brother!!!! What the f*#k is all this sick sh*t??!! STOP IT!!! STOP F*#KING WITH MY HEAD!!!!!!

THIS IS NOT F*#KING REAL! IT IS NOT, IT IS NOT, IT IS NOT!!!! NONE OF IT IS!!!

And you! F*#king hallucination! Don't f*#king talk to me again!! F*#K OFF!!

THIS IS NOT REAL!!


This isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real...

-- Thu Feb 07, 2013 11:31 am --

Desiria wrote:You can keep trying to tell yourself that, but something will come to jerk you out of your own (pitious?) lament eventually...
Night-Shade

"Piteous lament??!!"


*Trigger Warning!: very angry response*
F*#K YOU AND F*#K OFF!!! I'M NOT ASKING FOR F*#KING PITY!! WHEN I AM, I'LL F*#KING LET YOU KNOW!!!



(G*dd@mmit, I hate f*#king playing referee and editor. By the way, I know their reply was confrontational, but please, if you're going to engage in a confrontation or wish to reply in a similar manner, PM us/them. -Ugh, now I get to play babysitter, too. Shay would like me to comment that she likes Night-Shade's name).

This is always hard. If we just believed this, we wouldn't be normal, would we? And that's the point of a DID system - to hide and to be normal. (I'm quoting Rain or the Hawk here, and I don't know who.)

But it doesn't just go away. No matter how much we want it to. (And I definitely want it to at times.) We can say, "It's not real," all we want to. Hell, we should, I think, because it's our right to express our opinion. You don't believe all of this yet. That's where you are right now, and that's okay.

But the truth is that it is real.

*Trigger Warning: (dumb@$$) denial (again)*


I don't want this to be real, it can't be real, it can't be. It isn't real. It can't be. No. No way.

My little brother is real!! Our bodies are real!! This isn't real!! Why won't the hallucinations go away???!! What have you drugged me with??!! What are you doing to me???!! Why are you doing this to me???!

This can't be real, this can't be real, this can't be real. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This isn't real...