Sometimes I feel really nuts.

Ok so the other day, Im not even sure if it was yesterday or when because I keep getting my days and nights confused, but I came out after Jack had been out and I felt nuts. I was sitting with My Wife when I came out and all of a sudden it was like I had been there already while it was really Jack. It was like I had been out as Jack knowing things that were said as jack and things that were done while he was out. I felt like I had been there. My Wife said that she had read of this happening before, but didnt remember what it was called, something like mirroring or co-conscience or something, but Im wondering if this happens to anyone? or if anyone knows what this is thats happened, because it made me feel a little insane. It definately scared the sh*t out of me. And it made me start to have an anxiety attack. I dont understand what happened at all.

We have recently re-split. I had done alot to get us what I experienced as being integrated. whether we were blended or integrated doesnt concern me now, but everyone came back when I split again. Upon this last split jack and blake were bigger parts of me, where as before everyone was equal, and I feel like they had things that were unfinished that needed to settled prior to integrating leading us to a split. Im letting each one settle things, and as they are they are starting to fade more, except for blake and jack. Ive made things more open now aswell, so that theres never a communication break down, so that I know where everyone is at all times, so that I know whats going on and being done at all times, so Im not sure if me being so open is causing this, whatever it is to happen or what.

advice please because I worry about whats happening.

Much Love
Chase

Calm down and breathe, hun. You have nothing to worry about. This is actually a very progressive step forward. Congratulations! ~Rain

Rain didn't want to write one of her novels like she usually does on here, but she's right. You have nothing to worry about. This is definitely a sign of either co-consciousness or a bit of blending. From the sounds of it, how it sounds familiar to us, and how my main circle and I are co-conscious, it sounds more like that than blending. So congrats! This is a happy step forward for you and your system!

I know every system's different, but for mine, this is how co-consciousness works (Lynn's the only exception, mainly due to the fact that she's 2 yrs old):

1) We're all in the same "room" (we have a type of "living room" in our internal world). We might not be in the same room at the same time, but we can all access that room and are able to meet up in that room whenever we want to/need to.

2) We are all aware of each other's presence. We know who's around, we know if anyone's missing, if we're not all in our separate "bedrooms" then we can hear/see everyone as they pass by, etc.

3) We are all able to "fill each other in" if we want to. We call it "linking up" or "sharing memories". If someone, like say Kat, was in control and at the "wheel" while I was in my internal "bedroom", once I re-take control I can find out what happened when Kat was in control as long as she lets me. She'll "stream" the memories to me so that I can "watch" them and know what happened, as if I had been there. (I hope that makes sense. Sometimes I think of us as laptops that can all hook together and share information ).

4) We are all able to at least know what's going on as long as we're not being blocked by whoever's in control. If we want to, while anyone of my main circle is in control, anyone else who's not in control can "look over their shoulder", in a sense. We can tune in to what's being said, what's being heard, what's being seen, etc. We're just not in control. It's like looking out of the car window while someone else drives. If we want to, we can also all "share the wheel". We can take turns "bumping" people out of the way when we want to be the "driver", or we sometimes even have everyone's hands on the "steering wheel" at the same time (highly unsafe in a car, mainly only confusing in a body/mind). It can be kinda funny when the "all hands on the wheel" thing happens, because sometimes I'll have my left hand doing something and I don't know why, while someone else is doing something with my right hand, and my legs are in someone else's control as well, then I get left to be the one in charge of the embarrassing smile if I'm seen by another person. Although it does come in handy when we all want to play board games together.

I can probably ramble on, but I think you've got the idea.

Anyway, short story long, yes, this does happen to other people (at least, it happens to me), and you're not alone in this experience. And yes, it definitely sounds like a form co-consciousness. And yes, it can definitely make someone feel extremely nuts when it first starts to happen. I think anything about DID can make people feel nuts sometimes. I try to look at it this way, especially now that I've found this site: I'm not going to worry about it until I know that I need to. Kinda like "innocent until proven guilty", except it's more like "not worrisome until proven otherwise".

In the words of my boyfriend, our groups of friends, and myself...

Normality is over-rated... I'd rather be nuts than be boring xD

Ok from the way you describe it, it sounds like co-conscienceness and co-ing are the same thing? For me co-ing with an alter, instead of a "wheel" we have a chair that we sit in in our "out room" and if we co then were both sitting in the chair in the outroom. But that is completely different than what Ive felt. Im not sitting with him at all, coming into the room randomly to see whats happening, yes. but this was like I switched, jack got up and i sat down and I was there but then I was blasted with everyhting jack had done and said, to me it was like I switched but really I had been just sitting there as Jack and then switched to me Chase, but felt as tho I was just there as jack, if that makes any sense. then I was left with feeling like WHAT THE F*CK JUST HAPPENED?? type of feeling. It definatly wasnt co-ing, unless its more of a subconscience thing thats happening. But Im also wondering if sense we are being so open now that maybe im getting memories and everything soon as we switch now? I dont know but it freaked me out. I havent been use to that. So Im wondering what happened and what is it called.

Thanks for the replies
Much Love to all
Chase

Chasenawaythepain wrote:Ok from the way you describe it, it sounds like co-conscienceness and co-ing are the same thing? For me co-ing with an alter, instead of a "wheel" we have a chair that we sit in in our "out room" and if we co then were both sitting in the chair in the outroom.

Yes, "co-ing" is the same as co-consciousness. (I answered that in the other thread, but figured I'd do it here anyway).

Chasenawaythepain wrote:But that is completely different than what Ive felt. Im not sitting with him at all, coming into the room randomly to see whats happening, yes. but this was like I switched, jack got up and i sat down and I was there but then I was blasted with everyhting jack had done and said, to me it was like I switched but really I had been just sitting there as Jack and then switched to me Chase, but felt as tho I was just there as jack, if that makes any sense. then I was left with feeling like WHAT THE F*CK JUST HAPPENED?? type of feeling.

This is pretty much what happens to us when we do what we call "linking up" or "sharing memories". If someone has been out in control, and I/someone else come to take over control, we are able to "link up" in a way and "share memories" of what just happened. Let me try to explain better...

So, let's say (for me) that Kat was out in control for a time, and I was in my "internal bedroom" (I'm still a part of the main consciousness, but I'm not paying attention to what's going on at all. I'm in my "bedroom" inside my mind). When I come to take control back, if I want to know what happened while Kat was out in control, and if she lets me know, then we are able to "share memories". Before I fully take back control, while we are both standing in the "control room" (so, what would be your "out room"), we both close our eyes, and Kat will "send" her memories of her time being out in control to me. Everything that happened while Kat was out in control will "play" through my mind; I'll hear what she said, see what she did, everything, as if I was out in control instead of her. After it's finished, both her and I now have the same memories as if we were both there when really, it was only Kat. We call it "linking up", because it's kinda like when you transfer information from computer to computer. At least, that's what it made us think of.
Sometimes it's like a smooth video of memories that I watch, other times I get blasted with image flashes and raw emotion waves. It depends on a lot of things; what happened while they were out, how they felt, what they did, how control was taken away (forced or not), etc. It definitely sounds similar to what you're describing.

So, yeah, anyway, I think you're "sharing memories" just before you switch, causing you to feel like you were there when you weren't. It's closer to co-consciousness, but it's not the same thing.

Me and Kathryn always have a sit-rep, which oddly feels like a real sit-rep meeting but takes all of 2 seconds, the problem is during that 2 seconds I'm doing this or sometimes even so usually people are like "are you ok?" and if it wasn't for the sit-rep I'd probably just go right to and leave it at that.
LOL, you had to lookup sit-rep??! OMG It's Situational Report in case anyone else doesn't know

-- Wed Sep 05, 2012 10:21 am --

I worry sometimes about your overall ability to creep me out

-- Wed Sep 05, 2012 10:21 am --

Creepin