Boundaries with a T

I have a good T. I'd like to preface by saying that. But today she did something that absolutely shocked me, and I'm not sure if I'm being overly sensitive (which I am very often), or if she was out of line.

Necessary background: I have a little who is very, very afraid of people walking behind us. The T knows this.

Today we took a walk because we were having a light session after a very intense one in which almost everyone had been talking, screaming and generally making a lot of noise. We were walking by the lake near my T's office talking about the little I mentioned above. He had a pretty random freak out last week and I don't have any idea what triggered it, so we were discussing it. Then the T started stopping and pretending like she was trying to get behind us. My little was absolutely horrified. The T said, "Just joking!" After a few seconds later she added, "I would never hurt you" which makes me think that she may have realized that wasn't a good road to go down. Is this something I should let slide, or should I approach her and tell her how frightened she made my little?

A perspective outside of my head just seems like a good plan right now.

I would tell her, yes. She sounds like a kind person and I imagine she would want to know about this so she can avoid a future repetition. Also, it's further clarification about one of you.

I would definitely let her know. Just seems a bit insensitive on her part. (that is, if she realized what she was doing b4 doing it)

I would definitely tell her, because:

1. She seems to immediately have become aware that it may have been a problem and attempted to reassure you. That makes her seem safe and kind and lovely and even those sort of people make mistakes. If she is safe, than you can expect a safe response, probably something along the lines of acknowledging it was a mistake, apologizing for being dense. Ts are trained to keep their own feelings out of the room, so a good one will know how to and welcome engaging how you feel about them and their actions.

2. It sounded to me (maybe off-base, but what I was imagining in my head), that she was trying to be playful with/about that part, and although it was incredibly insensitive, maybe it was just a really bad idea about a way to try to engage? I don't know, it could be wrong, but my T has blown it in such ways before and eventually someone lets him in on it (though, usually OO or CT or someone who isn't scared that having feelings or boundaries will threaten the relationship or our safety).

3. Having an appropriate, careful response to the rupture could actually build a sense of safety between T and that part or at least T and you for the future. It's always scary to have these conversations, but each time I have and T has come through still being the safe, gentle, caring guy he is, trust is built inside and the image of him as different from our past experiences becomes more real, more solid in a way, more internalized, more automatic. When trust has been badly damaged, it may take a LOT of these sort of experiences to build a sense of safety, but it does happen over time, in my experience.

Thank you all.

I think I will talk to my T next week.

Maybe she was trying to expose that little part of you to the feeling of a safe person walking behind them, kind of like exposure therapy but even if that's the case she should have asked permission. I feel you're right to feel like a boundary has been crossed and if it makes you feel better to discuss it then I think you should

I don't see how you can get around telling her. She was playful, but could have cause you harm - or herself for that matter.

I wouldn't be able to move forward. Just sayin.

Best

She may have crossed the line by doing that. But I also believe that she may have done that only to help the little one you have who has that fear try and over come it little by little. Such as having a "safe" person walking behind you.

It's an everyday thing. You are going to in an area where there are a lot of people, and a lot of them will be behind you. I can understand that it can be unearthing having somebody behind (I feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable when I have somebody over my shoulder to the point of hyperventilating). So I can understand why it would be uncomfortable for the little.

I doe believe that you should talk to your T about it. Even if it may seem like a little thing for most people, it is a big thing for your little and it can damage the trust you, them, and your other alters may have for your T. And I can tell you this, if you don't have trust with a T, then there really is no point in going to them. Having somebody help you heal means that you have to be able to trust them. And if that trust isn't there, the healing process may become even more difficult or worse, non-existent.