Fascinating internal conversation

Well, I say 'internal', it was actually writing. I've been feeling a lot of sadness, anxiety and just generally unsettled feelings from child 'parts' for the last few days. I really haven't got a handle on the 'littles' yet; who they are, how many, what ages or anything. There are only one or two I'm sure of, but it feels as though there are a lot more. Anyway, while I was writing the other day I got into conversation with a 'part' and it was fascinating to me. I wondered if anyone else had a 'part' like this:

I have two 'characters' in my head I've known about since childhood and recently wondered if they could be 'alters'. One of them I've recently had a fair amount of proof is an alter, the other one I wasn't sure about. She looks like me, but she has a completely different name, life history, etc. She's always been my 'safe place', ie. I could imagine I was her, go to the place she lives in my head and feel safe there. But she also cares for other traumatised children in this 'safe place'. When I imagine her or try to make up stories about her, I can only get so far. I only have a certain amount of influence over what she does in the story, she's very autonomous. After a certain point, I just lose my grip on the story. Anyway, as I was writing in my diary, she started to reply and gave me her name (we'll call her 'S'). I kept asking her, 'Really S? My S?' because I couldn't believe it at first, but she kept saying yes. When I asked her about who the emotions were coming from, she said I was feeling them through her. She said the little ones are kept very separate from me, but they come to her when they are really struggling and sometimes I can feel their emotions because she can feel them, and she and I are pretty close. I asked who she is and she said 'You. Your compassion.' It was pretty cool. So, I'm not sure what you'd call her, but has anyone else got a 'part' like this?

Whoa, cool. I am glad she shared this with you. I used to have "characters" as well that I would use to escape. I am not sure if any of them are alters, but my alters certainly resemble the common traits/themes in my previous characters!

I think it is relatively safe to call her an alter at this point. Perhaps an Innkeeper? Bunny, our Innkeeper takes care of the little and helps adjust new alters before I meet them. I still feel their emotions at times, but he is very good at his job.

Wow, she likes that! Innkeeper. It's nice, kind of old-fashioned. It fits well with her character. Thanks

That's way neat. Congrats on your discovery, that's great

- Nin

lifelongthing wrote:That's way neat. Congrats on your discovery, that's great

- Nin

Thanks! You know what else is great about this is it takes a load off my mind. I have been feeling really guilty because I know there are all these child parts which are struggling and feeling awful, and I'm too cowardly to deal with them so I keep pushing them away. I've felt bad for not being strong enough to take care of them, when I'm an adult and they're children. But S is taking care of them, and she's me! So I don't have to beat myself up about this anymore.

Congrats on your discovery! And on your realization that you ARE taking care of your child parts!

Almost all my parts "came forward" to me in ways similar to this, either through writing/typing or self-talk. So you're definitely not alone in experiencing this.

As for "Inkeeper" roles, I guess Rain would fit that the best for me. She looks after Lynn all the time, Cassie most of the time, and Ray some of the time. (Unless she's got her own issues, which is rare but still happens). And she's definitely a lot more compassionate, motherly, and patient than I am!