Aggression on the loose! O_O (might trigger)

I'm heading towards breakdown so pleaaaseee! Help me.

I just got a text message from my sister that a-dad has been sent to hospital due to heart problems and they're trying to get the rhytmn back in control.

I KNOW that I will be the one to blame. That my aparents will sent me messages and try to guilt trip me with this!!! I KNOW IT!!! If it's not straigth forward then it's put in-between the lines!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so tired that I can't SURVIVE another fight with them... I already told my care coordinator that I'm in a brink of a breakdown if I have to fight more.

I don't want to be guilt tripped. As much as I care: I hope THAT THAT MONSTERS DIES!!!! If I want to be honest to myself, I'd tell my sister that. I could tell it right now!!!!!! But I can't deal with the fight right now... I don't f***ing care if both of my aparents die and accuse me of that... They caused it themselves!!! They and their stupid health I WAS put to take care of!!!!!!! They're f'**ing "adults" so they have to deal with that THEMSELVES!!!!!!!

I'm so close to just breaking down and crying uncontrollably... I just want to be left alone with my own life and my own peace... Those b***rds can take care of their problems. And THEIR problems are not MINE to deal with!!!!!!!!

I think the most practical thing you could do in this situation to help yourself is to turn your phone off. That way when you turn it back on and see the messages from your a-parents, you can just delete them without reading them. You don't have to fight with them and you don't have to talk to them. You are well within your rights to not speak to them if you don't wish to. It is certainly not your fault that you a-dad is in hospital and any guilt and blame should definitely not be put on you for this.

Please stay strong and do the best thing for yourself during this time. It is ok if you just switch your phone off until a time when you feel more prepared to deal with whatever they have sent you, maybe deleting it without reading if that will help you to feel more relaxed.

I think that slowing down people's correspondence with you in that way can help a lot to feel calmer. And also remembering that you should try not to respond immediately to such correspondence so that you have time to think about your own response and to do whatever is best for yourself.

I agree with Salted Lipstick 100%. You are in control. You don't have to talk to them. They are adults, they are responsible for their own problems. You are not responsible, and have absolutely zero obligation to respond to them. You have the right to protect yourself from them. I'd suggest turning the phone off, and hiding it from yourself. I have had to do that before.

Thanks for the replies guys!

We're really balancing on a thinnest rope ever with our mental and physical health. I've started to get flu symptoms and I can sleep for 12 hours and take multiple naps in the day without it affecting my night sleep! So yeah...I'm really on a fine line with my health and endurance.

We're trying to push it all away from us...push all the guilt and blame from our mind towards the people who SHOULD carry it. There's plenty of anger too. Anger that wants us to be honest to ourselves, honest to our emotions and feelings. That we DON'T care the slightest if our aparents die - actually it would be the great news! It would be so comforting to know that they're dead and not hurting us or anyone else anymore! So that's the truth. We don't care. We just hate them. We won't be playing the 'caring-abused-daughter' anymore. We're f**ing pissed off to them and they should die. We have ZERO symphaties towards our abusers and towards anyone who helped them hide it.

I have my right to be happy to hear news like this. I have my right to jump in joy when they get hurt!!! I have my right to feel angry and to protect myself and to REFUSE the act of 'caring-abused-daugher.' I HAVE MY RIGHT TO FEEL HAPPY NOW!!!!!!!!! And feeling happy that our abusers are being hurt doesn't make us evil!!!!!!!!!!!

F**K THEM. F**K THEM SO MUCH!!!! Let them suffer until they die...

Keep looking after yourself with your sleep and eating. It really does take it out of you physically to be having so much going on mentally...

I can very much relate to the feeling that it would be a relief it parents/abusers were to die... I hope you cope ok through this time, regardless of what ends up happening with your a-parents. I think it is really good that you can feel free to get all the feelings out and heard here...