Troublesome Alters

I have a Protector who is very mean and cruel and blind to the fact that my fiance is a wonderful, caring man. She always says mean things about him, he can never do right, and she puts him through hell.

How do I get her to stop?

Has your fiance tried talking to the Protector and getting to know her?

She may never "like" your fiance, but maybe some communication will help things cool down?

Is there any way that you can compromise on a specific time out for this alter? Time for herself, alone time. That way, she's not around your fiance and she can express herself more freely. Whether or not you can come up with a compromise, try giving her a journal, or a sketch pad, and let her write or draw her feelings and thoughts about your fiance and anything else out. Give her safe outlets for her emotions and opinions. Maybe have it to where she can only say sh*t about your fiance in her journal. And then have a time where she can share these thoughts/feelings with you. So that you know how she feels, she doesn't feel ignored, and it's at a time where the both of you can just talk and listen to each other. If you don't have good communication or contact, try writing letters to each other or somethin' like that. Along with the outlets, try having your fiance get to know and talk to this alter. He's got to understand that to her, he could be a complete stranger (I don't know how much she knows). She has no obligation to trust him, to like him, or to be around him. But at least she can act civil towards him. Your boyfriend needs to understand that the best he might get is both of them acting civil towards each other. And she needs to know that he knows that she doesn't have to trust him and stuff. Right, she can trust him and sh*t on her own time. You can even try taking this alter by surprise. Yeah, have your boyfriend not react to her. No matter how mean, or cruel, she gets, have him remain calm and not react to her. He should acknowledge her, but not react. And then have him ask questions to get to know her. Any questions. Simple ones like "what's your favorite color?". She could be taken aback by questions like that. It shows that he cares about her, but isn't trying to like, force her to be his fiance or anything, and consistent behavior like that might whittle away at her dislike of him. Especially if she's never been asked questions like that before, she'll be surprised, and might let herself take a step back to think about her answer, and that step back can be all that's needed to help cool her down. Maybe she and your boyfriend can find something to do that she enjoys, kinda like a "bonding experience" or whatever. We hope that you find something that helps, and that sh*t calms down for you soon. ~Luna ~LC