My Littles aren't talking...

I already had this all typed out, but when I went to hit the "submit" button, it said I was logged out and needed to log back in, so it was all lost. I apologize if this is a bit short or confusing now, because I don't know if I can type it all out, that well, again.

I've been getting concerned with my littles, Cassie and Lynn. For 3 days, Cassie has stopped talking, and Lynn hasn't talked since my boyfriend and I started moving around a week ago.

Lynn used to say simple words like "cup", but for about a week she hasn't said a single word. She's whimpered, pointed, fussed, and cried, but hasn't said anything. Since she's only 2, it's hard for her to communicate well non-verbally, so it's been difficult to figure out what she wants.

Cassie's usually quite a talker, but for about 3 days now she hasn't really been able to speak. And it doesn't seem to be her choice. When asked a question, she'll open her mouth and seem to try to say something, but no words come out. Sometimes she'll try to speak a couple more times, or she'll scrunch her face in what looks like frustration or anger, but she always ends up looking down at the ground and shying away. The same thing will happen when Cassie's trying to tell someone something, whether she's in our "mental world" or she's out in control. We've been relying on her non-verbal communications, guesses, and waiting to see if she'll "share" her thoughts with whoever's out in control so far to figure out what she's trying to say. However, when she's not prompted to talk and when no one's looking at her, if she says something that's a general comment like "I like this movie", then she speaks just fine. She also spoke just fine when Mike and I took her to the duck park yesterday. But when we got back home, she was unable to speak again, and hasn't spoken since.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? I don't know what I can do to help them... I don't know why they're not talking, and they don't seem to know either. Or at least if Cassie knows, she's not sharing it with me. I don't know if it's triggered by anything, or how to help them talk again, or anything like that. I know it could pass with time, so I'm going to keep a record of when they don't talk, if they talk, where they talk, how long they don't talk, etc. It's only worrying to me because like I said, Cassie's usually a bit of a talker, so her not talking for about 3 days is way out of the "norm" for her.

It sounds like selective mutism to me. I have some 'parts' which are always mute and some which can sometimes speak, sometimes not. Has Cassie ever stopped speaking before? I'm not sure what causes mutism in children, but probably stress/anxiety play a big part. The move has been stressful for all of you and Cassie sounds like she's missing your old home, from some of her posts. Hmm, just trying to think of something that might help. Has Cassie got a little safe corner she could go to in your new place? Somewhere that's just hers, with her toys and other things she feels safe with around? Maybe if she has the option to go there whenever she's feeling stressed it'll help her feel safer in her new surroundings. Lynn stopping speaking may be for similar reasons. She's very little, and children her age often 'regress' a bit when they're stressed. Once she can see that the older ones feel safe and settled in the new place, it might help her to feel more secure. Hope this helps. (Hugs to Cassie )

I agree with owleyes - I would read up on elective/selective mutism, if I were you:

Elective mutism was defined as a refusal to speak in almost all social situations (despite normal ability to do so), while selective mutism is considered to be a failure to speak in specific situations and is strongly associated with social anxiety disorder. In contrast to selective mutism, someone who is electively mute may not speak in any situation, as is usually shown in books and movies. Elective mutism is often attributed to defiance or the effect of trauma. - wikipedia

We as a system have been diagnosed with elective mutism since most our system is mute and almost the entire system is affected by periodical or situational mutism and from what you wrote you might benefit from reading a bit about it.

I also agree that Cassie has been posting about missing home and such, so that might create enough stress to give a physical response such as this. Have you tried having her write down or draw out how she is feeling/what she is trying or wanting to convey? Is she unable to communicate her thoughts in any way, or just by words?

I'm sorry to hear this and I hope you all feel better real soon. ((safe warm thoughts)) to Lynn and Cassie and you all, should you want them!

- Nin

Owleyes wrote:Has Cassie ever stopped speaking before?

No, she hasn't. Especially not for this long.

Owleyes wrote:Has Cassie got a little safe corner she could go to in your new place? Somewhere that's just hers, with her toys and other things she feels safe with around? Maybe if she has the option to go there whenever she's feeling stressed it'll help her feel safer in her new surroundings. Lynn stopping speaking may be for similar reasons. She's very little, and children her age often 'regress' a bit when they're stressed. Once she can see that the older ones feel safe and settled in the new place, it might help her to feel more secure. Hope this helps. (Hugs to Cassie )

The only place she has is our room, which is all ours during the day and then we share it with my boyfriend when he comes home (he works late shifts). She does have her stuffed animals, movies, and stuff that I keep out for her. Sometimes I help her set up her stuffed animals up around the bed. We've tried making our new room comfortable and familiar, but there's only so much we can unpack each day (we weren't completely unpacked at our last place either because there was no room, so it's not that different). All of us older ones are already starting to get settled in and have adapted rather well so far, but then again Lynn was often upset at the other place despite all of us being comfortable there. But thank you for your ideas and thoughtful reply. I'll try to perhaps set up a corner of our room that's all Cassie's, with stuff like her toys, books, games, etc. As for Lynn, I'll try to set up times where she can have some more time actually out to get used to the new stuff. And Cassie thanks you for the hugs, they're appreciated (she's too shy to reply herself).

lifelongthing wrote:Have you tried having her write down or draw out how she is feeling/what she is trying or wanting to convey? Is she unable to communicate her thoughts in any way, or just by words?

I'm sorry to hear this and I hope you all feel better real soon. ((safe warm thoughts)) to Lynn and Cassie and you all, should you want them!

- Nin

She's able to communicate, just not with words. I haven't tried asking her to write or draw anything, usually she starts doing it on her own if she wants/needs to. But I'll still give it a try, thanks for the idea. Thank you for the warm thoughts, they're appreciated.

UPDATE:

Thank you for suggesting the selective mutism! I did some research, and it does seem like a strong possibility that both my littles are experiencing this. I'll continue to keep records before I jump the gun for sure, though.

Yesterday, my boyfriend Mike and I went to Saturday Market and then OMSI with friends Marissa and Zack. Cassie got to be out for OMSI and loved it. She was talking perfectly fine and didn't have any problems. After we got back home, she continued talking just fine unless she was answering a question, then she seemed to struggle to finally get her answer out. About 2 hours after returning home, she stopped talking altogether once again, seeming to struggle to speak before getting frustrated and shying away. Today, she still hasn't spoken.

To help with Lynn, I asked Mike to help put her to sleep last night. (He basically becomes the babysitter and I'm able to let her fully come out). She still hasn't spoken since about a week ago, but I'm going to see if Mike is willing to help put her to sleep a few nights out of the week, and we'll see if that helps at all.