DID and IFS therapy

Hi. I've read here for a while but this is my first post. I wanted to know if anybody has any opinions on using Internal Family Systems therapy working with DID? My therapist has trained in IFS and has introduced it to me and wants us to try it. My thoughts so far:
1. Her comparing her parts to my parts seems a bit ridiculous given that she is not DID
2. She seems to label every single emotion as a seperate part which is confusing when most of my parts have a range of emotions themselves.
3. She has designated me as the 'self' which I don't really undrstand, but in doing so is making it appear that I am the most important and the other parts are mearly pieces of me. ??

The way I understood development is that everyone is born as parts and they come together thru healthy (nonabusive) childhoods. The personality isn't completely formed or whole until around preteen years. (something like that) So in DID, it's not that there is a core self that others split from, but that we were always split and never came together as most do with normal childhoods. So how could I be the core self? Not to mention that I've only been around since body age 15. I guess I just find it confusing so far and would like to know if anyone has worked with the model and if you liked it and how you got past all the confusion (if you had any...maybe it's just me)
thanks

I've never heard of IFS therapy, but I don't really understand the "self" issue either. If you want to say my "self", "I" don't come out but a couple times a month. If that. "I've" gone years without coming out. Now, ME, the one typing this, is out all the time, but I am an alter, because I know I split. I've been out most of the time, but so has Joan and Mouth. (I'm Jo.)

It's all really confusing to me too.

Well, welcome, first poster, and here's hoping you feel comfortable posting many more times.

Mark Twain wrote:To a man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

IFS the way it sounds she's using it with you is not going to work for you, in my opinion. If she were trained in that plus more directly relevant therapies for dissociative disorders, specifically DID, it might occasionally provide useful parallels or insights. But alone it could be as inappropriate as treating DID with years of psychoanalysis, or treating it primarily with medication. Wrong tools. Don't let her go having you look for a structure or termed parts that don't fit. I've read parts of Robert Schwartz's book and it was fascinating but I could not in any way relate my DID to his analysis. For the most part my alters are designed with full sets of regular emotions too.

I agree with John (@Johnny-Jack). My first therapist had some experience with the Internal Family Systems model, and also had some training and experience treating trauma, but lacked training and experience specific to DID. It was my experience that this therapist's attempts to apply IFS in my treatment were more harmful than helpful.

Although IFS is derived from work with clients with DID, that does not necessarily mean it should be applied to clients with DID.

Kate86 your post struck a chord with me.

One person I worked with mentioned that everyone had parts, then went on to list emotions. When I tried to explain that all my parts had all these emotions she didn't understand. That was bad enough.

Then another person mentioned that people have mother parts and child parts as well as themself. I refrained from telling her that I had "me" an adult of body age, plus a teenager and a child, because I didn't think she'd understand what I was talking about. I just insisted that there was none of that going on in my head and I was a whole entity.

When she started talking about the core inner child self I had a meltdown. To me core = original = most important = nobody else matters. No way could I work within those parameters.

I'd already nearly ended up dead after being told by someone else that I'd split up my thinking. That caused one alter to revert to being catatonic and the other one to nearly act on her suicidal urges since she thought she did not really exist anyway if she was just a split of my thinking.

Johnny Jack I like the hammer/nail quote. I feel that just about sums up my deteriorating relationship with the mental health workers. X

Thank you all for such thoughtful responses.

w4rp3dh4l0, yes, confusing is the word I'd use and have used as well.

Johnny-Jack, "IFS the way it sounds she's using it with you is not going to work for you", is exactly what i thought when she was explaining it and reading that little intro book about it. Perhaps I should buy the book and read it thru before next session so i can give her my opinions and objections, and see where that goes. She is so darned excited to have found this and she "just knows it will be helpful", I hate to disappoint her, but i can't make myself fit into some model when I don't fit.

Una+, you voice my concerns, in that I don't want her to try something that could be harmful. There's been enough of that.

Kerry H, the IFS self sounds like your core = original = most important = nobody else matters. And like you, there is no way I can work within those parameters. It's invalidating and most importantly it's incorrect.

I have gone to the IFS Website and posted a question on their blog about using it to work with DID. I'm not sure I'll get a response, but my t is so excited and positive about it I'd sure like to get someone in that IFS community relate that it's not, or might not, be appropriate. I like what you say Una, "Although IFS is derived from work with clients with DID, that does not necessarily mean it should be applied to clients with DID."

thanks again

Wait a minute... Has this therapist done any Internal Family Systems work herself as a client? Has she gone through any IFS therapy training program?

Una, yes. this therapist is excited bc she had done the year long training. she uses it with other clients, although I think I am her only DID client. She says other clients love it. And yes, she speaks about having done it herself...guessing while doing the training.

Okay, my opinions follow. I would exchange misdirected enthusiasm in a therapist for good old boring experience treating dissociation anyday. She is trying to fit all you round DID pegs into square IFS holes. I guess I already said that above.

The host is not the self, whatever the heck that means. To the extent that you or your therapist identify the host -- or any single alter -- as the genuine or real self, to that extent you are off track and insult, hurt, anger or alienate the other alters in your system. I would worry more about your well-being during this experiment but it's clear you've already identified what's just all wrong about that approach. It's not that IFS therapy doesn't have value for the right client or might not be interesting fodder for discussion. Everyone has aspects to their personality, but not aspects to each of several distinct personalities. That's the problem.

She has designated me as the 'self'

Yeah, she doesn't get it. This actually makes me angry because for every person with DID like you who can feel something is wrong and do something about it, there are a dozen more who have no alternative but to trust and go along with it, not getting better, quite possibly getting worse, as Una said.

Johnny-Jack, I actaully love what you said: "She is trying to fit all you round DID pegs into square IFS holes", because I think that is true.

I've been lucky in that I've had therapy with a DID specialist for a number of years. This one is not, obviously. Sadly, I had to move and couldn't bring my DID therapist with me; although, we tried our best. LOL Anyways, since I've had really good therapy with a very skilled and knowledgeable DID therapist, I know a bit about what works for us and what we need and what seems 'off'. I do give my therapist a bit of slack because she has been helpful and I know she doesn't have lots of experience with DID, but that means too that I have to stay on my toes and check things out and not just follow blindly. Thus, my coming here and posting. With all the answers inside and all the feelings of it being wrong, I still questioned myself which makes me frustrated bc it means I'm still not trusting myself.

and your last paragraph...i completely agree and its really sad and thats why i think ive been lucky that i had a good therapist early on. just wish everyone could be so lucky.