a little or a little too much imagination?

Thanks everyone who responded to my post previously, your encouragment is always nice. This is kind of branched off of the same thing but it's about another weird experience I had. I was talking to my sister in law about what happened to my brother and she was telling me how disgusted she was about the whole thing and why no one did anything about it to help my brother. In the midst of the conversation I began to not be able to feel my body at all and became really fearful and traumatized feeling. I felt paranoid like someone was going to hurt me and I couldn't trust anyone to make me feel better. This lasted for a long time and I tried deep breathing and nothing was working so I just starting crying. My sister in law asked me what was going on and I just told her I felt really scared and the only thing that made me feel better was to stroke the little bridge between my nose....she told me to do that if it made me feel better but I told her I thought it was silly. I did and and immediately I felt calm. I heard sobbing in my head and little sniffles and my whole body began to calm once I did this. I just began talking to myself while I was stroking my nose saying it was o.k and that I was safe and everything was going to be alright. My sister in law was looking at me somewhat strange maybe she was just worried IDK cause we're really close. I'm supposed to start EMDR next week and all this is just making me wonder if I'm ready. I know that I have dissociated parts but have had a hard time #1 believing I even have DDNOS or parts and #2 the communication between parts is almost non existent. I'm sort of of feeling in a mini crisis and feel very discouraged now I thought maybe my problem was simple and that it was maybe just some PTSD and that the EMDR would heal me...now I'm thinking that my problem must be much more complex. I feel so lost with no direction.

I would like to say that I love the title of this - it's very fitting. I had a similar question when my little showed up, and I used a much lamer title when I asked for thoughts. It was (fortunately) a much happier occasion, but that's how I felt too, to a degree. Small and different, and wanted the strangest things. And it lasted for hours until finally, I asked if we had a vhs player to watch Bambie and when they said no, I felt rejected and suddenly went back to normal. I was wondering about it for a week or so afterwards, calling out to see if anything answered. Finally, just when I was thinking about giving up, I got an answer.

This is not to say that you have one; I can't really answer that for you. But maybe sharing my story will help you find your own answer as well. Good luck.

While I obviously can't say for sure whether or not you have parts or DDNOS or anything, it certainly sounds very possible to me. It definitely seems like this was a "sighting" of a little, and not a little too much imagination. I used to have extremely similar experiences with Cassie before I was fully aware that she was "there"; and I had similar experiences again before I became aware of Lynn.

From reading other posts of your's and reading this one, I would say that DDNOS/DID is a very strong possibility with you, and that you probably have a little part in you that's still reacting to any childhood trauma you experienced. I know it's hard to accept, believe, or even think it's possible; denial is especially common in people who experience dissociation because the whole reason they're dissociating is to "stop" that trauma from happening by removing it from memory, hiding it, making excuses for it, etc. But you seem like you're trying to keep an open mind, that's good, don't lose that. It can be hard to keep an open mind, especially when you don't like what you hear. Try to keep in mind that anything is possible, and that being diagnosed isn't something to fear. It can help you help yourself and figure out pathways to heal.

Have you tried helping communication between your dissociated parts? Perhaps try talking to them or writing notes to them. Make sure you feel as safe, relaxed, and calm as possible before trying contact. Surround yourself with things that make you feel safe and comforted. You could even try asking about the possible little part that you noticed and see if anyone "answers". Let your parts know that it's safe, they're safe and can come forward, that you only want to get to know them better and help them. Sometimes communication can improve from nothing to something with encouragement and patience.

I'm sorry you're feeling discouraged. -hugs if needed- But when you think about it, this healing process wasn't going to be "simple" no matter what. PTSD, no matter how "little", is still quite the healing process and deals with a lot of the same symptoms and steps to healing as DDNOS/DID. Besides, wouldn't it be better to figure out the right treatment for you before you go into treatment for something else that's not working on the whole issue? It'll be better for you in the long run to figure out if you have DDNOS/DID now. I think you are ready to start therapy, because either way it will help you. Whether it helps you heal through therapy, or whether it helps you heal through bringing parts to your awareness, it'll be helpful to you.

I hope that therapy goes well for you, and I hope that things start becoming clearer for you and that you find a direction soon. -more hugs if wanted-