Is anyone like this in their DID?

Welcome Jessiesometimes!

Funny thing is, I thought I was forward during that time. Apparently not.

I've had that happen as well. I do remember a time when I struggled with gender identity as well as sexual preference and a male alter said that he was forward then. So...sometimes it seems like I get more questions than answers.

Stay strong with what you know, because as funny as it is, not matching "the norm" is pretty normal.

I love that.

Welcome jesssometimes! I'm glad that this thread has helped you. You're definitely not alone in staying conscious and aware during switches.

doe-eyed wrote:tomboy24 (Cassandra) I agree so much with your post, and many things you said resonated with my own experiences. Thank you.

You're welcome!

doe-eyed wrote:I also wonder if it's possible to be unaware of certain time losses? My system works pretty well together despite a few kinks, and I've recently been turned onto the fact that Lion has an ulterior agenda, so it doesn't seem impossible that switches would be arranged so that I didn't notice time loss. Furthermore, recently other people in my life have been talking about events that happened two years ago, and although I know these events happened, when I try to remember any details about them, I can't. Funny thing is, I thought I was forward during that time. Apparently not.

It's definitely possible. I don't know if I've had any time loss that I don't know about, but I know that my alters Rebel and Kyra are unaware of the time loss they've had. Rebel's memory stopped at the summer of 2009, and lately we've had to re-update her almost every time she comes out. She was completely unaware that any time had passed or that she hadn't been out, and had simply skipped over 2 years without knowing it (she started coming out in 2011). Kyra has her own reality that she lives inside my head somewhere, completely unaware of what's actually real and that she's not out in control. She also doesn't know she's an alter, and has been "living" her own reality since 9th grade.

I can completely understand thinking that you're the one who's in control and having memories, and then finding out later that you weren't the one up front. That happened with me and Kyra. I though I was up front for 8th grade and I remember 8th grade, but apparently it was Kyra who was up front in control and I was in the backseat. I don't know if there's memories that I don't know about, but I wouldn't be surprised if there was. I didn't even really realize that she was an alter back then, I just thought that Kyra was a cool nickname that I wanted to go by and stuff.

jesssometimes wrote:PS: After reading this topic, I decided to join the forum (:

Woot! So glad Welcome! I'm sure you'll find lots of support here, I certainly have. It also feels wonderful to occasionally be in a place to help someone feel better.

tomboy24 wrote:I can completely understand thinking that you're the one who's in control and having memories, and then finding out later that you weren't the one up front. That happened with me and Kyra. I though I was up front for 8th grade and I remember 8th grade, but apparently it was Kyra who was up front in control and I was in the backseat. I don't know if there's memories that I don't know about, but I wouldn't be surprised if there was. I didn't even really realize that she was an alter back then, I just thought that Kyra was a cool nickname that I wanted to go by and stuff.

Interesting. That sounds like what I went through.

doe-eyed wrote:Interesting. That sounds like what I went through.

Yeah, unlike my other alters, I didn't feel Kyra's presence when she was around in 8th grade because we were co-conscious, and instead of her "looking over" my shoulder, SHE was the one in control and I was "looking over" HER shoulder. Kyra was the main one in control, sharing it with another alter that I was aware of at the time, L.C., and then I was in the background with them, watching things and sometimes sharing the steering wheel. Kyra was a big reason for all the confusion I felt in 8th grade, and for a complete shift in personality. I went from being a social, tomboy-next-door type of kid to being an angry, anti-social, dark girl with a short temper. I was confused about why this type of change had happened, but now it all makes sense. I also realized that my 8th grade memories, aside from some emotional ones, were rather fuzzy, but my 6th and 7th grade memories were a lot more clear and I could recall more individual situations/days. Knowing now that I wasn't up front for 8th grade, it makes sense. All I knew at the time though was that I felt differently about things, I acted differently, I wanted to go by the cool nickname Kyra that I had supposedly "thought up", and that I felt lost as far as who I was and what kind of person I wanted to be/grow into.

Sorry if it seems like I'm stealing this thread. It was not my intention at all. For those who might be confused, the topic is still "Is anyone like this in their DID?" regarding not having time-loss between switches.