Loving alters

Okay so this is my first time here but for the past 4 years I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend who has DID. She is the main although not the original who has been MIA for the past six years. Recently the original felt safe enough to come out and I spent a lot of time trying to help her and making sure that she felt safe and secure. Now I love everybody within her body though differently for each, in more of a caring and nurturing way. But recently I think I may be starting to love the original the same way I do with my girlfriend. I feel utterly terrible about this and I'm really just at a loss, this complicates things so much and I'm afraid that the original will love me back. I can't risk hurting her feelings because both feel like they can't share the body enough to live lives and my girlfriend already has trouble sharing me with her other alters. Has anybody else ever had this problem? I'm so lost right now and I think I really need some advice

I don't have any advice, but hopefully some SOs with more hands on experience.

Anyway, in the meantime, I found these older threads that might help...
http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic86544.html#p765870http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic86875.html
http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic54544.html

And if it helps any, Love is something that grows the more you give(unlike food which can run out), love is limitless. Also, there are many types of love, and neither one excludes the other. You can love a child alter equally as a adult alter, it may be different but great nonetheless.

I'm sorry you're having this problem.

My personal experience is that we don't consider it to be a problem. I love everyone in the system. I don't think my relationship would work otherwise. I couldn't imagine not being allowed to love each of them. There is jealousy occasionally, of course, but it's something we work through as it comes.

I think that it would be so painful, because I would hurt so much if they found someone else. Otherwise, if you don't want them with anyone else and you will only be with one of them, you're forcing everyone else to remain alone forever. It makes me sad to think.

You might want to consider talking with your girlfriend about why she is jealous. Is she afraid you'll like them better? Are there other issues here to work out?

Kirsty82 wrote:Okay so this is my first time here but for the past 4 years I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend who has DID. She is the main although not the original who has been MIA for the past six years. Recently the original felt safe enough to come out and I spent a lot of time trying to help her and making sure that she felt safe and secure. Now I love everybody within her body though differently for each, in more of a caring and nurturing way. But recently I think I may be starting to love the original the same way I do with my girlfriend. I feel utterly terrible about this and I'm really just at a loss, this complicates things so much and I'm afraid that the original will love me back. I can't risk hurting her feelings because both feel like they can't share the body enough to live lives and my girlfriend already has trouble sharing me with her other alters. Has anybody else ever had this problem? I'm so lost right now and I think I really need some advice

As the others said, keep loving all the alters like you have.

I hope my experiences with my own SO can help you.

Of my SO's 9 or so alters I love all of them, but have a romantic relationship with 3. These relationships developed over time and only after communicating with my SO's host (Kitter). Communication is key! At one point I was also developing feelings for a fourth alter. I talked to Kitter about it and she didn't like the idea as this alter plays a motherly role in the system. Then I talked to the alter in question and we agreed to just be friends. Some alters may be off limits for a romantic relationship and you need to talk to your SO about it.

Trying to pursue romance with an alter without the blessing of her host could put stress on her system. May I suggest talking to both your SO's host and the alter in question about this? And I also suggest having them talk to each other about it if possible.