Hi from Sara - newly dx, lots of thoughts, glad to be here

Hi Sara,

I was on travel when you delurked here, so this is a belated welcome. Publications on the natural history of DID, by Richard Kluft and others, have established that there is a high frequency of DID among men in treatment for alcoholism, men in prison, and women in the sex trade. What he has not published, but I have noticed, is the high frequency of DID among psychotherapists. So you certainly are not alone. I hope you don't feel alone, and that you feel at home here.

Thank you, Una, for your welcome! For some reason, I haven't been getting notifications when people post on this thread, so I've only just come across yours. I don't feel alone when I'm here, and it's wonderful! And it's great to hear that you've noticed the high frequency of DID among psychotherapists. It would make perfect sense. One of the most amazing things about posting here has been hearing from other therapists - I feel even more "not alone" to be able to talk with people who have that shared experience - as well as appreciating the support from people with all kinds of different backgrounds.

Snakeskinsoul - thank you for your welcome too. And to you, Snufftherooster and Johnny-Jack - yes, it's incredible how we can manage not to see what's right in front of our eyes! I have worked as a therapist with clients who have DDNOS. My clinical consultant at the time was an expert in DID. He used to say that I had "an affinity with these people" - but never thought that I might be one of them! I'm sure he would have told me if he had - any responsible supervisor would. It must have been so well hidden back then.

I can't write about the people who come to me for therapy - but I wonder whether people with DDNOS or DID are finding their way to me again now, since I've discovered my own? and whether I missed it in people in the intervening years? I don't think so, looking back - but I know I could have done. Now,I'm starting to notice dissociation more and more - and if I meet someone new who I think might have DID or DDNOS, I send them to a colleague who does emdr. But when you've worked with someone twice-weekly for two or five or seven years, you can't refer them on, and I'm not sure whether you can work with dissociation without emdr, but I have to work without emdr, because I don't do it! But I do a form of ego-state therapy, and have seen some incredible results through it, which seem to happen quickly and relatively easily when it's the right time. It seems as though the years of therapy have gotten the conscious adult self to a good, strong, understanding place which means that working with other parts can happen much more easily - and you can do ego state therapy in the same way, whether the dissociated parts are ego states or alters or in between. I have to trust that the people whom I've been seeing for a while, and whom I have seen doing such good work during that time, have found their way to the right person - or at least, to someone with whom they could do that work. But I won't work with anyone new if I think they might have DID or DDNOS. I have colleagues who are great therapists and do emdr, and I'll send new people to them.

Although I can't write about people whom I see professionally, I think it's ok to say that it's amazing when you feel that you and they together have started to find the key to them, or one of the keys - when you wonder out loud about part of what your brain does when you're with them, and they start to talk about inner parts of themselves in a way that they never have before - it's like looking for a unifying theory for someone who's been like a butterfly that no-one's been able to quite "grasp", and if they do have DDNOS, that would be the unifying theory. At the same time, I'm not trying to impose a theory on the work - and don't ever want to suggest anything - it's important that people come to their own discoveries and conclusions!

Bourbon - yes, I have a very good therapist! People have asked if it's harder to be in therapy when it's my own profession, and it isn't - it just means that I can appreciate the other person's skill and amazing presence. When first met my current T, I noticed all the little things she did that told me how good she was - how she handled things, the words she used. Eg when I mentioned my "partner", she asked, "What's their name?", showing me that she wasn't making assumptions about their gender! What I didn't know was that my "others" were also checking her out They took a long time, but they could see that she could see them. She asked once if I knew how long after meeting me she knew that I had DID, and when I said I didn't, she told me it took about 20 minutes - she saw me switching right in front of her!

Thank you for reading - I know this is long. And thank you for all the support, here and in PMs.

Sara

Sara, have you found our thread about DID-dar (like radar and gaydar)? DID Forum: Do you have DID-dar?

For what it's worth, my T does EMDR but not with clients who have DID or DID-like DDNOS. Also, ISSTD guidelines advise caution in using EMDR with dissociative clients. EMDR can activate too much, too fast.

Hi Una+ - thank you for the reminder of the ISSTD guidelines! And I found the thread on DID-dar - thank you!

I'm sorry I called you "Una" in my last post - only just found out elsewhere that a name like "Sara&" can refer to a whole system - I guess Una+ might be similar? I've only ever been on one other online forum - totally unrelated to DID - and everyone there routinely shortened each other's usernames. I can see that might not be a good idea on this one!

Sara, I am Una, the host identity of my system. Convention here is to check the signature at the bottom of the post. When an identity other than the host is posting, they identify themselves by name in the post or use a text color other than black.

Thank you!

Sara2012 is my username because Sara was taken! I use Sara for short, and it refers to all of me as well as the "host". I'm sometimes not sure when another one is around or talking "through" me - but I guess the convention does apply, as I'm the one writing.

It's still very new - have you ever had the experience of one of your "others" and your T sharing an affectionate joke at your expense? One of the others was talking "through" me, I was listening, and she said something like "[the birth name] doesn't really know who we all are", and my T smiled and said, "I know!"

Unfortunately for some reason my T does not close the loop. Some of my insiders have spoken directly to her and it appears that when they do she is aware of them, yet she does not respond to them directly. Instead it feels to me as if she tries to pass her response to them through me. At times she has even responded by speaking to me about them, using the third person, when they are right there in front of her. They perceive this response as their coming forward being unwelcome to her, and they shut up and retreat.

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that - of course they would. Can you talk to her about it? The most powerful thing my T does is to talk directly to my others, and make eye contact with them, when I let them look through "my" eyes. It feels as though I'm "being" that other part of me and, as that other part, feeling what it's like to be seen, and to receive warm, loving eye contact, for the first time - well, I guess that's exactly what's happening. Sometimes when it's hard to contact one of them, I ask my T, "Can you talk TO her - that will bring her out", and it does.

Hello Sara! It's nice to read your posts!

Sara2012 wrote: The most powerful thing my T does is to talk directly to my others, and make eye contact with them, when I let them look through "my" eyes. It feels as though I'm "being" that other part of me and, as that other part, feeling what it's like to be seen, and to receive warm, loving eye contact, for the first time - well, I guess that's exactly what's happening.

That sounds magical for me! It's so great to have T trained to work with DID I suppose. In my country just finding T can be a challenge. And for our psychiatrists this diagnose doesn't exist!

Hi Schrodinger's cat! It's nice to "meet" you.

That must be so hard - I can't imagine not being able to find a T who's good and experienced, and having to do it all on my own. Yes, working with someone that good can be magical! I guess you've tried every way you can to see who's working in your country?