It all went wrong ***trigger: abuse***

Just a thought but are there any others in your system who can face down aggressors better, that is, who might have more success with keeping boundaries in place? If they're there, keep in mind that they're also you in the larger sense. If you weren't multiple, you'd already have access to their abilities, which are currently still dissociated away from you. So it's not like it's cheating or something to ask them to do what comes more naturally to them. I think practicing healthy boundaries is more important than who creates or reinforces them. I suspect there is somebody who would handle the interactions with your sister differently but only you guys can decide on that.

Around my mother's funeral, everything was so intense among the siblings and my older sister (again) was making me crazy one day and I just had to escape but couldn't figure out how! So without any planning, Quato switched in and handled it. He was so detached from the family, he ended up saying something weird upon leaving like "yeah, so take it easy and everything." We still laugh at the look she gave us but it was great!

I know you have already heard this - but you cannot internalize (make yours) the feelings or actions of your mother, sister, father, anyone but you. those are their issues to deal with. It is manipulative and wrong what is being said - even if ignorant, even if you can understand WHY they are not functioning the way they should....you are trying to move forward.

You are so brave. You are trying to make sure you aren't sucked into the games/lies any more. It can be such a challenge when you want more for yourself, better for yourself, different for yourself...and those whom you want to care for and maybe even have their approval of - sit their being stumbling blocks in your path. And it is so maddening that they are not giving you validation but want to sit like turtles in their shells refusing to see the truth and take responsibility for their own actions...but YOU are doing good. You are doing the best you can. We all know this! You are so cared for!

Johnny-Jack wrote:Just a thought but are there any others in your system who can face down aggressors better, that is, who might have more success with keeping boundaries in place?

Hmm.... this has made me think. I think Bourbonny is better at boundaries than me but she doesn't really have the.... um... emotions? to deal with a situation like this. She would be very joyful and it would look like we are being very insensitive.... she's a very work minded person. Though, if it came to it, she could step in and deal with the emotional fall out (if there was one). She stepped in when it all happened and I had to drive home so...

Johnny-Jack wrote: "yeah, so take it easy and everything." We still laugh at the look she gave us but it was great!

I can imagine! Wish I could have witnessed this!

HopeIsHere wrote: It can be such a challenge when you want more for yourself, better for yourself, different for yourself...and those whom you want to care for and maybe even have their approval of - sit their being stumbling blocks in your path.

Well the need for approval from these people is something else I need to work on. I am not here on this earth to please them. I am here for me. But when you don't think 'me' is good enough then I guess it's natural to do it for something else?

HopeIsHere wrote: And it is so maddening that they are not giving you validation but want to sit like turtles in their shells refusing to see the truth and take responsibility for their own actions...but YOU are doing good. You are doing the best you can. We all know this! You are so cared for!

It is so coincidental you use that analogy... turtle in a shell... that is exactly the analogy I used last night to explain the position I was in! Ironically, it was my sister telling me that I am refusing to see the truth and take responsibility for my actions!

Anyway, thank you. You are lovely.

Thank everyone so much for your advice.

I held my head up high. I enforced some boundaries in the conversation today with my sister. I told her constructively how upsetting her words were on Saturday.

And SHE held HER head up high. SHE enforced some boundaries.

We met in the middle.

I am so relieved I don't even know what to do with myself.

I just want to say thank you everyone for helping me to get the strength to face this.

Bourbon

Yay, good for you! *Little celebratory dance*

* clapping * Yay! Good news!!! Thanks for updating/sharing this!!!

Awesome! I'm so glad things went well for you!