New to DID

Very tired at the moment, so my reply will be short for tonight, but...

candyr2911 wrote:I live with my family at the moment and i'm scared if i switch to a little one or another then they might end up getting hurt by my family or doing something and getting hurt.

... I think I found part of the problem! Fear of losing control AND fear of one of your system members getting hurt? That to me sounds like just the reason why switching wouldn't happen.

Also, it could be that you just... can't. We used to be able to in HS, but since there, nope. I tried to let one of my guys take over, and he was basically like "I'm doing it! Am I doing it? Did I do it?" and we ended up laughing over it... because no, the best we got was half-and-half... I felt very strange, and he felt very "present", but I didn't go anywhere. So I don't think that counts as switching.

I found that I am excessively protective over my little ones, but even also the older ones. I keep wanting to try get them to switch at will but I suppose inner instinct won't allow me to let them out.

We are co-conscious soooo often especially when we are at T. So far being at T is the most light headed I've ever felt. I do switch, very subtly but not at will... and I only know once I've seen evidence that I've actually switched - other than that, I guess I wouldn't know the difference.

The little ones are becoming quite attached to T and they now getting excited and anxious to see T on Thursday. Their excitement is driving me crazy. I do feel that they will come out with a complete switch eventually.

I suppose I just need to find an environment where I feel safe. I haven't felt safe for 28 years so that's all I've known. Even T says I need to find a safer environment to live in. Currently trying to find my own place so perhaps then we can all start feeling safer and more comforatable in our surroundings. and of course the little ones have already claimed a toy room for when we move!

candyr2911 wrote:I suppose I just need to find an environment where I feel safe. I haven't felt safe for 28 years so that's all I've known.

We sympathize. Hopefully you can be on your way to a safer living situation soon.