new here and need help

Hi every one im new to the hole talking to people about my DID.
In reality im a select mute i my self dont like that term it sounds like i choose not to talk but its more i cant when its to people i dont know, so as a result i take a back seat most of the time i am the host or rather the oldest personality and its my name on the birth certificate but my alter lives our life she is a singer by trade not widely known but she gets alot of work, she will force controle on days she has work and random points in a day.
I have lots of friends who i dont know and address me as Val so its clearly her doing.
It gas gotten so bad i feel like im the alter intafearing in her life.

What did i do?

Bird.

Bird song wrote:Hi every one im new to the hole talking to people about my DID.
In reality im a select mute i my self dont like that term it sounds like i choose not to talk but its more i cant when its to people i dont know, so as a result i take a back seat most of the time i am the host or rather the oldest personality and its my name on the birth certificate but my alter lives our life she is a singer by trade not widely known but she gets alot of work, she will force controle on days she has work and random points in a day.
I have lots of friends who i dont know and address me as Val so its clearly her doing.
It gas gotten so bad i feel like im the alter intafearing in her life.

What did i do?

Bird.

What did you do? What did i do? You spend all your time reading soppy romance novels and drawing, you never go out if you dont have to why should i be traped in your timmid world?
I like to socialise , sing and dance and i make good money doing so.
Just because your too shy or whatever to live dose NOT give you the right to hold me back from living.
I never asked to be in this sitch.

Val.

Bird song and Val
We are not good at advice.Hell if we had the answers we would not be in therapy.So you two need to learn to work together and stop the division.Get a therpist to help you two work throw the issues.Welcome to the group.Their are a lot of nice people here that maybe be able to give better advive than us.
Regards
Us

This is more to Val...

Neither of you did anything. You're not wrong to want to live a full, happy life doing what you want to do. But look at it from Bird's point of view for a moment. She's having a lot of people she doesn't know call her by a different name and acting like she's a friend, and is probably overwhelmed and a little scared by that, because she is naturally a shy person. Just as you are naturally an outgoing person.

You're both sharing a body, and she is the host of that body. She just seems worried that she's not living her own life, and while you want to live life how you want, I hope you can understand that she's feeling a bit "put out". If the situation was reversed, wouldn't you want a bit more time to do what you liked to do? If she forced control over you on days you had work, how would you feel?

Maybe it would be possible to open up to her a little? Let her know who your friends are... their names, what they do, how you all met. Let her know what days you have work lined up, and give her a say here and there about what gigs you take... or you take over the work area, and let her choose what to do on the days you aren't working. Allow her to give over control, rather than forcing it from her. I'm sure if you made it clear when you needed control beforehand, she would give it over willingly.

It seems to me she doesn't want to stop you from having a happy life, but you both need to be happy in order to make things work. This lifetime belongs to both of you. Not just one or the other. You didn't ask to be in this situation, I know, but you ARE in it... and because of that, you both need to learn to work together. That involves communicating, compassion and learning how to share.

I'm sure you two can work something out. You just have to put forth the effort.

I don't know much about all of this, but it seems to me that each and every part of us is necessary and needed. Each alter contains different parts of the same person. No one can be "in the way" of another because together they make up the whole.

I don't know if that makes sense, but I do wish you all of the goodness in the world. You deserve it. Please be gentle with yourself and yourselves.

Emmalyse