intro to the DID forum

Hi Everyone!

I have been at psychforums for a very short time now. I started out in the Incest/Sex Abuse Forum because that is what started this whole nightmare.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD with DDNOS, but haven't done much work on my parts since then. I have entered psychotherapy, but I am feeling my therapist is incompetent to help me on some issues. I am going to stay with him for a bit of time because I have insurance that covers the visits. I want to tell him what I think of how things have gone so far. He triggers me majorly, but a part of me wants to talk to him about it. Not sure why.

I wanted to introduce myself on this forum because I feel it is imformative and I can relate to alot here. I also post on the DDNos Forum.

I think you are all pretty amazing people to have gone through what you have and come out with so much knowledge and insight. It feels like a blessing to have found this place.

A little about me-- I already said what happened to cause my symptoms.
*********Abuse trigger *******
I was young--5, 6, 7, 8...maybe even three. I have suspicions of something with my dad at age 3.
**********Trigger End*******************

This has interfered in my life since it happened. I turned into a dissociated weirdo. What a poor poor little girl....
I did my best to get through. I got married at 21 and had my daughter at 23. Then I started having major anxiety and was hospitalized by the time she was 2. I was strongly medicated until she was 6. I barely remember her years of growing.
I got intensive therapy for my disocciation in 2006.
I still can't work. I am on SSI--which is a poverty level disability payment that I am very grateful for. I homeschool my daughter after trying her out in the local charter school didn't go so well. My internal world is just confusing and chaotic.

I feel like this whole intro post is confusing and chaotic! Sorry about that.
Oh, and I am 36. My parts are still unsorted and conflicting.

Hello and welcome to the DID forum. Nice to see you here to say hello.

turtlelove wrote:I want to tell him what I think of how things have gone so far. He triggers me majorly, but a part of me wants to talk to him about it.

I would encourage you to speak to your therapist about how you are finding your sessions so far and what it is about him that you find triggering. I think if you speak with him about it, it may give you a good chance to work through any problems you are encountering in your therapy...

I'm sorry about the abuse you went through. You are brave to be working on things in therapy and to reach out here for support and further insight. I think it is a positive thing that you are working to improve your situation and gain insight into your condition in this way.

Welcome to the forum! You are a very strong person and have overcome some very horrible things that no child should have to suffer through! Your not crazy by far..You are a survivor! we are all happy to have you here to share your story and hopefully we can provide you with support and hopefully some good advice! This is a wonderful community we can feel safe in and without judgement. This place has done a lot for me! Hope it can do the same for you! Its the perfect place to ramble and vent. And what seems to be erratic and insane moments in your life you will find that we can relate to and often know exactly what you are talking about (even when you don't really know what you are talking about) your not the only one who has been through these things, and believe me this place can always show insight, and give hope to people who feel lost. You are not alone! You are a valued part of this community. And you are always welcome here!

Welcome to the forum. I hope you can find support here. This is a great place to share and gain an understanding.

Hello - like the introduction!

turtlelove wrote:He triggers me majorly, but a part of me wants to talk to him about it. Not sure why.

This is important. This is a trailhead. Please do talk to your therapist about this.

Thank you all for the warm welcomes. There is such a warm friendly energy here. I love it!


I plan to talk to my T about this, and I hope that I can. I forget alot of this kind of stuff when I get in front of him. He tries to ask about it, but some part of me that wants everything to be ok says 'All is great, I love therapy. It is helping me so much.' Last week I opened up about the pain I have over losing a brother who molested me. I even cried. And then the session was over. I was left feeling screwed and abandoned--just like my brother did to me. I feel so silly telling my T that stuff! I worry about him exploiting me when he gains this knowledge.

Phew, I was able to say all that! I haven't been able to put this stuff into coherent sentences (it seems) until now.

Should I write this stuff down and take it in and give it to him? And tell him that I just can't say it. I know a part of me will freak out when I do that. I'll get all dizzy and get a headache and my face will burn with shame.

turtlelove wrote:Thank you all for the warm welcomes. There is such a warm friendly energy here. I love it!

I am so glad that you are feeling it!

turtlelove wrote:I was left feeling screwed and abandoned--just like my brother did to me. I feel so silly telling my T that stuff! I worry about him exploiting me when he gains this knowledge.

If your T is any good at all, he already has this knowledge without your telling him. But it helps to tell these things. You are feeling raw unprocessed original feelings and it is normal for raw feelings to "attach" to whoever is with you now. An important part of the work of therapy is to bring these feelings up, see them stick onto someone in the here and now, examine them, and then peel them away and let them go.

turtlelove wrote:Should I write this stuff down and take it in and give it to him? And tell him that I just can't say it. I know a part of me will freak out when I do that. I'll get all dizzy and get a headache and my face will burn with shame.

That is what I would do. With practice it gets easier. With practice you will be able to talk about your stuff with an ease and comfort that seems unimaginable now. Doesn't that sound wonderful?

hi turtlelove
you no should feel silly about telling the T anything. What do you mean explote you? A therapist would really get in a lot of trouble if they ever let anything that is said in therapy leave the office.
Yes writing things down that are bothering you, including whatever the T is dong that triggers you, is a real good idea. You just hand it to him and you no have to talk about it much, no more than you feel like.

Becky

Hi! Welcome!