Things Getting Bad...

Hi, it's me again.

So, basically, we've hit a bit of a rough spot, to put it lightly. B, one of my gf's alters, has become suicidal, and it's taking M (who's in charge at the moment) a lot of effort to prevent this. I've spoken to B and he said things would just be easier if they weren't here, exams are stressing them all out and they're worried they're going to muck up my gf's future (she's on the inside at the moment because she wasn't coping). I'm terrified and I don't know what to do.

Any help would be greatly appreciated - stuck in a nasty place.

Thanks,
Caterpillar

Some things you can do: Call a crisis hotline. Call her therapist. Take her to a hospital emergency room.

Exam time brings out so much stress for everyone. It is exam time around where I work too and the tension in the air is buzzing. Having to deal with exams on top of everything is really hard work. It's where I was last year. I very often felt like I should just leave this world and it would be so much easier. What kept me going is the thought that exam time is temporary. Things WILL perk up.

If things get very very unmanageable you can take your gf to A&E. Depending on where abouts you live in the UK it might be different... but over where I live she would get seen by an on-call psychiatrist and they would decide what to do: could be inpatient (but to be honest, unlikely unless there is suicide plans), could be crisis team intervention which I've had hundreds of times, could be an urgent referral to the local NHS clinic...

Perhaps you can discuss with M if he thinks he can manage it or if he thinks a bit of crisis intervention will help.

Also, you could give that therapist you have been in contact with a buzz, just to see if they have any other ideas.

Hope things settle soon. You know how to reach me if you need to talk,

B

Thank you for your replies.

Una+ - that's really helpful, but we're a bit stuck in what we can and can't do because of circumstances. We don't have a therapist, can't get to a hospital and B doesn't speak, although he does communicate through writing.

Bourbon - I will have a chat with M, although, like I said above, the chances of us being able to get any outside help are miniscule. I did give the person I've been in contact with a ring, he was reluctant to give much advice which is understandable, but advised me to listen and validate B's feelings, and try to find ways he can express them in a postive way. He said that a lot of the time, there are alters who carry a lot of the negative feelings, and he may be one of them.

Thanks for the offer of talking, any support is much appreciated!

Spoke to M about what happened last time this became an issue - said that they 'locked him in'. Is this a good idea?

Thanks again
Caterpillar

Would it help if M came on this board and posed some questions directly or perhaps M could ask you specific questions? He might be able to add a few details which could cause someone to come up with something more specific. In any case, M and/or the others just knowing that there are fellow-sufferers out there who are interested in helping, if possible, may help a little bit. Being or feeling alone in this is one of the worst aspects of what I go through on a daily basis. At least I know the board's here, plus I do have a competent T.

M knows, and we have spoken about, that when we get through this very pressurised, no-time exam period then we will try and help B a bit more with how he's feeling.

Another issue is that B doesn't understand that if he kills himself, he kills all of them. Whilst I understand it is his body when he is in it, he doesn't grasp the concept that it is 'shared', I guess. Do I tell him? And, if so, how?

Sorry, feeling a bit stuck atm...
Caterpillar

thecaterpillar17 wrote:Another issue is that B doesn't understand that if he kills himself, he kills all of them. Whilst I understand it is his body when he is in it, he doesn't grasp the concept that it is 'shared', I guess. Do I tell him? And, if so, how?

Does he know -at all- that it is shared?

Another issue is that B doesn't understand that if he kills himself, he kills all of them. Whilst I understand it is his body when he is in it, he doesn't grasp the concept that it is 'shared', I guess. Do I tell him? And, if so, how?

Yes, tell him, unless you're pretty sure it will trigger him to self-harm. If he's old enough to talk, he's old enough to gain a sense of being in the same body with others. If you can talk to him, I would say that the body he harms is also his own. I don't think that's the most effective argument because it's obvious yet often ignored in the logic of the self-harmer. State that if he harms the body, he will be harming innocents, littles.

From reading, it seems to me the most common problem is with the host or one or more adults (or just oldest ones) in the system, not with the littles and certainly not all of them. I've often wanted to end the life, as have others, but when faced with the inescapable fact that it would also affect the most innocent ones here, it gives us tremendous pause, even when we know they are us.

It might be important to get B to talk about why he wants to kill the body. Is he killing himself, someone else, all of them? Why not hold out for a period of time, what's the pressure for now or soon?