When to meet the T?

This is Joan.

I want to go to her next therapist appoitment. I want to talk to the therapist, introduce myself, and so does Mouth.

Question is, we've only seen her twice? now. Is she ready to meet us?

My thoughts are, she needs to be able to handle us. But then again, I might be pushing too soon. I'm afraid of some of the questions she might want to ask about the abuse, and I'm not ready to talk about it.

So, when should we let her know we're here. So far, we've only "listened in".

We see her tomorrow. I'm thinking of "dropping by to say hi" and let the body continue the session.

BUT...

I read it in a book that one of the alters, or the host, needs to be responsible for going to the meetings. The host doesn't like to talk, and won't bring up serious issues, will lie about how she's doing and flat-out sabatoge the session. So I'm thinking I, or Jo, should take over the sessions. Maybe Jo, because she holds more memories than I do. She shares them with a couple of the others, and knows more about the others than me.

But, I want to be there too...

How about meeting the therapist, letting her know that you aren't ready to talk about the abuse yet, and asking her about your other questions? Basically something in between just saying "hi" and completely taking over the session.

How are you (and everyone else) liking the therapist so far?

If the T is aware you have DID, I'd say whenever you feel is appropriate is good. In my own system, there's actual danger is we don't switch fairly early because otherwise the outside persons are established as "people we have to be John with" and there's tremendous internal pressure not to present as anything other than John. This is left over from childhood and even though we know it's no longer applicable, there seems to be an internal mechanism that stands in the way.

I also think early is good because you get to see how the T responds to the alters. If the T has trouble connecting or treating them as unique individuals, or doesn't give them a fair shake, or is uncomfortable and wants the host to come back, it's better to know that sooner rather than later so that you can find a new T! My alters pushed for the verdict expressed in the previous sentence. My T has been extremely welcoming and responds to them sort of as if they're just a part of me and as if they're a new person who stepped into the room. It's an impressive balancing act and she's very experienced with DID, but they're still a bit wary.

I read it in a book that one of the alters, or the host, needs to be responsible for going to the meetings. The host doesn't like to talk, and won't bring up serious issues, will lie about how she's doing and flat-out sabatoge the session. So I'm thinking I, or Jo, should take over the sessions. Maybe Jo, because she holds more memories than I do. She shares them with a couple of the others, and knows more about the others than me.

We've decided that it absolutely must be more than just me attending. I try to be as honest as possible but I'm just don't see everything and I can get overwhelmed at times by the damage that was done to me but not to the others. Plus the other are absolutely parts of the whole mind. It can't be just me or we'll probably be in big trouble. Based on our experience thus far, however, it appears that EMDR may need to be done by me. That doesn't really matter because whoever was experiencing the trauma at the time originally tends to show up anyway, but not so much as them or as me, just as the child we were when it happened.

w4rp3dh4l0 wrote:I read it in a book that one of the alters, or the host, needs to be responsible for going to the meetings

Responsible maybe in the way that someone needs to make sure you get there and back okay and none of the little's are stuck out at the end of the session leading to a crisis as the therapist begins to act as a babysitter until the host decides to turn up. But being responsible like that doesn't necessarily mean no one can join in with the contents of the session. I actually agree with J-J that switching early on makes it a lot easier to help you ALL develop a relationship with the T not just the host. And that is necessary for healing, in my opinion.

Thanks for the replies guys. I'm a little scared/nervous, but I am also a little bit excited. I'm also going to make a list of things that I want to talk about. But, I'll probally leave it to Jo, because she keeps things in a little better order than I do. We have been keeping an hour-by-hour log of who'se out and what we're doing, which is one of the main things we're going to talk about. Everyone in the system has been working on writing this log, and with a few exceptions, we've been keeping track of what has been going on with us. I hope our T helps us and that we're not waisting our time.