Can alters change their appearance?

2 alters are 'scary' to the rest of them...and I wonder if they can decide to change their appearance at all? At my core, I feel a person is a person or an animal is that..and you can't change them. To do so changes their functionality and identity. But they seem unhappy that they cause fear in the others and I don't know how to help or what to suggest. I feel like I'm stumbling in the dark and anything I might try to suggest to be helpful - may just offend or build walls or whatever. i try to talk directly to the alter (not my son and his perspective) and ask if they are ok with how they appear...so they can be accepted/validated how THEY want to be...but they aren't.

In my system...

All parts are really human - even though many take on an Animal Appearance. It has taken a lot of work to get these alters to where they will appear at time in human form. I have gorilla, vultures, rat, mouse, bear, snakes and a bunch more.

Also when choosing pictures - many of the alters chose a picture they felt I reacted to. I asked them about this and they did want to please me. Whatever they looked like inside before this changed to become exactly like the picture.

I act much like a mother to my alters and perhaps they do all this because of our relationship.

I think it may be more helpful to discuss with the scared ones why it is that they are scared by the appearance of the others to find out if this perhaps has something more to do with reminding them of someone that hurt them?

I don't think it's really practical or polite to ask some personalities to change their appearance for the sake of the scared ones. Also, the scared ones shouldn't be given the option to ask the others to change their appearance simply because they want to avoid something that is scaring them, that is not a practical strategy for dealing with real life either.

I think communication is going to be the answer here. Find out why the scared ones are scared. Ask the ones with the scary appearance if they can do something nice for the scared ones so that they scared ones start to feel more trusting of them...

That's what we would try anyway...

I agree with Salted Lipstick on this one. I would find it very hurtful if someone, especially outside of our system, asked me to change my appearance. I am who I am. If someone is scared of me - then we have to work together for them to look past my appearance and see that I'm a caring person who wants the best for the others in the system. So yeah, ask what exactly is triggering to the ones who are scared and maybe help talk through the fears. That's my best bet anyway

- Lin

Thank you - in sum up it seems that it is very important to let them lead the way here. If the ones who feel like they didn't 'choose this appearance' and resent that they are scaring others want help to 'change', I could offer the pictures or etc....

Otherwise...talk to the others about why they are scared (I think you hit it on the head that one of them resembles the abuser...and the other..well, I'm not sure anyone would not be scared to look at him from his description...but I suggested that he was chosen because he is intimidating and a bit scary - he can outdo the actual object of fear that way....

Thanks everyone!