Alters asked for help to find a 'lost' one...

My son's alters are actively searching for a female, mother figure Mitera... they can't find her and the Protector blames me (not mean..just matter-of-fact) they say perhaps she won't come out because I am here...and since she was there when I wasn't, she is sleeping...but they are quite anxious to have her back. To give her her own place in the house and have asked me to help. I am not sure how to call someone who only came when I was gone and he was unhappy Ideas?

I think maybe you could suggest they write to each other to see if anyone inside knows where it is that Mitera went to sleep and how to wake her up. I think they can't expect you to solve everything, you are not going to know those kind of internal workings of their system. I think you can only suggest they communicate with each other directly in writing to see if anyone knows where she might be...

I was asked tonite if I had ideas...so I responded like this: the other mom...only comes out when needed so does not feel needed because I am here. Perhaps everyone need know that she still is needed...I can't be here all the time, i have to work and take care of other kids...and I can only hug and nurture when someone is on the outside. It would be nice for her to be on the inside so she can cuddle and hug ... especially if (they) had a hard day or session at the T's....perhaps we put some things in a room for her so that when she is ready - she will have it. A rocking chair, books.... and she will know how welcome she is and I am not jealous now because I know she will only carry the best traits (not any of my bad ones!) and never get too sleepy or busy to be there...

So ... I thought that was good....to let them know I'm not feeling like I'm being replaced, evoking memories of what they did with her (rocking? book reading?) and then the protector says "Oh...she was never here for the litte ones. Only for (my son). They've never met her that I know of."

I felt like someone let the air out of my balloon. I said. "oh. um. Well....we can still make the room and if she comes, great, and if not, one of you Daddys can use it for the same reason...give them comfort and time...."
So...we will see where it goes. They think she was put in a room and separated from (the protector) on purpose but arent sure why

Meanwhile, my son 'whispered' to me when he said the Protector wasn't listening - "I think since I am with you now, she wasn't needed and she may have...reabsorbed into me..." We will just have to wait and see.

I'm sorry that was what you received when you were being supportive. For what it's worth, your responses seem, to me, very good. She might very well have reabsorbed considering the host of your son does, from what we gather, feel supported by you and know you are there. In that case that is a healthy, good thing. If she's "locked away" for some reason - that reason is also (probably) a good one - and a healthy choice for the system. So either way, if you look at that way - what you found out wasn't bad. It doesn't make it less uncomfortable and you're in full right to feel a bit deflated, though.

Hopefully they will find some answers as to what's happened to her - it seems important for the Protector(s) and thereby also the system in general. Like I've said before - it's a journey, and I'd like to say you are doing a good job walking

- Lin

The other mother may not be you or any representation of you. The inner "mother" may be something else entirely. They may want you to meet her so you can understand something that happened. She may not be able to come out because you are there. This one might hold something, some memory, that the others don't hold. This other may be more closely related to the abuser than to you.

The inner mother may be a representation of you, anything is possible. But she may not be. I just want you to be prepared incase they do find her. If they find her and you meet her, you may be surprised to find out the system's "mother" is an introject.

I guess what I'm saying is hope for the best but be prepared to handle whatever comes. If this other mother is not a "good" alter, don't take it personally. It has nothing to do with you.

What was the name of your ex's female alter?

Thank you....life...it IS a journey...and ashes - I never speak her name because I'm a little superstitious but I call her DD for short. Salted - I will try to step outside it a bit...but make that suggestion to the Protector who seems to speak with everyone and see if he wants to ask them himself..he is a good judge of who he can talk to how...