Alter obssed with SO. Need some help with her.

I don't know who it is, (they only come out when my fiance is gone), but they get really, really, incredibly upset when he's spending time with his friend.

She thinks things like he likes his friend more, doesn't want to spend time with her, would rather be with the friend, he's not coming back, she's worthless and he doesn't love her, he's over there talking bad about her...ect.

I don't know how to make her okay with him being gone.

She will BLOW UP his phone, and get extreemly angry with him if he doesn't answer right away. She ALWAYS causes a fight with him over it, and gets really nasty with some of the things that come out of her mouth.

My fiance wants to go to his friend's house today, and I can feel her stirring around inside me.

I don't want to cause another fight because of this. I want to control and contain this alter before she causes another problem. But, I don't know how.

He spent about a half an hour cuddiling us before he jumped in the shower to go. He's still in the shower, and hasn't left yet, but he will soon and I can already tell I'm getting upset.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Google "Abandonment issues". With the behaviors you listed for her, she may be Borderline. There is a BPD section in the Personality tab of this forum. While you all are DID, it is possible for each alter to have their own diagnosis (though DID is an umbrella term and so she probably wouldn't be officially diagnosed as such).

Point is, learning about abandonment issues with BPD may give you some coping mechanisms to use with her. The more we understand our other selves, the more we are better equipped to handle life and help all in the system.

Yes, that alter or alters seem to have "borderline personality disorder". You could ask him to give you extra assurance every time he leaves, or be willing to text as soon as he gets there, texting certain things like he misses her/you, etc.

Please don't tell me that I've got Boarderline Personality Disorder too....I already have OCD and Schizoaffective Disorder. I don't want there to be ANOTHER thing wrong with me

w4rp3dh4l0 wrote:Please don't tell me that I've got Boarderline Personality Disorder too....I already have OCD and Schizoaffective Disorder. I don't want there to be ANOTHER thing wrong with me

I wouldn't let this panic you, because if you think about it, it makes perfect sense. First of all, these sort of things can be true in one alter and not in another, but the amount of disorders you are aware of is only useful in that you can recognize things that have been wrong for a long time and learn to help them. Knowing or not knowing does not create a problem, it only gives you a chance to fix it.

Also, Borderline is also caused by trauma in childhood in many cases, so it being comorbid with DID is not that unusual. In fact, a good portion of people with DID are misdiagnosed with it before realizing their DID. However, some people with DID do also have Borderline.

As a child, you didn't learn to build solid relationships. So you fear being abandoned. But there are ways to work on this. It's not impossible.

We realize that you're probally right. The host doesn't want to accept that there is "so much wrong with her." It gets her depressed because she's not "normal" (who of us are??). She's got an appointment with her new docotor today. It's going to be the first time we meet him/her. I'm going for her. She think's they're going to lock her away and she wasn't going to go, but I convinced her I'd go for her.

Wish us luck!

Jo

My son just got his DID diagnosis. One thing the T said was "if there was something wrong with your torso, you would want to go ahead and call it 'appendicitis' so that the doctor would know exactly what to do to help you...otherwise, they might work on your kidneys...SO...in the 'medical' field or psychological field - the 'label' is just a 'diagnostic tool' so that we use the right equipment to help you..."

I thought that was a good way to look at it. I know that may not be a great answer, but for my son, it seemed to help a little so I wanted to share.