SO - help required *possible trigger*

Hi everyone

This is my first post here - have been lurking for a while but haven't posted yet, so I apologise if this doesn't make much sense or anything!

Basically, I am the girlfriend of my beautiful girl, who is struggling at the moment with what could be DID, perhaps.

I just needed to ask for help with something specific. Basically, I got panicked last night when dealing with one of her other parts (we don't really know all the terms yet) because he had hurt her and I was terrified that it might get worse, so I touched him which I know was the completely wrong thing to do as when I'd met him before, we'd kept distances as he was so scared of touch. I just panicked and now he's really, really angry which means we've gone about 500 steps backwards. He thinks that he has to hurt to protect her and hasn't really understood the whole 'shared body' thing, if that makes sense, if that gives you any better info. I just really don't know what to do now, and any advice, any advice at all would be, it would just be amazing.

My gf's doing her best not to think about it atm, and whilst I obviously want to respect her and go at her pace (it isn't me who's suffering) I'm concerned that denial isn't helping anyone involved (and I don't just mean me).

Also, if anyone knew of any like, support groups or networks or anything for SOs I would be really grateful, it's early days in this for the both of us (although we've been together now for four months) so I'm looking around for all the help we/I can get

Thank you so much in advance,
Caterpillar

Active self harming may merit admission to a hospital. At a minimum it merits a frank discussion about considering hospital admission as an option, so that you can plan which hospital etc. As her SO, do you intend to function as an enabler (in the negative sense)? I hope not. This is a situation that calls for professional help.

Who does the host think harmed her body? Or is she even repressing her awareness of the injuries?

Hello and welcome to the forum. I think it is really good that you want to help her and that you are asking for advice.

I think it would be really helpful for her to start working through the DID with a therapist who is familiar with working with DID. Have you considered helping her to try and find a therapist?
I think it would be most beneficial for her to work through these types of issues with a therapist as you can't possibly expect yourself to be able be her only source of support to work through this. Also a therapist will have a really good idea of how to get parts to start working together more and to understand that they exist within the same body.

I'm sure other people will have some other suggestions for you, but I just wanted to throw the therapist idea out there for you for the time being...

Una+

Thank you for your reply, I have considered hospital, although I haven't brought it up with her. The main issue with that is practicality. You see, we're both just 17 and are at a boarding school together. Her parents have no idea, and she really has no intention of them ever knowing. I just don't know what to do. Any help, any at all right now would be incredible.

Also, I don't know what you mean by being an enabler, am I? How do I make sure I'm not?

We know who it was. Don't want to go into details of last night, but, pretty sure we know. Don't know if she's repressing awareness of the injuries. I don't know anything really tbh.

Sorry to ask so many questions, am just a bit jittery at the moment.

Salted Lipstick,

Hi there and thank you for your reply too. I recognise the importance of therapy and have tried gently suggesting it but not much response coming through. Should I be more forceful? I just don't want to be too pushy.

Thank you both again,
Caterpillar

What does the hurt consist of?

Cutting. What should I do?

DEVELOPMENTS!!

So, he's not so angry at me anymore, just absolutely terrified of me which, while not brilliant, seems a bit better...maybe? I'm currently trying to see the optimism in the situation!! Still kicking myself but fear may be easier to reassure him through than anger I guess.

Also, and this is the time for partying, my gf has expressed a desire in talking to someone, like a T, which in my opinion is a brilliant step forward. Whilst it's all still very scary for her and that's totally understandable, I like this feeling of moving forward.

Just currently trying to be the best girlfriend I can be - does anyone have any suggestions of things I could do to make some of this a bit easier for her, anything you would have wanted people to do but didn't feel as though you could ask them, so I can at least offer?

Thank you
Caterpillar

Just currently trying to be the best girlfriend I can be - does anyone have any suggestions of things I could do to make some of this a bit easier for her, anything you would have wanted people to do but didn't feel as though you could ask them, so I can at least offer?

I think you're doing good. I think all I wanted people to do was to listen to them, really be there for them, treat them like they are real (because they are!) and treat them with respect, kindness and caring. Let them talk, let them be quiet, let them be who they are. Other than that just tell me (if it is the truth) that they are there and that they're not scared off and that we're all in this together. That's it, really

- Nin