Do I belong here?

I am writing this on my. , cell so forgive me if I miss something.
I can not afford a psychiatrist and make too much to go to the clinic, so I would like for you guys who know for sure about this to try and help me. I won't hold anyone responsible for their opinions!

I might have DID. My family tells me they can see 12-14 different people in me and at least one hates my husband. There are no different names that I know of but my
mother tells stories of walking past my room as a child and hearing me talk and my "ghost friend" responding in a completely different voice. A d no, from what I have been told, my childhood was no picnic. You see, I o ly have "snapshots" of being a child in my head, not the movie.

Anyway, I function fairly well on a daily basis, however I do have some issues. I can't remember hardly anything. I put important things away and do t remember doing it. I dont remember simple conversations. I sometimes think my voice sounds unfamiliar. I have low bp and get dizzy a lot but sometimes it is more like I shifted and then jerked back. I don't lose time, but like I said I lose conversations and things. I am aware of when I seem to hate my husband even though I know I love him. I have a couple of "characters" in my head with full backgrounds that I am unsure if I made up or they exist. I can see a difference in my handwriting,albiet a small difference, from line to line. Sometimes my glasses don't even work and I have been told "your eyes are more brown than usual today". I have never ren into someone that knew me but I did not recognize and I do not buy things without remembering. But I have been known to do rash things.

This is only a brief explanation, but I am on a cell like I said. And I know you guys aren't doctors, but there are no better experts than those living with an issue! So any help is appreciated! Oh and btw, I refer to myself as "we" with family!


Thanks

Welcome! You were drawn here for a reason. Simply go with it. Read posts and post yourself whenever you feel up to it. You’ll soon discover one way or another is this forum can help and support you.

All the so-called "classic" signs of DID are probably much rarer than has been believed. I haven't had them or they've been extraordinarily rare for me -- lost time, finding things I don't remember buying -- and I have DID. There are all sorts of shades of experience found in DID, including watching yourself do and say things that don't feel like you, noticing different handwriting, shifting eye prescription.

You sound to me like you might have DID, so I too would recommend sticking around, reading plenty of threads and responding to any you feel like. You can discover on your own that you have DID, many people here have done that. You don't need a professional's diagnosis to have DID obviously. But professional help can be incredibly healing and confirming when inevitable doubt creeps back. For those of us who definitely have DID, doubt can be a constant if unwelcome companion for a long part of the journey.

Everything JJ said is wise and right on. T noticed my DID right away (by 3rd session), but because I answered no to the sort of classic time loss and identity alteration questions you are mentioning, we did not actually get a diagnosis until nine months in. It turned out I actually did have some of that stuff, but it was very rare and very unnoticeable except in times of extreme stress and very easy to write off. Not saying you have that stuff, but just to share your experiences and read about others' experiences and see what fits and does not.

If you are into technical reading, I found Dell's subjective model to fit nearly exactly my experiences of DID. I'm sure someone on here can post a link or else I can try to find it if you're interested.

I'm sorry you can't afford therapy. I can totally understand that. It financially crashed us and basically negates all the money I make in my childcare job even with my T getting a single case agreement with my insurance. Hopefully, some day you will be able to afford it or get help. My T has a very generous sliding scale, so there are those out there who might be willing to help you even if you make a decent amount. A lot of them are in this profession out of a desire to help people and not for financial gain (although they do need to make a living).

Anyway, welcome!!!

Thanks for the welcome!

I have been reading a lot on the site and elsewhere and am unfortunately more confused. When you think about DID most people do think Sybil. That definately isn't reality though. IF I have DID, I would have to say that we share my mind most of the time. I am usually aware of what is going on, but don't always feel in control of what is being said. I will say things I shouldn't to people or wonder why my voice sounds that way. I tell my employees "make sure you remind me of that' because I know I will not remember having the conversation. My son will insist I have watched a movie that I am completely unaware of and I insist I haven't seen it, but have no recollection of losing time. I often wonder "did I just say that or think it" and have to ask someone to repeat what they just said to me because I either didn't realize they spoke or didn't quite grasp what was said, but there was no time gone.

I did have an interesting experience the other day though. I was listening to the radio on my way to work and there was something said on the news that I wanted to remember to tell my husband. Naturally, it was gone within minutes. I then had a discussion with myself and pulled in pieces of the information from what seemed like several different places, but all in basically the same voice in my head. I did tell myself thank you just in case.

I have tried to communicate with the others that may be there. I ask them to take over and do something like leave me a note or move something specific without "me" knowing about it, so far no luck.

How do you differentiate what is "normal" vs what may be DID? I assume "normal" people forget things like a movie or conversation and that "normal" people have discussions with themselves in their head to the point where they suddenly realize they have driven 10 miles and are further down the road than they thought.

Sorry I write so much, but I have so many questions and so much going on.

Hello and welcome to the forum.

From what you have said so far, it certainly sounds as if you are experiencing some things which may indicate DID. I think it will be helpful for you to stick around here and keep talking. You will eventually be able to unravel some of what is going on for you. It does help a lot to have a supportive therapist too, I'm sorry to hear you are not in a position to be able to afford one...

Snuffthroostr wrote:"normal" people have discussions with themselves in their head to the point where they suddenly realize they have driven 10 miles and are further down the road than they thought

My therapist said that normal people don't really have discussions with themselves. He said that if they do, they always know what they are going to say in their head. Whereas with DID it is like a revelation if another part puts forward a perspective that you hadn't thought of.

Snuffthroostr wrote:I assume "normal" people forget things like a movie or conversation

I think it would be normal to occasionally forget a conversation. I think it may even be normal to forget a movie, but I don't think it would be normal to completely forgot you had even seen the movie unless it was several years ago... If you are forgetting the parts of a conversation in the middle of it, that is definitely not normal...