Introduction and questions. Trigger

Hello All- I was diagnosed with DID about 2 months ago, and boy has it been escalating! I have become acutely aware of 5 others, and I feel the presence of more. I am a writer, so bear with me if you feel I am long winded please.

I've been motivated to start an account here after some recent events which I will describe in the following. This "event" began on a Friday. I constantly feel dissociated, and I constantly have internal messages with the others, but this day had an ominous undertone. Saturday felt worse. I had a conversation with the others that lasted about 40 minutes. This was the first one in which I sort of allowed them to share my mouth and trade back and forth. This made my anxiety subside, and I felt like I avoided a storm.

Then came Sunday. Sunday was the most intense day I have ever experienced. I was not in my body at all. My eyes were merely a viewport into a world that was completely unreal. All decisions were made in a democratic fashion. My mouth would blurt out sentences, my body jerked out movements (digging a big toe into the ground, the way a shy little boy would do). I had periods where an other would take control and I would be off to the side. My body did not belong to me- I expected to see a other I have come to know as Cheeto.

Sunday night came. I had dinner and relaxed on my couch.

9pm. I became aware of the floor bouncing, as if someone were walking heavily near me. I dismissed it as a neighbor walking down my hall. The sensation grew and became constant. An hour later I tried to relax and read in bed. The sensation grew. I became aware that it was not emanating from the external world, this feeling was coming from within!

I focused on this bizarre vibrating, turbulent yet nebulous sensation. The sensation overtook my body with supercharged force. I fell deep into my inner darkness and observed my limbs and chest vibrate in this energy. Huge bubbles of energy shot down my arms.

A half an hour later, I became aware that it had ended. I was standing in my inner darkness, staring out into the world through strangers eyes into my bedroom. I expected to see the room I had when I was 4. Reality set in... "what is this?"..."THIS, is Cheeto" (said by a female observer voice)...I looked at my body, expecting to see a body about with a shaved head, 6' tall and 50lbs overweight with grease under the fingernails and strong, calloused hands..Nope, just me. Woah.

2am. I jumped out of bed and retreated to my couch. "It's ok to feel now"...I became possessed by horrific flashbacks and snapshots of abuse. I have had flashbacks of abuse, but these flashbacks were of events I never had any clue occurred. Multiple men I never knew. Boys I was forced to perform with. One of which continued the abuse after this period.

3am. I balled my eyes out. I wanted to pull my teeth from my skull. I shook and cried until my eyes ached. Panic on the inside. I contemplated calling my therapist, my ex-girlfriend (she has met my others and is caring and supportive)..I clutched a pillow and balled my eyes out some more.

3:30am. Calmness and a feeling of being "released" touched me. "Love yourself and veg out, how about a movie and how about hugging that pillow now?" The "democracy" decided on Alice in Wonderland", and we promptly brought up in the Netflix Queue. The waves of horrific emotions and memories subsided, a feeling of healing ensued. As we focused on the movie, feelings of peace and sleepiness set in..Calm after the storm- ahh..

It's been a few days since that, and I am still feeling the dull ache of the emotions I experienced that night. I admit I have been pushing away that vibrating feeling. I can't handle anymore memories now.

Anyhow, the official "we" is composed of Cheeto, Leo, Mickey, Menace, Prophet, and me.

My Therapist has informed me about what the vibrating energy feeling is. Can anyone else relate to the vibrating energy feeling? How about meeting an other during a crisis?

All that you describe sounds familiar to me. Yes indeed.

Just this week I found an interesting lead to the literature on spiritual awakening aka spiritual emergence/emergency aka kundalini awakening in people who have had a near death experience (NDE). It describes exactly many of the phenomena I experience, and I think you may find it resonates for you as well.

I used to have a nightly vibrating feeling frequently when R surfaced (my first part who I learned to know better) and we were co-conscious almost daily for about eight months. I usually woke up at night with a feeling that my whole body is vibrating in waves that moved from the centre to the edges, something like that. Sometimes I felt that something or someone is leaving me. Now that I think of it, maybe it's related to R.

under ice wrote:...I usually woke up at night with a feeling that my whole body is vibrating in waves that moved from the centre to the edges, something like that. Sometimes I felt that something or someone is leaving me. Now that I think of it, maybe it's related to R.

The vibrating has only happened twice since that night. I pushed it back down the moment I recognized it. Is that a mistake? Seems like when I do the dissociative symptoms increase.

I don't know if it's a mistake, probably not unless it makes you feel worse. I did the same whe I had them because it wasn't particularly pleasant and I didn't understand what it was. I had forgotten that I had posted in this thread, only remembered it when I saw your newer thread.