Accepting my DID diagnosis, scared to tell friends

Hi. I'm new to this forum. After 10 years of on and off DID symptoms, I have been dissociating a lot lately and am trying to finally accept my DID diagnosis by my therapist and her supervisor. I am scared because I have no peers with whom to share my experiences. My social security disability application is pending, and my attorney said that my worsened diagnosis from PTSD, depression and anxiety to full-blown DID makes for a strong case. It would be nice to be better able to support myself right now while I am unemployed and on public assistance. I look forward to integrating my alters, going back to school for an advanced degree in biomedical engineering, then back to work as an engineer.

I am looking for support here and would love to encourage others. Are there specific biographies/autobiographies that anyone has found comforting or at least informative? Any stories of accomplishments/milestones reached in your integration/healing/whatever-you-want-to-call-it process as you manage your DID? Specific steps you took toward accepting your diagnosis? Grief over any stigma you feel as a person with DID? Coping skills you could share with me?

Thank you for reading this and I look forward to getting to know you all better and supporting you in your journeys. I wish you all the best.

Hugs,
Joy

Hey Joy,

Come to the DID forum... that is where everyone hangs out! You will find lots of support and shared experiences there

Bourbon

welcome joy

Thank you both so much for the warm welcome

Joy

Hello Joy and welcome to the forum. I've moved this post to the DID forum for you.

I think it sounds positive that you have a therapist and are seeking disability assistance to help support yourself.

I think the healing part of working on DID through therapy is less about the "end point" and more about the process of improvement in your life. It is common for us to focus on an end goal but in reality it's much more helpful to focus on continual improvement. When you are ready to integrate or not (whatever your end goal might be), that will take it's natural course so long as you have done all the gradual work to focus on continual improvement.

I think it's not surprising that you are scared to share your experiences with your peers. I think a lot of us here don't have any peers in real life with which to talk about our experiences. That is one of the benefits of this forum, that we can connect with other people who understand what we are going through.

Hi Joy, I'm new here, too, but not new to DID. I have begged & begged my current T to start a DID support group so I could "look into the eyes" of someone just like me & feel understood. He can understand in a T sort of way but it's still not the same. A life-time ago, my former T introduced me to another client of hers who had DID & we spent so much time together. It bolstered both our spirits. My current T will not facilitate my desire/need to meet another with DID because he doesn't want me telling them what I should be telling him, but I strongly disagree. I think a sounding board is good & a friend can give encouragment & support to do the right thing. I think that I understand your anxiety/fear/concerns of the unknown road ahead. I have come to the realization that as long as I keep breathing in & out & puting one foot in front of the other, I guess I'm doing OK. It's a long slow, difficult path but we'll get there!

You asked for book suggestions. I like Amazon. I just type in Dissociation & see what looks good. I read all the reviews so I can judge for myself what I most want to read about. Some of my favs are: Coping With Trauma-Related Dissociation (Boon, Steele, Van Der Hart), Switching Time (Richard Baer), Becoming One (Sarah E. Olson), Broken (Shy Keenan) & A God Called Father Judith Machree). One I'm just beginning is The Haunted Self (Van Der Hart, Nijenhuis, Steele) which is hoped to become mandatory reading for graduate Psych students.

Only advice I can give on telling friends is be careful. Didn't work out for me. But it isn't them. No one in my small circle of friends shamed me. I guess that I shame myself because I am not strong enough to be around people - even those I care very much for - and have to live with the aftermath of having been triggered while with them (an inevitable occurrance) and the resulting humiliations.
Just be sure, thats all. Take good care.

Re the issue of who to disclose to and how to disclose to them, I think any of the books by Henry Cloud and John Townsend are likely to be helpful, but probably the most helpful one is Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't. These two men are clinical psychologists (PhD's) and also Methodist counselors. Their Christian orientation may be a hindrance to you or a help.