How does your system communicate?

My system happens to be co-conscious but only within the last year. Before that, we were mostly oblivious, or at least I was. Despite my reading about DID, I feel a bit at a loss about how communication actually happens (or doesn't happen) out there within systems. I think it's generally accepted that communication among parts is an important goal which can lead to system stability and other benefits. It would help me, and probably others out there, to learn what happens in other systems so that we can respond broadly to questions from each other and especially from newcomers. So if you don't mind my asking...

How does your system communicate? How does it actually happen?

I slowly began to gain comunication shortly after I turned 22. Now six years later I've formed much needed coconciousness. There is no real organization to my systems comunication, which is best described as a cross between a messy pile of paperwork that needs to be sifted through for information and a chat room in the back of my mind that I cant quite pay attention too because I have more important things that are distracting me from it, once I can pull my attention away from the world around me I can clearly dive into the almost constant conversating in my mind, this is when I gain enough focus to actually hear the internal words as aposed to just unconciously knowing what when on after the fact. Even when I'm not focused on the internal conversations and activity inside my internal world it can still bring on an emotional responce.

We've found it difficult to communicate for the most part, if only because **+ and I are close enough that we are often co-hosting, making quiet alters like Friedrich difficult to communicate with. Ripley, on the other hand, seems to communicate mainly by laughing and sending horrible intrusive thoughts through at least my consciousness.

Mostly we'll figure out what's been said after the fact, not actually 'hearing' each other. We'll occasionally be able to feel each others' emotions or their thoughts.

Until the last year I was oblivious/ignoring anything going on with me. Then one day, almost a year ago I got interested in my past, which was/is almost a total blank to me, so I read this book and it said to give myself permission to remember. I did. I have florid DID, so switching if you know what to look for is often - many, many times a day and the parts are often quite distinct. It you don't know what you are looking for, I just seem to be moody and very unpredictable. I got use to missing time, so I just ignored it and chalked it all up to being dropped on my head as an infant or just a very bad memory. Either way, I ignored it and went on with life - or better yet, my hosts did. I was not around until a couple of months ago.

A year ago, parts started letting themselves be known. I was curious and wanted to find out how to communicate with them. In my system writing, typing and talking were all forbidden. I did and still do loose a lot of time when parts take over totally, but I learned a unique way to communicate with all of my parts. At first it was hit or miss, but then we got it down to where they could answer to yes and no questions. The host was Jessica at the time. I was still unaware, and at first it was not clear what the answer was. There was a reaction when she would ask a question, but it was not uniform for a while. After some time it got where any facial reaction meant yes. Nothing meant no. Fear and other feelings were felt. Kicking feet like a baby and other body movements also helped convey the idea they were trying to get across. Frowning seemed to be the easiest movement they could all master. From this we have been able to have great communication. I read a lot and ask that all parts listen and grow. This has lead to great strides in my system.

That is how they communicate with me. With others they simply come out and talk and express themselves in many ways, but talking of childhood or family is forbidden.

I can talk about or write about anything I want.

On level 1 it's an almost voice in my ear. Very clear. Level 2... can be clear but mostly just emotions... Level 3? forget about it, barely anything at all. Or if there is, I won't stick around for long.

Sometimes I am SO co-conscious and watch everything, and sometimes I dont remember a thing..
I cannot hear them sometimes, and sometimes they are so loud I cant take it....
I wish I could have control over communication but I do not ...feels like a lot of other people do though

TinyPieces wrote:Sometimes I am SO co-conscious and watch everything, and sometimes I dont remember a thing..
I cannot hear them sometimes, and sometimes they are so loud I cant take it....
I wish I could have control over communication but I do not ...feels like a lot of other people do though

You don't have a DX yet and I would never DX anyone, but what you describes sounds like what I understand DDNOS-1 to be. It's a mess. It's hard to deal with -it's ego states acting like alters instead of distinct clear defined alters. My LC says of all the Complex Dissociative Cases he has worked on, the DDNOS-1 clients are by far the most messed up. He says he has never had a Complex Dissociative Case "come to the table with as much as I do." By this he means that I function exceptionally well - my boundaries are very clearly defined.

Often with DID things are packaged in such a way that we can cope far better than those with DDNOS-1. The boundaries in those with DDNOS-1 are simply not so defined and everything is jumbled. With DID ANP's really help with functioning.

When things are extremely agitated, I sometimes hear voices, but that generally isn't how my kids communicate with me. Usually I just "know" whatever it is that they want for me to know or I feel whatever it is that they are feeling. But this requires that I be willing to "listen" to what they have to tell me. I talk to them all of the time when they are upset or confused or struggling in anyway, so there is verbal communication going that way. Oh, yes, I also hear them crying or making other noises sometimes, but it is no more than a single word at a time.

1. Inside voices.

2. Inside "not me" thoughts (words that aren't quite voices).

3. Something kind of "floats up" and is just known, but I don't know why I know it and it isn't something that feels like it has origins in anything I've actually known or experienced myself ever.

4. Images that represent concepts. Observer does this especially and my Poet sometimes too. I call it like getting a postcard from someone far away. Except Observer isn't necessarily far away; he's usually actually very close. He just communicates this way, because it is more understandable to me (or more immediately so) than his very complex thought processes. Like one time, he wanted me to tell T something, so he showed me an image of someone during the depression hiding their money under their mattress. And he was trying to say that we are like that. That when you grow up in deprivation (whether it if financial or emotional/social because of neglect), that you may continue to live as if the scarcity still exists even in later times of abundance. For him, this concept just bloomed into being all at once, so that is how he shared it with me. A single image and sense of connection that I verbalized to my T.

5. Obviously, I get information through abreactions/flashbacks. It can involve all my senses and emotions, like being inside their experience for a while. Often that is accidental, but sometimes it is used as intentional communication, especially if I'm refusing to accept what they are trying to share with me. Like, I have had them tell me stuff verbally, and I engage my denial part, so they then shart sharing in this more intense way.

6. On VERY rare occasions, someone has actually verbally said something out loud to me using my own mouth and that was very freaky. The last time may have been like nine months ago. Usually, I will just feel the compulsion for them to say something out loud and not actually let it through, by instinct (I've been called a gate).

One thing we don't do, have never done, probably will never do, is write to one another. Poet does a lot of writing and communicates her feelings in it, but it is always "told" to me inside. It's rare that I don't remember a poem at all, at least since I've been host (she was during early to mid teens). We don't write notes to each other inside our head or out. If I am journaling and in complete stream of consciousness, then sometimes their stuff will push through without me meaning for it to, but I'm usually aware soon after...because I have ALWAYS obsessively reread everything I write, because something I write one moment doesn't seem at all true or real or mine the next.

I'm a co-conscious system, so I know where all my alts are, or at least all that have revealed themselves all the time. It also allows us to share memories, though admittedly, I think there are some that the others have that we don't. Anything you tell one of us, you tell all of us. As to how we actually communicate with the outside world, I'm not sure how it actually works. We have to be in the common room of our inner world to do it and it feels sort of like handing over a telephone receiver, but there is not actual device needed for us to talk to anyone else. What's more, as long as we're in the common room we can chime in at any time, no matter who is in possession. That being said, I'm not sure if I need to be in the common room or not, I think I can talk from anywhere, maybe it's a perk of being the host?

To me, it feels sort of like a pilot and co-pilot system where I am always present but one of the others might be sitting in the captain's chair.