was mean to dolly :(

Well I was mean to dolly wasn't I? She was also left faced down on a hard surface as she didn't 'deserve' to be comfy and she'd been so bad her face shouldn't be seen

I was clearly replaying events, something I twigged when I told her I was sorry and that 'mummy may love dolly but she doesn't have to like dolly' - I've never referred to myself as 'mummy' to her before, and I've been told the 'you don't have to like someone to love them' too many times...

I'm sorry people told you that, hollyhobbie. Loving someone does mean you like the person, and I'm sorry you were fed this lie. Sometimes, there are people I love and I don't like the things they do, but I still like them for other reasons. That's probably how it is between you and dolly, you just didn't know how to say it.

Safe hugs,
L

yep, abusive families do screw you up a bit

My friends know that if they need to say something I'm not going to like, they have to tell me they're not cross with me, they still love me, but more importantly they still like me.

They also have learnt that if I get caught in the crossfire of an argument it needs spelling out to me that it's not my fault. I haven't done anything wrong, etc or I get convinced it is, and it goes round & round my head trying to work out how to fix it. On occasion it's been a case of my pastor making me look into his eyes, telling me it's not my fault & basically ordering me with authority not to keep going over it in my head. He reallydoesn't like doing that, he doesn't like giving orders & get concerned about transference, but if I'm caught in a spiral then it does break the cycle as each time I start going over it again I tell myself: X told me not to do this. I trust & respect X. Repeating it in my head is disobeying a direct order. I don't want to do that.

holly hobbie wrote:telling me it's not my fault & basically ordering me with authority not to keep going over it in my head

My old mentor used to do that. I miss her I trusted her... it worked.

Yep, he's training up the younger elder who'll gradually take over over as f/t pastor. I appear to be part of the 'on-the-job training', he's had a crash course on flashbacks & 'disappearing', he is getting the hang of 'calling me back' Apparently my face goes completely blank when I disappear.

I keep apologising to dolly for being so mean to her. I'm clearly re-enacting events, no prizes for guessing what Monday's session will be about It's probably quite healthy, just like when a friend's little boy was in a car accident and he kept re-enacting it with his toys cars.

I keep apologising to dolly for being so mean to her

I'm sorry to ask but I'm new here and I am just trying to understand - is dolly one of your alters?

I hope you are doing better today all the same!

- Host/Core

dolly is a holly hobbie doll. I used to 'hide' in her when it wasn't safe. She has the memories of the bad things and our identities got a bit mixed up, so by comforting, or punishing in this case, her then I'm doing so to the scared child inside. It's a bit complicated

Okay. Thank you for answering - I appreciate it!

- Host/Core