Could You Give Me Some Feedback

I just think, every good friendship needs to have a space in it for honesty if the other person is doing something bothersome. There are times when things need to be discussed, right?

I wholeheartedly agree with you.

I'm sorry you lost your friend, and your T didn't validate your feelings. You deserve a friend who can be there for you emotionally and respect you. I really don't understand what's wrong with asking your friend "why?" Your therapy sounds rather triggering, at least for me it would be.

I agree with Rosee, Johnny-Jack, Borg, bourbon, if a friend of ours does not want to hear or see all of you , their wish should be respected but,... whether you still view them as a friend or not is a different story. They may not be as helpful to you as you would like. I can understand wanting to share ALL of yourself with someone close it is not necessaryly being validated as it is wanting to be your true self, and sharing yourself as a whole person..not just a part of you.

I really want to thank all of you for your feedback, and support! Johnny-Jack you nailed alot about him right on the head. And mmscandy, what you said about it, really isnt about being validated as much as it is being able to be your true self, really put alot of it into a whole new perspective for me. Kinda like opening up a new window to view out of. And it feels alot more true than the need to be validated. I'm becoming more and more aware that at times what is really needed for us, is to see something from a different point of view, that feels more right and true. Its like a breath of fresh air when someone else can just snap that window open of a clearer, free er reality open for us. Also the need that is filled in this forum, of knowing there are people that really "know" and understand. So again thanks to everyone. Each of you have really added to my healing. Blessings

-- Fri Mar 16, 2012 5:51 pm --

watcheroflights
I wanted to thank you for your passion. Always a blessed ingredient, that adds much flavor, in my opinion.

Hope I didn’t offend anyone. It’s just that I have spent a long time trying to share my whole self with just one person. I have the most amazing family support but they all have their own life problems to deal with. It really would be asking too much of any one of them.

Rosee
You certainly didn't offend me. We are all in different passes, in more ways than one. And i really appreciate your feedback. I feel the same way with my family, my mother and sister. I really dont hardly ever talk to them. When i did try to talk with my mom, she was in TOTAL denial. No way would i try to share. It feels better for now, just to not have contact with them at all. They just couldn't deal. Let alone that, not even believe me. It is so ok if we have differences of opinion, as far as i am concerned. It helps me to think wider. Blessings

-- Sat Mar 17, 2012 1:48 am --

Plus we can't please everybody all of the time, or think others will alway's agree. I salute you for being honest and real.

[quote="Alln1"] And mmscandy, what you said about it, really isnt about being validated as much as it is being able to be your true self, really put alot of it into a whole new perspective for me. Kinda like opening up a new window to view out of. And it feels alot more true than the need to be validated. I'm becoming more and more aware that at times what is really needed for us, is to see something from a different point of view, that feels more right and true.


Thank you for your feed back. This is the way I feel.

As a friend to someone, by definition, I am ready to hear all about their day to day problems, from petty things to major dramas. That is part of being a friend- without being a recognised source of support, an ally in the battle of life, I would be nothing more than an acquaintance.
People have a natural desire for support and I accept and welcome that; it makes them human. However, if I cannot speak about my problems in turn for fear of upsetting this 'friend', that is obviously unfair.

This selfish discrediting of the needs and emotions of people that are truly suffering is not acceptable, any more than it would be for a person with a physical ailment. Talking to others about my personal emotional issues is, for me, next to impossible, and I imagine many others here feel the same way- we do not need others making it harder with their abandonment and rejection. If it is too difficult for a healthy, mentally well-balanced person to hear about, well, we are the ones feeling it, living with it, and we do not have the advantage of a default-specification mind to fall back on. Everything that is for them a discomfort, is for us, a living nightmare. Surely all their discomfort proves is that we as the sufferers even more vitally so require support and acceptance, from these so-called 'friends'.

Unfortunately, the current reality of the situation is that mental health is taboo, at least where I am.
This issue is the exact reason I have come to this board. My issues are a very consuming part of my life, that severely cripples my ability to form relationships with people. If I am to make a genuine friend, I know it will have to start from a place of acceptance, with them knowing what I am, instead of dancing around people's apparently delicate little ears.
I can only suggest you try to do the same with your acquaintances in future, and you ignore your therapist, who seems to be pressing your valid perspectives, opinions and expressions back into the corner, where it can't inconvenience anyone, or spoil anyone's lunch. But that's just my two cents.

Ghosthound
Well your 2 cents are worth a million bucks to me! Thanks a million! An by the way, i am not seeing that T anymore. Haven't gotten a new one yet, but it's still better than what i had. Peace

No worries! I'm glad to hear it, good luck with finding one that'll do the job.

My closest friends have all learned of my DID, and some friends I've told are no longer my friends anymore. I am coconcious so much that its rather pointless to put on a front for people just to make them more comfortable. I try to mention it early on, letting them know this is how I am, and there is nothing I can do to change it at the moment for therapy to heal may take years. I explain as best I can and leave room for all the questions they might ask. I do respect the fact the I am their friend and it is up to them if they want to meet another part of my system. If they refuse, I tell them this will limit our friendship for I am not able to accommodate their friendship needs, when I cant be myself every time they come wanting to hang out with me. Some haven't been able to grasp my situation, so I felt it best to distance myself from them. Others have been very accepting and respectful of the news. They politely ask questions and are more afraid of offending me by being very curious as to how it all works. These are the friends I've come to love the most. We have even grown comfortable enough in this friendship that they are able to crack jokes about how I shouldn't be allowed to vote on what movie we watch or whatnot, because I alone outnumber them lol I love my friends.