How do you handle angry alters?

Say there's an alter that all they want to do take possession and rage and yell for no apparent reason that can be distinguished, they're just angry. Maybe they represent anger, or maybe they're just some sort of confused protector. They make angry threats, but they haven't done anything. But the host is afraid of letting this alter out because they think that alter might hurt someone, and in the process of denying them possession it makes that alter even angrier.

Say there are friends of the host. They're willing to hear the angry alter out because they want to help. They're willing to let him snarl and yell at them and mock them and whatever it is that he wants so long as he isn't hurting anyone or anything. But the host often refuses to let the angry alter out. Occasionally the angry alter gets a word in edge-wise only to be shut up and restrained again by the host again.

I realize that I'm speaking hypothetically about an actual situation, so I'll summarize it.

Johann and I have a friend with DID. Our friend has four alters; a host, an opposite gender alter who acts as a twin to the host, an inner-child, and an angry alter whom people on another DID forum our friend uses have been trying to convince him is a protector. We're not entirely convinced that he is, but we're not necessarily convinced that he isn't. We think he may be the core's protector, and just hates the host because personality-wise the two of them are polar opposites. What we do know about him is that he feels like the host censors him and he wants out, but that the host is afraid of him. The alter in question's name is Malice, which apparently the host named him, but he's grown attached to it. Now, Malice will more openly speak to the darker personalities in Johann's mind - such as HIM, Jack, or Ka'el. But our friend is afraid that Malice is going to challenge them and that things will spiral out of control. Thus he doesn't like to let Malice out.

I guess the main questions are:

A) How do we (Johann and I) convince the host to let Malice out if he's afraid of him?
B) How would we safely handle Malice when he's out so that the host will not feel threatened and want to immediately shut him up again the moment Malice says something he disagrees with?
C) Can you think of a better outlet for Malice's anger? (HIM suggested taking him to play paintball or something. Somehow that he can 'hurt' Johann, but not in a way that Johann can't tolerate.)

It's all about giving them love and understanding - just like you would as if it were you own child.

The problem is that the nicer we are to Malice, the angrier he gets at us for it. The host has pointed that out before; that's why Malice prefers to speak to Jack, or Ka'el, because they aren't as nice as the rest of us. =\

Is there an alter that's stronger than Malice? Or someone Malice is scared of? I agree with the paintball idea. I would suggest Malice should take out most of his anger without actually hurting Johann. Things like ripping a picture of him apart or something? There are other means of communication like writing what he wants to say to Johann on a piece of paper or through the computer. The host doesn't have to let Malice out, he can just relay the information. I think it's more about knowing how Johann accepts the anger than actually finding ways to release the anger.

And Johann being nice making Malice angry makes sense. Malice doesn't believe Johann's taking him seriously. I think Johann should let Malice know that he's truly sorry for what's making Malice so angry. But not let Malice know he can bully Johann.

If their personalities clash, I'm afraid the anger won't stop, but you can make it subside at little. Angry alters like their challenges met. So if Malice is yelling and being hurtful, he subconsciously wants to be yelled back at. Just to the delicate balance of not too much and good enough.

I'm against the host letting Malice out while Malice isn't calm. Anger is wild emotion and Malice can accidentally hurt someone even if he doesn't mean to.

Hope it helps

pepsinotes wrote:Is there an alter that's stronger than Malice? Or someone Malice is scared of? I agree with the paintball idea. I would suggest Malice should take out most of his anger without actually hurting Johann. Things like ripping a picture of him apart or something? There are other means of communication like writing what he wants to say to Johann on a piece of paper or through the computer. The host doesn't have to let Malice out, he can just relay the information. I think it's more about knowing how Johann accepts the anger than actually finding ways to release the anger.

And Johann being nice making Malice angry makes sense. Malice doesn't believe Johann's taking him seriously. I think Johann should let Malice know that he's truly sorry for what's making Malice so angry. But not let Malice know he can bully Johann.

If their personalities clash, I'm afraid the anger won't stop, but you can make it subside at little. Angry alters like their challenges met. So if Malice is yelling and being hurtful, he subconsciously wants to be yelled back at. Just to the delicate balance of not too much and good enough.

I'm against the host letting Malice out while Malice isn't calm. Anger is wild emotion and Malice can accidentally hurt someone even if he doesn't mean to.

Hope it helps

I think my wording may have confused you. Johann is my boyfriend who has DID. Ted is our friend with DID and Malice is his alter, not Johann's. Johann and I are trying to help Ted and his alters because they're newer to the diagnosis than Johann is. ^^U Johann has eight alters, Ted has four.

I do agree with everything else you've said. The problem is that Malice doesn't seem to be afraid of anyone or anything - he's the oldest and strongest alter in Ted's system. And Malice is never anything but angry, so trying to let him out when he's 'calm' is impossible.

Oh heheh. I guess I got a little confused with all the pronouns XD

Angry alters are pretty strong, but I don't think an angry alter can be the strongest. Just the fact that Ted can push him back means that Malice isn't the strongest. And Malice probably knows that. Malice may never be absolutely calm but he has to have ups and downs with his anger. From experience, I found out that angry alters are closely connected to the host. So if Ted has a good day and feels generally happy, I think Malice will be at one of his calmest moods.

But my system is really closely connected emotionally, so I have no idea if that might work. Good luck