Re: disclosure to health professionals

I just read another post by Una+ saying keep disclosing because 1% success rate means you would have to disclose 100 times to get a success.

That sucks when it comes to talking to health professionals. In particular, I have been having the hardest time recently in trying to get good maternity care.

For example, my OB just "fired" me. I think the real reason is she is freaked out about dealing with a DIDer. I told her on the first visit. During the second visit, my BP went up slightly to a level she called "on the high end of normal." Her next statement was that given her experience that means that she will have to induce me and wants to know that I will say yes if she decides to do that (I have strongly stated my wish for no interventions). Now, I have done a LOT of research on this and induction is CLEARLY linked to at least a doubling of risk for having a C-section and not at all proven to be effective. So my response was that it seems premature to speculate on induction based on one BP reading at 25 weeks but that if the time came and she could convince me of the clear need, then I would certainly do what is the best interest of me and my child. She said I must trust her or she could not be my OB and that she wants me to commit to taking her recommendation, whatever it will be. I said I only met her once and I couldn't just blindly commit to that at this time, so she said I will have to see a high risk dr. Even the high risk dr couldn't believe that I was being referred. I think it is because of the DID. If you read other posts you would see that this attitude has been a recurring theme as I try to get maternity care.

So frustrating that I just don't want to tell anyone anymore. Why do people assume you are some kind of idiot just because of DID?

Well i think thats a good idea not to tell. Insanity is defined as to keep doing what your doing yet expecting a different outcome. I have been there. Unless you have strong reasons why, because of what another part of you might do during delivery, or something like that. The first Dr. you mentioned sounds like a control freak. I wish you the best of luck. U would think it would be easier with professionals, but i think sometimes its worse. They r more invested in what they know, and their position. But not all the time. Im so sorry you have had to deal with these kinks of situations!

InfinitD, this OB did you a favor. She let you know who she is right up front. She has a dominant work style. Some women, perhaps the majority of women, want to surrender control of their body to their maternity care provider. Such woman want to be told what to do, they want their OB to be dominant so they can be submissive and feel safe and secure.

Clearly you need an OB or midwife who approaches you as a partner and works to build trust with you rather than dominate you. Good luck with your search.

Re disclosing, I don't know your situation well enough to suggest how much you may want to disclose. In my case, when I was making babies I didn't know about my dissociated identities. I did know I am a sexual abuse survivor, though, and I did disclose that much to some of my maternity care providers. It was incredibly painful to say then. Now, I am so used to saying it that I can say it in many circumstances without much pain. Doesn't that sound liberating? It is!

InfinitD wrote:I think it is because of the DID.

I wouldn't think so. Most people I have disclosed to have only the faintest idea what DID involves. They wouldn't see why DID could be an issue for you, much less for them. In any case, it has been my experience, widely shared by members of a maternity support group I used to follow, that many OBs are highly risk averse. The high risk person must see a steady stream of referrals from this one OB, who may have a terrific safety record.

In any case this OB didn't refer you for risk but just because you did not instantly submit to her demand for blind faith.

Una+ wrote:They wouldn't see why DID could be an issue for you, much less for them.

Well, 3 of 4 people that I disclosed to immediately questioned insistently whether I would be able to follow their instructions. (like they couldn't tell from just talking to me that I'm not an idiot! ) so I think this is their issue.

InfinitD wrote:Well, 3 of 4 people that I disclosed to immediately questioned insistently whether I would be able to follow their instructions.

That's odd. What exactly do you tell them? Have you asked them how their question follows from what you told them? What instructions are they concerned about? Long term ones like "stay well hydrated"? Or urgent ones like "now push"? Or are they just checking for your overall compliance?

Immediate questioning sounds like reflex, which means they don't know or care what DID is about, they just want to know what it means for them.