Sad and alone

I know I haven't been coming on here much lately. I'm sorry for that.

I'm having a hard time. I started with a new therapist. She called and left me a followup voicemail checking in to see how our first session was for me, and to remind me that I can call anytime and leave a message on her voicemail, and that she's good at getting back to people fairly quickly. This was a HUGE trigger for me, her reaching out on her own. That's what my old therapist would do, and it got out of control with my old therapist. In deathly afraid what happened with my old T is going to happen again.

I'm just struggling at the moment. Feeling very very alone. Very sad. Overly sensitive. Hating myself...

I feel awful even posting this. It's completely selfish. I'm not helping other people... I'm not asking for specific advice... There's not any "point" to my post other than to express the pain that I'm experiencing at the moment. It feels so big. My heart just hurts.

Okay I'm going to stop now. I'm sorry

-- Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:54 am --

My heart hurts so much.

Brandic, as someone once told me when I first came on here you ARE helping others just by posting because there are people on here who are going through the exact same thing. I don't know much about your therapy or how things went with your old therapist but I too have been considering a switch and it's not easy. Changing therapy when you finally start to open up can be very triggering to feelings of being alone, no one understands...will you ever find someone who can help you? I know the feeling all too well but just know that you're not alone. You have support here for sure. I enjoy your posts and who knows? maybe this therapist will be the one who really helps you.

brandic, I second everything brandonsmom said above. You are a huge help to everyone, no matter what or how often you post.

Please be gentle and accepting of yourself. Okay, so you were triggered. I'm sure this therapist has seen someone get overwhelmed by something "small" before.

The main issue with your last therapist, if I recall correctly, was her inability to respect YOUR boundaries, and YOUR wishes. Some people are comfortable with a therapist reaching out on their own. Some aren't. And there's nothing wrong with that. The problem was when your old therapist said that it was "just her style", and if you didn't like it maybe you should see someone else. SHE started to get uncomfortable with YOUR wishes, not respecting them.

For now, I would give this new therapist the benefit of the doubt. See if she respects your wishes, now that you've made it clear. If so, great. If not, and she wants to keep on doing things that she knows will make you uncomfortable, leave her.

-- Thu Jan 19, 2012 3:16 pm --

And I'm sorry that you are feeling so sad, and alone. I don't know if it helps at all, but I am feeling similarly. I'm so scared my therapist will terminate me now after what I wrote her, just like my last therapist. I'm scared of things turning sour between us, over nothing. I need so desperately for her to prove she's not bored with me. Otherwise, I would need to look elsewhere, or give therapy a break, or something.

Thanks to both of you. I'm feeling a tad bit better.

Brandonsmom, my last therapist ended therapy with me, not the other way around. But it was a good thing she did, because it was a very co-dependent and unhealthy relationship. But now I'm hyper sensitive to not creating the same dynamic again.

Divided, yes I am giving my new therapist the benefit of the doubt. I emailed her and told her what a big trigger it was, and I asked for her to please not respond to the email, as that didn't feel safe. She hasn't responded, so that makes me feel better. It's still hard though... Last night I wrote her a five page letter explaining all that had happened with my old T that I'm gonna have her read in our session on Monday. Writing the letter though is probably what opened up some of those wounds and the accompanying hurt and sadness that goes along with them.

Thanks again to both of you. I value the support I get on here so much.

Always standing by your side brandic... always.

Bourbon x

I'm sorry you're feeling so alone and sad. You may not be asking for any advice or posting for some specific reason that you might feel is somehow worthwhile... but we all need to be heard and we all need support. You are being heard, and I feel your frustration. I feel horrible for you that your last relationship with a T was so inappropriate. I truly wish you better luck with this one. She should respect you and your wishes no matter what.

@dividedtruth89- I read your letter to your T. If she terminates you or loses interest in you because of that, then there is no doubt whatsoever that she has a serious problem. Your letter was heartfelt and honest, and she should understand that you struggle as you do to open up verbally but you are trying. I don't know about you, but I find that I've been so programmed to believe that people are going to reject me because I'm not worth it that I can never trust that somebody might actually stick around. It takes time to build that security with your T, and it's going to take even longer for you having the previous experience you did. But, hopefully, it will happen.

My heart goes out to both of you...

I don't really have any advice, I just wanted you to know that I'm here, I understand and to emphasise the point the others made. Every time you post it helps people no matter what the subject because there is bound to be someone who feels similar. I know I don't respond to a lot of posts but I read them all and sometimes just reading a thread can make you feel a little better and even more validated in your own feelings.

We all need to be heard, and this is an amazing place with understanding people who are willing to listen, yourself being one of them brandic.

Dark.

hey brandic,

you don;t have to post to help someone. In fact primarily you should be here to get help and then if you can give it, it is a bonus! Also, if you have the urge to post something, and take the time to write it out then there is a point. and while it might not be obvious now it will be. I sometimes get so much more from reading old posts/topics. It is clearer to me now.

I am sorry how you feel with your new T. I think if you like her you should take this head on. Try to deal with how you feel when maybe you might feel you have less to lose because it is a new relationships (sorry if this is completely off base). I think it is great you found the strength to email her though. Really great.

Hang in there,
Sam

((Hugs if wanted))