Bit of a rant

So I don't really know if I'm gonna be saying anything important or ask anything really, but a fair few things have happened and I just need to get them out somewhere before I go crazy.

The holidays were insane. I had a friend up which was awesome but we seemed to be a lot more switchy than normal. It seems like lately they're all coming out more and more often, especially Jez. Now I'm not complaining, it's nice that she especially feels like she can come out and talk to people, but the most time I've ever lost at once before is around 3 hours... the other day I lost 6 hours. She decided she wanted to play the xbox game that someone bought over and she took over for the whole time it took to play the campaign. Very odd.

Friends are a little more supportive now they've seen definite switches and know what they are. It's nice that they are supportive and there are a few jokes being made around the subject but it's all in good fun and we tend to have a giggle about it.

More and more memories are starting to surface but they're all fuzzy. Well most of them aren't exactly memories, they're more like really strong feelings. Apparently while drunk over xmas one of us told friends that Emmy used to get hurt and she doesn't like being hit or touched in that way because it scares her. Now every time the subject of my Father or Father's doing things or hurting their daughters comes up I feel sick to my very core, upset, angry and all sorts of other things and I'm not all that sure why.

I haven't been sleeping well, Emmy has been wanting to sleep in the body but every time there's a noise she freaks and pulls back again. Both myself and Jez want to cut as much as ever which is hard as with these friends we're watched 24/7... not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing because everything is kinda boiling up inside.

Everything is just so confusing right now. I'm learning more about the others and there might be a chance that I can get a proper assessment done for whether they can diagnose me or not. Some of the time my head feels like it's ready to explode and other times it's like I have all these alien feelings. I'm not explaining myself very well... Meh OK I think that's rant over seeing how I'm just rambling now. Sorry for the ramble all.

Dark and the rest xx

You said everyone is boiling up inside. That sounds scary. Is there any way of expressing those feelings, getting it out of you somehow, so you don't explode? X

DarkenedAngel wrote:I'm learning more about the others and there might be a chance that I can get a proper assessment done for whether they can diagnose me or not.

That's exciting. Where is that?

DarkenedAngel wrote:It's nice that they are supportive and there are a few jokes being made around the subject but it's all in good fun and we tend to have a giggle about it.

I'm glad you are feelings your friends are being more supportive now they know what they are dealing with. Perhaps it was a little of fear of the unknown for them. The friend who knows about my DID will have a joke with me about it. We both understand it is of course not a laughing matter but people cope with sh*t things by laughing, don't they?

Good to hear from you.

Bourbon

Remy has written to my doctor telling her that he thinks she should refer me to them or someone else and if it's somewhere local then he's willing to correspond with them about DID to help me. He said just by my scores and what I've told him through email that it's pretty likely I have DID so I just hope my GP takes notice of it.

Yeah the jokes are OK, I think they kinda make us feel better and a little less wary of the subject. The only way I really talk about things are on here or in the journal all of us in here share but there's only so much that stuff can help I guess.

I'm a little scared right now. I think last night in my very strange and scary dream I met my main system protector. Her name is Kiana (key-ah-nah) and she scares the living crap out of me. She's the one who tried to strangle my little sister a few years back. All very scary but I'm gad I know about them a ittle now.

Dark xx

DarkenedAngel wrote:All very scary but I'm gad I know about them a ittle now.

It's all very scary at the beginning but you've got people behind you. It sounds like Remy is definitely behind you getting you the help that you need. You will be okay.

Bourbon