what, I'm lying to myself?

So last night made for a really weird experience and I'm not really sure if I should even bring it up to my therapist tommorow or not because I don't even know what to make of it. I had my little nieces over for a sleepover with my son and put eveyrone down for bed. I was ready for bed myself and as I was laying down and my mind just wandering...wondering how much longer I was going to go through this dissociative hell-daydreaming what my life would be like without all these bullsh*t symptoms and how much they hold me back and a voice began talking to me in my head. I was drawn to the attention of the same woman type voice I hear sometimes in my car and when I'm getting ready to fall asleep it becomes really loud. I thought I'd just ask questions and I was receiving answers, including a name....I wanted to stop because I was convinced this was crazy making and I was just talking to myself but my guard was down because I was exhausted...I wanted to jump up and post here or write everything down but was too tired to get up since I've had the flu. I forgot everything this morning including the name but I know it started with a C. I do remember when asking for the name I got it wrong and the voice said "no, it's c-------" and was spelling it out for me..and I do remember it really creeped me out. I don't want to bring this up to my therapist tommorow because I feel like I faked the whole thing. I feel like I'm only convincing myself I have an alter or something because I'm coming on here and other people experience this? I don't know, I'm not really sure what to make of it. The other part of me thinks that I should bring it up because if it IS DID then I could start treatment for it and that could be a reason for my lack of internal communication with myself because of dissociated ego states. Could that be the voices I talked to? I just don't know. Sorry for the long post but it's both terrifying and exciting and I really need advice from someone with this experience. Thank u so much.

I think it is important that you are as honest in therapy as you can be. I doubt from hearing that experience your therapist will say: "right you have DID, this is going to change the whole therapy process, abandon all of what we've done and move on". He is more likely to say: "that's interesting, how do you feel about it?" Therapy is not going to be drastically different if you receive a DID diagnosis. In the mean time I think it is important to continue exploring this voice and keep talking. Alter/egostate or whatever, s/he is talking to you and wants you to listen.

Bourbon

I do have a formal diagnosis yet still I have fits of denial, and imagine I am making up all the identities in my head and other phenomena. Yet I heard voices, sensed the presence of identities, was aware of inexplicably not-me thoughts and feelings and behaviors, experienced outright possession states, and lost time all long before I ever knew the first thing about dissociative disorders.

You are traveling a well-worn path. One step at a time.

Una+ wrote:I do have a formal diagnosis yet still I have fits of denial, and imagine I am making up all the identities in my head and other phenomena...

Ditto the whole paragraph.

But as for making it up, well maybe you are and maybe you aren't. But if you are, it won't last, I think And as my T says "there would still be a reason."

bourbon wrote:Therapy is not going to be drastically different if you receive a DID diagnosis.

I agree.
Our therapy is less focused on the group and the workings of DID than on helping the individual parts deal with their trauma, so it is like they are all in regular counseling one-on-one with occasional conversations about how to work with each other.

brandonsmom777 wrote:I feel like I'm only convincing myself I have an alter or something because I'm coming on here and other people experience this?

The reverse is also possible: that you are coming on here because deep down inside you know something feels right about it.

Agree with all that has been said. Except that I think therapy does change once a formal dx has been made. Well, mine did.

I still have moments of denial, 12 years into therapy. I just DON'T want this. I want to be flashback free/more functional, which I know will come with time but just ugh