Parallels

Parallels, that is what it felt like. Looked like.

My alters are waking up. Im waking up., the alters are clear, clear like a 3D movie screen. so visual, So unbelievably close and rich in detail and closeness and color. Its hard to believe they are me. Yet they are. They make me agitated. scared. But not scared. They seem behind me or behind my chest and my mind, They are right behind me.

I was petting a cat today, I heard the cat lady crying in her room. I thought she was coming out. That is when I ran. I wondered why I was so scared. I realized I was taught to run at an early age. An age before my time.

As I ran I saw her. She is the child protector. She is a She/He about 4 years old. She is the original Centennial. She is the guard. She is the protector. The first protector. ALl she does is run and hide behind things, then, she secretly drops something behind, into a safe place. something from her small hands of value . She is protecting something. something of importance in her hand.

As I was running away from cat lady. I saw the alter described above. I looked into the back of my mind and I saw her. She was right behind me. So close. She was darting and running. Ive never seen her like that. She followed me in unison as I ran. It was a perfect dance. Then I realized. I was following her. IT was her that was being triggered by the outside stimulus, not me. I followed her. I had no choice. she is me.. or part of me... Then I realized, She is the one that freaks around people. She is the protector. She is always on guard.

Maybe she has been running things all along, and the present personality 'me" is just a puppet being held by strings. The other alters are bigger then me? Maybe, When they react, I have to react.

This whole thing with alters, this whole life seems like one big haunted house Im trying to find my way out of.

Now I know why Im Psychotic at times. I used to see spiders walking in my head back and fourth. Now I know it wasn't spiders. The alters, there in control.

integration? Im not sure.

Haunted house or circus fun house, that about sums it up. "Crazy making", but not crazy, not in the least.

This is poetic.