pushing away a memory from an alter....?

I think an alter is trying to present a memory to me. But tbh I don't think I am ready for it and keep pushing it back. Is this the right thing to do? Just because they are ready, does it mean I have to be ready. I think it is from the littles/younger ones, and there are two conflicting messages in my head. I am not sure who is saying what, but in a way I don't want to hear it but I also don't want to invalidate them.

Sam

You can try asking your alters directly why they want you to see this now or why it's so important to them that you know this. Usually younger alters don't show things on purpose. It's usually not in their control. So maybe you can try asking around your system what is happening and try to explain to them that you don't feel that you are ready to know about this just yet. That you will come back to it when you feel more capable. However, if this memory is somehow triggered than unfortunately it will keep coming back until you've dealt with it. You can only push it back for so long.

Let us now what you find out by talking to your alters.

I think there comes a time to be brave and to try to accept the memory they are trying to give you. It will make them feel a lot better to be heard and it will be less stressful on you if you just listen now that they are ready. Otherwise they will probably keep trying to push it forward when you are not necessarily expecting it, which I imagine is causing stress and discomfort to you.

There is not really ever going to be a good time to get a bad memory. There is probably also not a time when you will feel "ready" for it, as it is easy to want to push it away.

Be brave. We will be here to support you through whatever you discover.

Thanks Lipstick and Onlyme,

I understand what you are saying. But. But what, I am not sure.

Usually younger alters don't show things on purpose.

Yeah this is what I am feeling. It is triggered sometimes but mostly it pops out of no where. IN fact the first time it popped out of no where was May 2009 as I was sitting in a garden. I didn't understand myself in terms of parts, so I didn't know where the hell it came from. This was the start of my "difficulties" which landed me in therapy. But I am not sure if I can be brave enough to go there or if there is any point to go there. I am not sure knowing will resolve anything for me. however my worry is that knowing will resolve something for a little.

ugh tbh this sucks.

Sam

I blogged one of them (not the one from 2009) so i have the opportunity to delete it. Like you said it will not go away and is weighing on me. I am testing to see how it feels to have it "out there" if it will get out of my head.

Sam

I think you are very brave to blog about it. Is it on the blog connected to this site? If it is, I will take a look in a minute.

It might not make the memory go away necessarily, it just might mean it stops coming to you as frequently or with the same degree of emotional intensity. I usually find it just calms things a bit.

I think I ended up taking my own advice after writing my post in this thread. I ended up in a bit of a mess because of it but feel slightly better for writing a bit about it and getting some of it out...

I hope you are ok.

Yeah it is here and I feel vulnerable and have some regrets but I'm going to try to leave it for a bit. For whoever is saying it inside.

Sam

I didn't get a chance to have a look before you deleted it. I hope you are doing ok.

I sent it to you hun, but I might put it back up. I am feeling better about it so it might have helped.

There is another one that is worse, and so I'd like to use this as a step to build on,

Thanks lipstick,
Sam

I think it is very brave of you that you put it back up. I did get your message, sorry I hadn't replied yet. I wanted to say that I think if you believe that the two parts of the memory are related, in all likelihood, they are. I'm so sorry to read about what happened and how you felt about your mum because of it. It made me really saddened to read that.

I think it was so brave of you to put it back up. Now when you feel ready, you will be able to expand on it by saying the other thing you feel you need to say. You are making really good progress to confront this stuff...